Your biggest sexual or relationship blunder?

Oh boy.... Which to pick, which to pick. Would it be the (VERY first boyfriend ever, very young) guy I stayed with for years and years because my PARENTS loved him and threw a fit whenever I would break up with him for his countless transgressions and faults, that I ended up having a child with... Would it be the guy I was working with that I married just to get out of my parents house... Would it be the guy that I met online and who I was engaged to and about to buy a house with that disappeared one day because he went to JAIL for being caught in a sting for sending nude photos of himself to a cop online posing as a minor....WHILE we were engaged....
Or the many horrific instances in-between? I need RRA. "Hello, my name is FreeVerse, and I'm a Relationship Retard, it's been 11 years, 11 months and 25 days since my last Retarded Relationship." >insert previous posters saying "Hello FreeVerse" here<
It's amazing the problems changing what teams you bat for solves. I found through much reflection and discovery, that I'm not TRULY a Relationship Retard, I was just a lesbian trying to live a hetrosexual life.

 

My marriage. Twenty five years, the last ten or so sucked. I didn't realize they sucked as majorly as they did until about 3-4 years prior to the divorce. Often friends would discuss issues with their relationships or marriages and many asked "You guys are happy, right?" My answer for years was "been together for _____ years." Around year 21 I started realizing the fact we'd been together so long didn't mean it was quality time. I sat down one day and thought "man I am unhappy, why?" At the time I'd spent the past 8 months or so attached to cables and pulleys due to crushing my leg/foot and had just been put in a waking cast. I thought "why am I not thrilled, I'm mobile again?" I walked around the house, went up stairs for the first time n months, it was a trash pile. More like one trash pile after another scattered around. I saw the show "Hoarders" one time recently and it reminded me of what I found up stairs. Seriously not that bad but obviously weeks if not months of trash that hadn't been taken out and dirty clothes everywhere. I looked out the window at the yard and garden area. The front lawn was so tall I couldn't see a pond/fountain/waterfall feature I spent nearly a month building the year after I finished the house. The garden was simply gone, replaced by blackberry bushes (they'll over take anything in a hot minute in Western Oregon.) In a walking cast I started cleaning. Some guys wee coming to get the bed we had to rent from a hospital supply rental place. I felt like crap, complete crap. Really out of shape and leg muscles that hadn't been used in months. Going up or coming down stairs was a 3 minute min. trip and left me breathless. I started my cleaning in the room I'd been confined to for several month. Not sure why I hadn't noticed but the trash in there hadn't been taken out in a week min. A pile of McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King wrappers, bags and boxes were over flowing in a rather large trash container. I looked at it and realized there's at least part of the reason I feel like crap. My wife was never the cook in the home, ever. She loathed cooking, still does I'm sure. So since I was confined to a bed she bought fast food everyday... for like 8 months. When the men arrived to removed the hospital bed we had to clear a path through the trash and crap in the living room. I was embarrassed as hell. When my wife came home I did my best to calmly ask "WTF?" She said "well why you've been stuck in that bed I've had to do everything. Moneys been tight I've have to work more. etc...." I thought yeah I've been out of it big time. So what she said made some sense. Over the next few weeks I cleaned up the house, called a guy to come do the yard. a little over $1500 in landscaping services. I don't know about elsewhere but on the north Oregon coast that's several day and a rather large tractor. When I go to the home office I sat down at the desk, after removing aside a pile of unopened mail. While opening the mail and reading "amount due, amount paid by automatic withdrawal..." over and over for everything from the mortgage to the power bill. I glanced at the phone, 3o some messages. The phone in the kitchen had 0 messages on it. I hit "play" and repeatedly heard my wife boss saying "______ could you come in today?, we're short handed..." Mixed in every once and while was a call from the local water district stating "you either need to pay this bill or we're shutting off your water." 30 some messages, all the same basically dating back 6-8 months. I called the water and told them I'd been laid up and would send a check that day and did. They basically said "we have no actual way to cut your water, were service about 300 people. Due to the way this account has been let go for so long our water board is considering legal action and voting to install values at every house which will be lockable." On and on the lady more or less chewed me out, more more then less I should say. again I was completely embarrassed. I told her I had no idea it was even in arrears and apologized profusely. I found a stack that had my wife's pay statements in it, or some of them anyway. They were mixed in with junk mail and bills that had been automatically paid and yellow notices from the water district that had adhesive across both the bottom and the top. I went out and looked at the front door, yellow paper still stuck to it in several places. In the ones I could locate I couldn't find one where she worked more then 24 hours in any one week. Most weeks were exactly the same, 18 hours. I checked the bank on-line and looked at deposits for her pay, all were almost exactly the same. When she got home that afternoon I was not calm and I was not polite. I've never hit (or any woman), never wanted to hit her not even that day but make no mistake I was pissed. And she knew I was pissed. She tired to lie about almost everything I pointed out. "I didn't know the water wasn't paid." "You walked in the front door and didn't see the notices stuck t it?" "Well maybe (our daughter) took them off, I never seen them." "A kid less then 20 took down a yellow notice from the water district, placed it in the office with the unsorted pile of crap and never said a word to you? Seriously that's your story?" When I asked her why she said she was working more when in fact she had been working almost the same number of hours she first said "that's not true, I have been putting in more hours." When confronted with the facts she switched to "if i work more they take so much out in taxes I actually make less money." Not mathematically possible, unless she worked so many hour she brought in another 100k one year and pushed us into a higher tax rate.

At first I considered maybe she's having an affair, people do that. I mean what's she been doing with her time if she's only working 20 hours a week? I talked to my daughter and asked "whats a normal day around here like since I've been laid up?" "What do you mean?" "I mean what do you guys do? What do you do after school? What does your mom do after work or on her days off?" 'After school I hang out. Most days mom works she comes home and changes her clothes, takes you your food and then goes upstairs. On her days off she stays up stairs almost all day." I had told my wife I expected her to clean "that fucking mess up upstairs." Not proud of that but that how's I put it. After hearing my daughter I wanted to know what was upstairs? Maybe a computer? At the time we only had access to dial up (54K if I remember) and to my knowledge it was only in the office. Maybe she had something installed upstairs and I didn't know. In looking around the room she'd been spending almost all her time I found a stack of books, several actually. She'd always been a big reader. Some romance book mostly crime story type stuff. I noticed she switched the DVR from the living to her bedroom. I check the list of recorded programs, all stuff like daytime talk shows, weird reality TV, a lot of CSI and several Si-Fi series. All but that mornings were marked "watched." The room was dark and full of trash. I was felt with the belief that she more or less hermitize herself up their and read and watched TV endlessly all in the dark most likely.

Over the next few on this I tried to get her to see a dr for depression. I'd realized she more or less had this behavior for years, she was always tired when I wanted to do stuff or go almost anywhere. The exception being live concerts and skiing or vacations to Cancun or Hawaii. Every time I brought up the fact I thought she suffered from depression she told me "I'm not depressed." I kept a much closer eye on her then I had prior to being injured. No this woman isn't depressed, lot's of people sleep 12-16 hours and day and when not sleeping sit in a dark room and watch TV or read. I told her "this is not normal behavior.'" "It's normal for me." After a few more months I finally gave her an ultimatum- seek help or I'm outta here. Her response was "I don't have a problem and if I got help for my problem it would help." What? Seriously? I told her a couple months later "Well I'm moving to Mexico. How do you want to handle this?" She looked at me stunned and said "you want to leave? Seriously? I always thought we had a pretty good marriage." "I told you get help or I'm gone and you declined the get help part so yes I'm leaving." " Had no idea you were serious." How she could have been confused is beyond me and we had several civil back and forth many with me asking if she was willing to seek help, still no. several months or a year or s later I was living alone in Mexico. I look back on it and somewhat feel like I wasted my mid 30's to my mid 40's in a completely odd relationship. I say somewhat because at least my kid always had a dad in the house and a dad, often a mother too, to watch her play sports etc...

 

Tully, that's heavy my man.

 

It says thread could not be found

 

Hmmm that was way so much....
Speechlesssssss

 

Is there a way to page MeltedMetalGlob? I think Tully has earned a Hall of Fame entry for living through that... Seriously man, all you need is some kind of "And had X adventure" after moving to mexico and you've pretty much got a book deal in the bag.

For a couple reasons this is more or less my thing as well, and rather than spend every conversation silently tearing back and forth "Flirting or friendly? FLIRTING OR FRIENDLY?!" I just defaulted to "friendly". I'm not entirely sure which is more disheartening: to think I've missed out on a number of opportunities (relationship or otherwise), or to assume I haven't.

 

Bonus:



Boy, did I learn from that one.

 

Not my first but I'm always surprised how comfortable I get with somebody after a few months.

I go from dating to YER MY WYFE! way too quickly. I think a lot of women expect formal courting for like a year.

Ain't no Plan9 got time for that. I wanna get to the stage where we grunt at each other while brushing our teeth at 6 AM.

...

"I can't provide drama in your life. If you need drama, you're with the wrong guy. I fold my socks. I have a diverse investment portfolio. I'm emotionally stable."

I am so very glad that I found a no-bullshit woman that is just as "tough titty, kid" as I am about a lot of things. She was totally unexpected. And blond. I don't even like blonds.

 

Well, except the part where I daisy-chain'd all two dozen of her thongs together to make a festive scarf.

/threadjack

 

I expect one for Christmas, please. (Clean underwear would be nice though)

 

I wish I would have gotten over myself MUCH earlier. I wasted 2 years of not being with DaddySquirrel because he was weird...because he lived in a different state... blah blah blah.

I missed 2 years of being with this great guy.

 

Tully, that must have been hell. I'm sorry that you had to go through it. Cyber manhug sent.

Your post strikes close to home for me. My wife & I have been married for nearly 27 years. In theory that's quite an accomplishment, while in reality things are not as nearly as good as they could/should be.

 

You mean like...

 

Major Crush grew up across the street from me. We ran in different circles, so I never had a chance. Girl Next Door had a big crush on me, but I only liked her as a friend. Years later, I run into Major Crush (now single, with 2 kids) with Girl Next Door, and I invite them to my New Year's Eve Party. Major Crush cancels out because one of her kids is sick. Girl Next Door shows up at the party. Hamsterball and GND have too much to drink, get serious horny, withdrawal from the party (at my apartment) and spend the rest of the night ringing in the New Year. Before, during, and after midnight....awkward New Year's Day ensued.

 

The Big Dog, without a doubt. His barking was much worse than his biting. They both left bruises, but the barked ones I still retain.

 

Got married when I was 17.
That pretty much tells the tale.