Life Hacks for the Neurodiverse

I will share things I come across that may be helpful. I will include sources in the form of links to original content when I have them.

Please share your life hacks here as well!

Here's an interesting treasure trove that motivated the creation of this thread:

If you are Autistic, you have a much stronger likelihood that you are also ADHD (and vice versa).

So let's talk about 3 accomodations at home, which help BOTH groups to function better.
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1) Nesting
This is when you allow your ND kid to have a combination work and relaxation space.

Everything they might need, is in a small area.

To others, it might appear cluttered, but the clutter serves a purpose.

By keeping things like fruit snacks, nail clippers, markers, gemstones, glue, combs, batteries, Ziplock bags, fidgets, books, bandaids, sandpaper, toothbrush, sporks, folders, chargers, Stuffed animals and Lego all in one space--

your child can MINIMIZE TRANSITIONS to go fetch items.

And that helps their EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING.

Ever walk into a room and forget why you are there? It happens to them CONSTANTLY.

CLUTTER (in moderation) can be an ACCOMODATION.
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2) Set the MOOD
Neurodivergent bodies don't process Dopamine, properly.

Some ND brains don't have enough Dopamine, period.

Others have reduced Dopamine signaling in areas of the brain that NEED Dopamine in order to access MOTIVATION.

And that's not all, it's good for.

Dopamine is ALSO essential for
FOCUS,
REGULATION,
COORDINATION
DECISION MAKING
LEARNING
GOOD MOODS
and CIRCULATION.

So, if your kiddo has a Dopamine deficiency,
and you aren't SUPPLYING them with adequate sources if Dopamine,
it's going to be HARD to get them to perform chores and self care tasks.

That means that the best thing you can do, to ACCOMODATE them is to ensure they feel
HAPPY,
SAFE,
and PLAYED WITH, before you even think to engage them in chores.

I talk about this more in my speech for the FREE upcoming, online PDA Conference (link in the comments) It's a bit of an art, if you grew up with an Authoritarian Parenting model.

But charming your child
by eliciting info dumps,
by telling them jokes,
by sharing weird facts,

And By offering to show them how to do interesting things like how--
to use a caulking applicator,
to use a paint sprayer,
to replace a door knob,
to strike a match to light a candle (assuming they are old enough to have that responsibility)

By playing with them
(I'm a big fan of everyone putting on silly tutus so we have to dance our way from task to task...
but I have a friend who uses LED candles, Elf ears, and Netflix firelog screens, to make dish washing a D&D tavern activity....
and I know someone else who BAKES while they clean so that when the bread is done they have an instant reward and can stop the work....
Gamify your chores!)

And by working alongside them as a body doubler,

You can help BUILD UP their Dopamine so that self care and HOME CARE activities become desirable!

MAKING PLAY the VIBE, can be an ACCOMODATION.
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3) Stop thinking of SHOULDS and start thinking of CANS.

If you try to live by society's expectations, always telling yourself what your family SHOULD look like and SHOULD accomplish....
you will always be frusterated and its going to impact how you engage with your loved ones and house mates.

So remind yourself that your family looks GOOD!

You are all surviving, you are all learning and you are living your truth.

You CAN clean out the car...if you want to, and if you have the time and ability to.

But if you DON'T want to...so what?

I don't want pizza for dinner. And that's morally NEUTRAL.

There's nothing wrong with me choosing roast chicken instead.

And there nothing wrong with you choosing to watch The Great British Bake off instead of cleaning out the car.

YOU get to choose how to use your spoons.

You CAN do lots of things...but that doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Sometimes the best things to do are to rest, recuperate, laugh, eat, spend time with pets/friends, and read.

And anyone that tells me I SHOULD be washing the floors instead, can get their bum off my couch and leave my house.

Nobody else is in charge of my spoons. They have their OWN to manage... and I don't need another person's demands, weighing me down.

Letting go of SHOULDS and embracing CANS, is an important ACCOMODATION.
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And now, a question....

How could you set the mood to make Back to School, feel SAFE and HAPPY and PLAYFUL, for your child?

And if you Unschool....how could you set the mood to make cleaning their room, feel SAFE and HAPPY and PLAYFUL?

(The place I pulled this from has taken it down, I will look to see if they published it elsewhere)

 

This feels related.

Pulled this bio about a woman inventor from elsewhere.

She had 12 children and a PhD in engineering.
When her husband died, she invented the foot-pedal trash can—and revolutionized how kitchens work.
Some people see problems. Lillian Moller Gilbreth saw possibilities.
Born in 1878 in Oakland, California, Lillian was the oldest of nine children in a well-to-do Victorian family. She was shy, bookish, more comfortable with ideas than people.
But she was brilliant.
After excelling in high school, she had to convince her father to let her attend college—because in the 1890s, many families believed higher education was wasted on women. He relented.
In 1900, Lillian graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, with a bachelor's degree in English literature. She became the first woman permitted to speak at a University of California commencement ceremony.
That was just the first of many firsts.
She earned a master's degree. Then, encouraged by the man who would become her husband, she pursued a doctorate—not in literature, but in psychology.
In 1904, Lillian married Frank Gilbreth, a construction contractor and efficiency expert who'd never attended college but possessed a brilliant, practical mind. He saw in Lillian something rare: a partner who could match his intellectual ambition.
Together, they pioneered what became known as "time-and-motion studies"—a revolutionary approach to understanding work.
The concept was simple but transformative: carefully observe how people perform tasks, identify wasted movements, and redesign the process to be faster, safer, and less exhausting.
They filmed workers performing tasks—using motion picture technology that was still new—then analyzed the footage frame by frame. They broke every action into its component parts, studying reach, posture, repetition.
They invented "therbligs"—Gilbreth spelled backwards—a system of 17 fundamental motions that comprise all human work. Search. Select. Grasp. Transport. Position.
Their goal wasn't just efficiency for its own sake. Lillian brought something unique to their work: psychology. She cared about worker satisfaction, safety, dignity.
While Frank timed everything with a stopwatch, obsessed with speed, Lillian watched workers' faces. She asked: Are they comfortable? Are they happy? How can we make this work less exhausting, less soul-crushing?
She believed that efficiency and humanity weren't opposites—they could enhance each other.
The Gilbreths became sought-after consultants. Factories, hospitals, offices—everyone wanted their expertise. They wrote books together (though publishers often refused to credit Lillian, believing a female author would hurt credibility). They lectured. They thrived.
And they had children. Lots of them.
The Gilbreths applied their efficiency principles at home, turning their household into a living laboratory. They timed how long it took to wash dishes, brush teeth, make beds. They experimented with workflows. They involved their children in testing new methods.
By 1924, they had twelve children—and a family life that was equal parts love, chaos, and scientific experiment.
Two of their children would later write about growing up Gilbreth in the bestselling memoir "Cheaper by the Dozen," which became a beloved film. The book captured the quirky brilliance of parents who approached parenting like engineers solving a puzzle.
Then everything changed.
In June 1924, Frank Gilbreth died suddenly of a heart attack. He was 55 years old.
Lillian was 46, with eleven children still at home—the youngest still in school, the oldest just 19.
Overnight, she lost her partner, her collaborator, her co-parent.
And worse: she lost most of her income.
Corporate clients canceled their contracts. They'd hired "the Gilbreths," not a woman alone. Despite Lillian's PhD, despite her contributions being equal to or greater than Frank's, companies refused to work with her.
A widow. With eleven children to feed and educate. In 1924, when women rarely worked outside the home, certainly not as engineers.
Lillian faced a choice: quit working and rely on charity, or rebuild her career from scratch.
She chose to rebuild.
But she was strategic. If companies wouldn't hire her as an industrial engineer, she'd focus on domains they thought women could legitimately handle: homes. Kitchens. Domestic efficiency.
She took the principles she'd developed for factories and applied them to the place where most women spent their days—often in isolation, performing repetitive, exhausting labor without recognition.
Lillian began consulting for appliance manufacturers—General Electric, Macy's, Johnson & Johnson. She interviewed over 4,000 women to understand how they actually used kitchens. What heights were comfortable? Which movements caused strain?
She discovered that kitchens were designed by men who didn't cook, for women whose needs were never considered.
So she redesigned them.
She developed the L-shaped kitchen—maximizing efficiency by minimizing walking distance between sink, stove, and refrigerator.
She studied counter heights, discovering that standard heights caused back pain. She recommended adjustable or varied heights to accommodate different tasks and different bodies.
She invented shelves for refrigerator doors—including the egg keeper and butter tray we still use today.
She helped improve electric mixers, can openers, and stoves.
And she invented the foot-pedal trash can.
It seems simple now—so obvious we take it for granted. But in the 1920s, trash cans had lids you lifted with your hands. If you were preparing food, that meant contaminating the lid with raw chicken juice, then touching it again later.
The foot-pedal design was brilliant in its simplicity: open the trash can without using your hands. Prevent cross-contamination. Keep kitchens cleaner. Save time.
In an era when indoor plumbing and modern sanitation were still luxuries in many homes, this small invention helped prevent disease.
But Lillian's philosophy went deeper than clever gadgets.
She believed that good design should serve people, not the other way around. That efficiency wasn't just about speed—it was about reducing unnecessary strain, preserving energy for what mattered.
That women's work in the home deserved the same engineering attention as men's work in factories.
In 1929, she unveiled "Gilbreth's Kitchen Practical" at a Women's Exposition in New York—a fully designed, ergonomically efficient kitchen that became a model for modern kitchen design.
Her work caught attention. By the late 1920s and 1930s, Lillian Gilbreth had rebuilt her career entirely.
She became a consultant to major corporations. She advised the federal government—President Hoover appointed her to his Emergency Committee for Unemployment during the Depression, where she created a "Share the Work" program to generate jobs.
During World War II, she consulted for military bases and war plants, applying her efficiency methods to support the war effort.
In 1935, at age 57, she became the first female engineering professor at Purdue University—a position she held until her retirement at 70.
Except Lillian Gilbreth didn't really retire.
She continued working into her 80s. She lectured at MIT. She consulted. She wrote. She directed an international training center for disabled homemakers at NYU, designing kitchens that worked for people with physical limitations.
Over her lifetime, she received over 20 honorary degrees and countless awards:

First woman elected to the National Academy of Engineering (1965)
Second woman admitted to the American Society of Mechanical Engineers (1926)
First woman to receive the Hoover Medal (1966)—recognizing "great, unselfish, non-technical services by engineers to humanity"

She was called "the mother of modern management" and "a genius in the art of living."
In 1984, twelve years after her death, the U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp in her honor.
But here's what makes Lillian Gilbreth's story truly remarkable:
She succeeded in an era that told women they couldn't.
She raised eleven children while earning a PhD and building a career.
She lost her husband and her income—and refused to quit.
She took principles developed for factories and used them to improve the lives of women doing invisible, undervalued work at home.
She proved that efficiency could be humane. That good design reduces suffering. That making life easier for ordinary people is engineering's highest calling.
Every time you open your refrigerator door and grab something from the shelf inside, you're using Lillian Gilbreth's invention.
Every time you step on a foot pedal to open a trash can, you're benefiting from her insight.
Every time you work in a kitchen designed with ergonomics in mind—with counter heights that don't destroy your back, with appliances positioned to minimize movement—you're living in a world she helped create.
And yet, most people don't know her name.
They know "Cheaper by the Dozen"—the charming story of a quirky family. But they don't know the woman behind it was a pioneering engineer who changed how we think about work, design, and human dignity.
Lillian Moller Gilbreth lived to be 93 years old. She witnessed women gaining the right to vote, entering the workforce, achieving things she'd fought for her entire life.
She saw her inventions become standard in homes worldwide.
She saw her children grow up, have families of their own, carry forward her legacy of curiosity and compassion.
And through it all, she maintained a simple philosophy: design should serve people. Efficiency should reduce suffering, not increase it. Good engineering makes life more human, not less.
She had 12 children and a PhD in engineering. When her husband died, she invented the foot-pedal trash can—and revolutionized how kitchens work.
Some people see problems. Lillian Gilbreth saw possibilities—and turned them into systems that made life easier, cleaner, and more human.
The next time you open your trash can with your foot, remember the widowed mother of 12 who refused to quit—and changed the world from her kitchen.

And comments about this.
Yes, we learned about the Gilbreth time-motion studies and Lillian's kitchen studies & designs in our high school homemaking class. We each had to prepare a meal at home using the Gilbreth time motion studies to document the steps we took going between the sink, stove, oven & refrigerator and how long each stage in the preparation took. We had report on it in class the next day.

What stuck with me about Lillian's work was that average counter heights in kitchens is based on the average height of women in that era: 5'4" and for men 5'9'. But, that kitchen counter heights should be movable to accommodate the different people using the kitchen. I guess the building industry must have decided that the standard counter heights shall remain what works for people who are 5'4" and forget about that adjustable counter height stuff! So, if you're taller (or shorter) than 5'4', forget about Lillian's innovative adjustability recommendations.

When standing at the sink, the palms of one's hands should rest comfortably on the bottom of the sink; the height of the counters are proportionate to that. Also, the most efficient kitchen work triangle (sink, stove, refrigerator) should be no more than than about 3 steps or 4 feet) from each other.

There's a good book about her called "Making Time: Lillian Moller Gilbreth, A Life Beyond 'Cheaper by the Dozen'", by Jane Lancaster.

That logically leads to either reading the 1948 autobiographical book "Cheaper by the Dozen" by 2 of their 12 kids, Frank Bunker Gilbreth, Jr & Ernestine Gilbreth Cary.

Or, watch the same titled movies: 1950 Cheaper by the Dozen starring Clifton Webb, Myrna Loy & Jean Crain

2003 movie with the same title starring Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt & Hilary Duff.