Forgiveness without apology

Have you ever forgive someone without them apologizing to you? I thought about this for a long time and I've concluded that I don't need someone to apologize to me in order to forgive me, though it would make forgiving them a lot easier.

It all started when a friend of mine played a joke on me. I was offended for sure, but he said since it's a joke I overreacted. He stood his ground and would not apologize to me. Then I thought about why apologies are necessary for forgiveness and whether or not I truly need him to say sorry to me. Turned out I didn't. Apologies and forgiveness need not be mutually exclusive.

I do think the level of offense determines how easy it is to forgive--apology or not. And in my case, it wasn't that big a deal so it's not worth the trouble.

 

To forgive without an apology depends if you want to carry the burden of pain around and weigh you down forever. There is always a certain level of pain that goes with the subject of forgive and apology which involves two parties.

I do like the saying "forgive, but never forget". I don't follow that always though, it really depends on the situation.
To forgive feels pretty good; giving an apology is tough.

 

Yes, I think that the level of the offense is indeed the issue. In other cases, all the apologies in the world will never bring forgiveness. Somethings just cannot be fogiven.

 

I'm not sure I agree. I think that forgiveness releases the pain, allowing us to let go.

Apologies aren't necessary and nor will an apology necessarily lead to true forgiveness. Forgiveness is an internal matter, and is about letting go.

 

Agreed, but so is an apology. You do it for yourself. It is better if it is accepted/reciprocated by the other party, but it's so you can go on, without all the baggage of a grudge or guilt.

 

Of course an apology is nice for the other person too, I'm not saying it isn't. I just think that primarily it's something you need to do, for yourself, to get it off of your chest. Even when the apology isn't accepted, you at least made the effort to make amends.

Maybe I'm not saying it right, but it isn't required for a sincere apology to be accepted, to mean something to you.

 

I think something important to keep in mind is that we all need forgiveness. We've all made mistakes that have hurt other people. Do we want forgiveness? Yes. Do we need forgiveness? Yes. We need forgiveness because without out it every relationship we have would fail. So do unto others as you would have them do to you. If you would like to be forgiven for your mistakes, then forgive others.

 

I think apology moreso in favor of the person who apologizes, as that is his way of making amends for his offenses; and forgiveness works in favor of the person who forgives, as that is his way of making peace with being wronged. Hearing "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you" is really nice icing on the cake as it validates the apology and the forgiveness. Am I making sense?

 

Growing up one of the most common things I heard was "Sorry doesn't cut it". Not so paradoxically I was also quickly taught that the rest of the world cares more about whether or not you say you're sorry than whether or not you actually are and especially whether or not you're going to do something about it.

I'll use it as most people expect when doing business or with the general public but to anyone that knows me for any significant length of time I quickly tell not to bother or to expect one. I apologize by doing, not by saying, and I expect the same.

 

While most commonly expressed in a religious context, these words should be applied to our secular lives as well. I know that I would not be about to celebrate my 32nd wedding anniversary if QW and I did not live this philosophy.

 

As Tiger-Bunny reminded:

"Holding a grudge is like letting somebody live rent-free in your head."

 

All this outward apologizing has often a lot to do with egos, I think. Sometimes words aren't enough, if I know, the situation will repeat. I guess, I don't need apologies, I'm not really good with them either. I'm more likely to distance from a person, if nothing in the behaviour changes.

 

Sometimes you don't know what to do, other than say sorry. You can't take an action back, but you can offer an apology, and do your best to not do that action again. Forgiveness can be conditional, in such cases, I guess.