QOTD #82: How to speak respectfully about misogyny?

How do you speak respectfully about misogyny?

When someone makes a comment that puts women down, how do you respond?
Do you ignore it?
Do you point out that their words sound misogynistic?
Do you inform them that their words could be hurtful?
Do you attempt to show them what might be a funny joke in the situation instead?
How does your response differ in a professional setting vs a personal friendship?

With a women running for president in the US, I find misogynistic comments popping up everywhere in my life. Even from people who I thought were clearly not misogynist - they are picking up these phrases from somewhere and throwing it out back into the world... I'm sitting here awe-struck. I have no idea how to respond. I found myself saying nothing for most of my life, yet now... now it seems entirely too important to let it slide anymore.

Does pointing out a misogynistic leaning in a comment make me a feminist? And how is that a bad thing?

Share any experiences related to misogyny that you feel may be applicable.

 

"Well, geez, that sure sounds misogynistic."

"You know, when you say stuff like that, you sound like a misogynist."

Those are variants of what I say in my classroom. We then have a fun little lesson on words, roots, and why it's not okay to say that stuff in my classroom.

Additionally, being a feminist means wanting equality for everyone. I can't see how that's bad--unless you're a white man.

 

Would your response be any different if it were a superior in your workplace making the remark?

 

With Hillary Clinton a nominee for President the general mistrust and dislike that she evokes is probably not entirely to be blamed on misogyny. There are many men and women who would applaud a woman as candidate, but not this particular woman. Not to say that some misogyny isn't there, but Ms. Clinton would probably be highly disliked and mistrusted even if she were a he.

And where was all the talk of misogyny a few years ago when the invective was being directed toward Sarah Palin?

If it does, so what? Being a feminist is not a bad thing. I may not drink all the Kool-Aid, but I consider myself a feminist, independent (and non-dependent) in thought word and deed.

I wonder how many people don't really understand misogynist the word, and think that any criticism of any woman is by definition misogynistic. And I'm curious why don't you just say misogyny is not okay anywhere. Or even to call it wrong instead of "not okay" or "not acceptable"?

 

I love the camels with hammers civility pledge. It's a way of life. This is exactly what I did the other day and the person responded with

and

How do you reason with a person who is seething with hate?

 

I have to start with a context they understand. I work in a pretty blue-collar, conservative community where misogyny is de rigeur with some people. These kids have never been told that these things are wrong. We start with not saying it in my classroom, and it grows from there. This is not the only word or concept I am trying to teach them in terms of being better humans.

 

A Quaker friend pointed me toward it a couple of years ago.

Yes... I suppose there comes a point when one must simply walk away from a conversation and the hurtful individual. It's a difficult lesson for me.

I'm starting to wonder if it's even remotely appropriate for a woman to point out misogyny. But if we don't, then who will?