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Dating in Modern Times

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by rogue49, Aug 6, 2017.

  1. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Ok, I promised @Poetry that I'd create a thread on dating,
    so she could see the trials of dating (both past and present)

    This thread is for ANYTHING about dating and the single life.

    It can be about the quality of the online site.

    Adventures and misadventures you've had
    Both past and present.

    If you were single and now 'tached., you can put up a past experience.

    These can all include opinions on dating...yours or about others.
    You can relay stories you've heard. (but please, be real...it has to have some truth.)

    You can give opinions on the statements and stories, doesn't matter if you're single or not or in limbo.

    If it's about a "relationship" is shouldn't be about an established one
    but one that's still ambiguous and potentially temporary. (it's about dating and being single.)

    No made up stuff, no fake news.
     
    rogue49, Aug 6, 2017
    #1
  2. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Ok, that being said.

    Friggin' Bumble!

    It doesn't have a categorization to see if a person wants kids/family.

    And that's damned hard to put it in their very short personal summary
    and make it seem positive/non-negative.

    This is the 2nd time that I've started flirting with a woman
    and it turns out she's not wanting to have kids or can't have them.

    And yes, I want kids...I want my own, mini-me's.
    I don't mind others', but for me, you gotta be willing to add another.

    I didn't get to have them with my ex-wife
    And I've wanted them since I was 20
    But NO, I'm not going to be a baby daddy "by accident/on purpose"
    And I'm not going to settle just to have a family. (not my nature, sorry)

    I think EVERY dating site should have at least some "deal breaker" categories to list.
    This gets this out of the way, you don't start something you just have to let fade.

    Sure, they say they want to be friends...but it never turns out that way.

    How's that for a start, @Poetry ??
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2017
    rogue49, Aug 6, 2017
    #2
    • Like Like x 3
  3. ASU2003

    ASU2003 Very Tilted

    Location:
    Where ever I roam
    I live in a bad location for dating. It is big enough that you don't see the same people over and over. However, it has enough people so that there is always a better option out there. Yet, it isn't the big city where you have lots and lots of single people.

    People are way too flaky and busy. And I have no idea how people can go from one relationship to another one. I might be on the left side of things, but I still favor lifelong monogamy.

    Internet dating is a mess. Match.com, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Bumble haven't worked. But, I am curious as to how many profiles are fake, and how many responses a real woman actually gets.

    And then you have the dating TV shows that aren't helping things. You now don't have to compare with people in just your local area, but with a select few who get famous at the national level. And some TV shows and movie romances have a team of writers writing their perfect lines and conversations. It would be interesting to try the Dating Naked TV show though.

    I liked the SNL skit for Settl, and it is probably too accurate. Although I would use it if there was one where I could choose from a bunch of American women. Actually, finding a bride in Eastern Europe is starting to look like the only viable option that I have anymore.
     
    ASU2003, Aug 13, 2017
    #3
  4. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    I live in a "good" area for dating...but all that means is volume of singles...not quality of people...nor do they "leap" on you more.
    A significant messed up are out there (man, woman, gay, straight, no matter)
    And getting to know someone and having you BOTH click AND want to stay together...is very challenging (if you're not a player)

    Match.com and OKCupid have become a haven of scam artists and sociologists. (fake accounts to gain a response...money or info) They were good...not any more.
    Tinder and Bumble are not good for me (who has time to constantly swipe??) ...also there's not enough room for description...and no criteria for "deal-breakers" (sorry, I want a family...fine if you don't...but that won't sync)
    (***although Bumble tends to have an exceptional amount of very pretty women, who have flocked there...since they get to make the first move, not men...and this protects them the over abundance of idiots, asshats and slobbering admirers)
    On E-harmony...people are INTO getting married, not the relationship...they want to just BE in a marriage. (I want to marry someone I love...not just be in an agreement, just to be with someone)
    Geek2Geek sucked, turned lame.
    Seven Or Better, met a few...no more, it's not very active. (if that size aspect matters to you, and it does to some...some don't want that...and it can be a factor, good or bad...for both sides)
    Even if your hard up and horny (been there, done that) ...sites like Adult Friend Finder...are mostly scam artists and questionable people.

    Best one I've found is Plenty Of Fish.
    Women are real. Activity is decent. (goes in cycles and waves, just wait for the next) There's some criteria, so you know some "deal-breaker" attributes.
    It gives plenty of room to write out, if you want. Lots to prompt compatibility. You can view and scan in a pinch.
    And it's the best bang for buck deal out there.
    Starts free...and there's plenty for free. Upgrading is really optional, not bad rate (3 months for $30)
    And they don't nickel and dime you...fee you to death, make you upgrade for another feature. Push you to spend.
    It's free...which includes emails BOTH ways. Or upgrade...one upgrade...and you got it all.
    I've had plenty of dates (or opportunities at least, from it...the site is not responsible for the quality or flakiness of its members)
    Oh yeah...
    They are really diligent about zapping the scammers and sociologists off there. Mostly real women...if they seem unreal, they tend to disappear within the day.
    (I would assume men too, I just don't deal with them in this case) But ladies have told me the same experiences.

    I date from real life meets...at the typical places...and atypical/normal.
    It's just that online is just one more opportunity and it expands the volume, area
    and some discretion. (they don't write that shit their foreheads, y'know)
    Dating is complicated and complex.
    At least for me it is.
    I haven't the fortune to just have it happen.
    (I think my sincere incessant talking interferes...but that's who I am...a few ladies like it, they're just hard to find...that and I'm a horny bastard who likes a good amount of sex...also hard to find)
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2017
    rogue49, Aug 17, 2017
    #4
  5. Remixer

    Remixer Middle Eastern Doofus

    Location:
    Frankfurt, Germany
    I have never dated.

    I've been on plenty of date nights with the women with whom I have been and am together, but all of those were without the "canvassing of the relationship candidate" component as they happened after the relationships were already official. I was never one of those guys who sets out after girls to chase them, and with all of the relationships between mid-teens till now in my late-twenties I kind of just stumbled into them.

    Now that I think about it, it's weird how it kept happening.

    I think when I was 16 or 17 I once created a profile on one of the dating portals, though mostly out of curiosity to see what the scene is like and didn't pursue it in any serious manner.

    Why are sociologists getting banned from online dating? Am I missing something here?

    That's pretty harsh... they just love studying people. :p
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2017
    Remixer, Aug 17, 2017
    #5
  6. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    How would you like to be sincerely looking for a relationship...or whatever floats your boat
    and have to wade through a ton of false accounts testing for your reaction like a friggin' test rat???
    Do you want to waste your time?
    Even more important, your emotion?

    It's like psychological blue balls.
     
    rogue49, Aug 17, 2017
    #6
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Remixer

    Remixer Middle Eastern Doofus

    Location:
    Frankfurt, Germany
    I'm not getting it. You're saying there's sociologists/sociology enthusiasts whose dating profiles are nothing more than social experiments, and they're numerous enough that it's a frequent issue for those actually seeking mates?

    If that's the case, yeah.. fuck 'em.
     
    Remixer, Aug 17, 2017
    #7
    • Like Like x 2
  8. MeltedMetalGlob

    MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

    Location:
    Who cares, really?
    I have a crash-and-burn story from my not-so-illustrious dating past:

    It was early 1997, and a new co-worker who I really got along with kept insisting that I should meet a girl who he had a platonic relationship with, (This guy already had a girlfriend, so I didn't think anything of it.) All three of us went out once or twice on group dinner "dates" that was just us hanging out with no expectations. He really pushed for me to call her (She seemed way out of my league, but I was willing to give it a chance) so I got her number and we talked a few times.

    On our phone calls, several red flags went up that signaled trouble. Although she seemed pleased that I had called her, I noticed she had an extremely cold-blooded attitude towards me. During one phone call, she said she had to make another call and would call me back in 15 minutes. I waited over an hour and decided to call her back again (rookie mistake) and when I asked her why the delay, she simply stated she didn't feel like calling back.

    Ouch.

    Nevertheless, I marched onwards and asked for a date. She said she wanted to wait until her mid-term finals were over and then her schedule would be free- in two weeks. I agreed, and waited patiently until the third week of February.

    I called back and she seemed even more standoffish than her usual detached personality. Abruptly I got tired of the bullshit and called her out on it- she confessed that she already had a boyfriend- she went to an Anti-Valentine's Day Party, met the man of her dreams, and they were already a serious item after only a week.*

    [​IMG]

    Realizing I was wasting my time, I gracefully made my exit (to my credit, I did not call her any names) and had a few words with my co-worker. He was genuinely surprised at her behavior. He made a few more efforts to try to set me up with other women, but none of them were having it.

    The epilogue to this misadventure: this other girl would break up with her dream man only a few months later, and would immediately begin fucking an unemployed musician. (those guys always get laid regardless of circumstances)

    I would go on to meet the girl who would eventually lead me to try to slash my wrists.

    * - this was typical of my luck; women who had no interest in me were quick to label their men as "boyfriends" ASAP, but I went three months dating one girl who became offended when I introduced her as my girlfriend (she dumped me immediately for that insult)

    Ain't love grand? ;)
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018
    MeltedMetalGlob, Sep 2, 2017
    #8
    • Like Like x 4
  9. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    @MeltedMetalGlob you're a nice guy...and attentive (as I am). You went for a girl who's a flake and likes bad boys.
    She develops an illusion in her head...and does as she wills. You're expecting logic, when there is none. Her "reality" is not reality.

    I've tried to go for the same myself...lesson learned. (and have done it again...or not learned, I guess)
    It's hard to define these ladies because you expect truth....but it's "charlie brown, lucy and the football" scene.

    And the douche-bags get them...because they don't care...and will say anything. Whatever is convenient, even "I love you"...when they only love themselves.
    Love by the sword, die by the sword. (hard to feel sympathy for the woman...cause she does it herself)

    Now, I'm sure there are men like this too. (I just don't have to deal with them...nor do you too) And they go for female douche-bags. (same for gay and bi too)
    You just have to be aware...and wary...if you're sincere and straight-forward person.
    Some don't live in reality...or they live in multiple realities.

    Now, I have to currently deal with this in dating...detecting inconsistencies from the start.
    Fortunately, you only have to deal with ONE inconsistency these days. ;)

    I've found, if you want someone...then they need to show they want to be WITH you too. It's not one way.
    And I'm not one for this coy/mystery BS
    You want me, you be there.

    Unfortunately, texting has exaggerated this ambiguity even more. :rolleyes:
    So I watch for signs in the stories I'm told.
    White lies tend to go to dark closets with skeletons :confused:

    Me, you get one or two shots...if not, then "next!!".
    Why?? Because if they're doing this now...what are they going to do when the shit really hits the fan in life??? (not if...WHEN, guaranteed...life as it is)

    Good story...it re-enforces some "policies" I have.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
    rogue49, Sep 4, 2017
    #9
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Azharen

    Azharen Getting Tilted

    Location:
    Springfield, OR
    I have absolutely no idea how to date at my age or in the modern area. Things were definitely easier when I was younger, dumber and less inhabited.
     
    Azharen, Oct 19, 2017
    #10
    • Agree Agree x 1