Gift Giving and Consumerism

I'm struggling this year to wrap my head around trying to buy Christmas presents for people. While I enjoy buying gifts for my husband, I really don't like shopping for anyone else. I have an aversion to "stuff," and my feeling is that many Christmas gifts just end up being "stuff." Personally, I've largely stopped asking for stuff for Christmas from people, and if I ask for a gift card, I ask for one from Ulta, so I can buy things I need and want and would actually use. I don't need more clothing (I really, truly don't). There really isn't a lot I want or need in the $100 price range that seems to be appropriate for gift giving. I'd rather have the $100.

I ran across a comment elsewhere that said younger people are more interested in experiential consumerism--buying an experience--versus material consumerism--buying stuff, and I thought it rang true. I would rather go have a nice dinner out, go wine tasting, go explore a new brewery, or go to a public garden, a museum, or the like, than have a thing given to me. I struggle to figure out what "stuff" to get others, as I don't want the things I buy to end up buried in a drawer, forgotten. I know that they will, so what's the point in buying it in the first place? Isn't that just a waste of money on my part? A memory of a fun day is harder to put in a drawer and forget.

I also struggle because even though we're now out in the working world, making some money, we're still not making even close to what my in-laws make (they make probably 3x what we do, in the six figures), yet I'm still supposed to give them a material gift? That's not the set of expectations I grew up with. My parents, by contrast, like a nice card and a dinner out when they come to visit, or a donation to charity on their behalf (cancer and Alzheimers charities are always a safe bet). And yes, I've tried suggesting other things, but my MIL poo-poos them. This is the first year where she's actually suggested something useful I can get for them that is within my price range. I think part of it may be that there are other family issues at play here; gifts were not done in my FIL's family, so gift-giving in general at Christmas is a horribly awkward experience, and I never know what to expect from my MIL--one year, you get a present that's incredibly expensive, and the next, it's hardly anything. It leaves me scratching my head.

Does anyone else have to deal with this struggle between experiential consumerism and material consumerism? Or am I totally alone in my aversion to stuff?

 

Skogafoss and I don't do material gifts for people, birthdays and Christmas included. We do it for kids because they don't know any better, but still I'd rather not give gifts. Not that I'm stingy, but the sake of buying for the sake of buying is a stupid cycle to me. I include experiential consumerism with material consumerism especially now that we no longer manufacture goods but provide services moving to a service based economy.

Still the experience consumerism is based on the same ideals consume for the sake of consumption and keeping the engine going.

For me experiential services are more or less based on better than normal, so thus a once in a lifetime experience is better than say a gift card to a movie screening, which the individual would do for themselves anyways.

 

I've been giving experience-based gifts to my nieces and nephews for years. It's more memorable. Trips to museums, an annual family zoo membership, etc...

As for others...
I tend to give unique or useful consumables:
Tea is one of my favorite things to give.
I also like to take people out to lunch or dinner at their favorite place, or someplace they'd love but never been.
It's pretty fun to give unique food items - things that are region-specific or culturally unique.
I used to give people journals and stationary. I'm a journal-writer, a card-sender, and a letter-writer, but I found that my peers are less and less interested in physically writing so I have tapered off on these and only get them for my pen-pals.
I used to give people books, but it seems most of my friends have switched to e-books so I'm no longer able to look at their shelves and figure out what their interests are and what books are "missing".
I also like to give jewelry. It doesn't take up much storage space, is easy to mail, and it's usually well-received.
Oh, and who can go wrong with orchids? Seriously. Hypoallergenic and beautiful. They're good all-around.

Though I also like to give people things that are uniquely "them". These are considerably more work to find, and therefore do not usually happen at Christmas when I'm looking for more than just them - these tend to be special occasions or birthdays. For graduation gifts for my lab-mates I purchased them clothing items that would help them appear more professional as they entered the workforce. I purchased a tie for the man (which he wore to his interview for his dream job, and got it), and an artsy-but-professional dress for the woman. They were items that I knew suited their personalities, but that they wouldn't ever purchase for themselves.

Oh! And if I've stayed as a guest at someone's house it's a tradition for our family to send the host a semi-dwarf fruit tree, to be delivered during the next bare-root planting season. Kind of an odd thing, looking at it typed out here... but we've been doing it for 3 generations and it has always been a huge hit. It's a fairly unique way of saying "Thank you!" and "We're still thankful! We miss you!" half a year later.

As for your in-law's expectations...
That's really a bummer. We don't have anyone in our lives that really "expect" gifts. So if we miss someone one Christmas, it's not a big deal. We focus on spending time with those we love for the holidays.

 

And the expectations make it difficult to enjoy spending time with them some years.

I went and got all of my canning stuff out of storage the other day. Everyone is getting jams and jellies this year. EVERYONE.

 

Cookie plates are "frowned upon" in my husband's family because one auntie apparently has cornered the market on cookies, and my MIL is perpetually on a diet (see blog), so she always thinks auntie's cookies will be enough. My MIL tries to tell me not to bring cookies; I always bring them anyway and bring tins to give away to people, as despite her protests, the auntie who always brings cookies loves particular Christmas cookies of mine that she does not make.

It's one of the situations around the holidays that I have learned to ignore.

 

I want to hear more about this.