The Complaining and Bitching Thread

A few weeks ago was my 12th wedding anniversary...

...and my wife forgot.

As that date is looked on with great regret, it comes down to no harm, no foul.

However, she chose to lament that she'd wished that she'd walked out on me years ago...

...on our anniversary.



(I wish I was making this stuff up, folks. What a classy lady.)

 

Dude, my wife won't let me forget our WA.

But FWIW........I'm not getting any either.

 

Damn it, fix your fucking HR website. This is ridiculous.

 

I honestly have no idea and would prefer not to find out. Just getting something to court here could take years. Like to be enjoying my swimming pool sometime prior to my passing.

Best of luck with your ticket situation.
--- merged: May 12, 2016 at 1:21 PM ---

That's fucking harsh man. Got kids? In a multi-billion dollar business with her? If not I'd be planning my exit strategy.

 

Sometimes I think it would be better to live under an underpass than be married... But my wife 'loves' me.

 

Do I have crazy eyes or is I LOVE CRAZY anywhere on me?! Why do I have such terrible taste in men. It's getting unbelievable.

 

We're all crazy. That's our secret.

 

I have a ten year old girl who gets 100% of my wife's attention, and about 30% of the brunt of her unpredictable mood swings, so I stay to run interference/act as a shield. I need only stick around until she's ready to leave the nest, then I will likely bail as well. It'll be too late for me to start over, but at least I'll have some peace.
--- merged: May 12, 2016 at 10:26 PM ---

Well, if that serves as inspiration, then at least my suffering is not for nothing!

Which leads to this...

 

As you know I now sell cars. A guy and his girlfriend show up and I can smell the alcohol on his breath, even in the breeze. His speech is slow and deliberate. I would not have let him test drive. They take my card to come back tomorrow. I say "I would like her to drive out of here, you have been drinking". He says she's driving, and I tell him I saw him drive in. He gives me back my card. As he is walking away, he says "I'm allowed to have one drink". As she is driving away he is in the passenger seat yelling "fuck you" at me. Really classy. But I guess he really was sober. Because that's how sober people act. I pity their kids.

 

You are one hell of a man! I hope you have so much more than peace when that day comes!

 

Haven't been in the office in months. Only once this year I think actually. Have to go in today to see help desk. Freaking VPN is crapping out. Reinstall not working. Smh.

Refuse to be in here longer than I have to. As soon as they fix it, or I can get one of my spares working correctly, I'm out. Shooting for before noon.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

 

Fifteen years into my marriage I realized my wife and I were no longer a team, couple, connected... However you wanted to look at it we just were not working as a couple. Always two sides to these things but from my perspective she suffered from serve depression and quite likely at a minimum a mild case of agoraphobia. Her normal work week was three days. When not at work you could always find her in the bedroom with the blinds closed watching TV, reading or both. She worked at a store (Safeway) as a cake decorator. Often she would drive home and ask me to go the store and buy her snacks, drinks etc... During our marriage six people in my office had wedding, she never attended one. This always left me making excuses for her absence. One day she came home and told me "a lady I work with is getting married, we have to go. There's just way to get out of it." I told her "I thought we had a deal where wedding from our jobs we attend alone." Her response? "I'm not going to a wedding alone! You know how stupid I'll feel?" Yes, yes I do.

I stuck it out because I wanted to be there for my daughter. At first I told myself I'd stay until she finished high school. But she enrolled in a local community college for the first two years of her B.A. So I stayed for that too. Once my daughter moved out I told my wife she had one year to get help and after said year I was leaving if she didn't get it. She exclaimed "I don't have a problem and if I got help for that problem it wouldn't help." Um, yeah that makes sense. One year later I packed up and headed to Mexico.

So I think I understand though the situations are not exactly the same. Oh and as for it being to late to start over I wouldn't give up so easily. I've been in a great relationship for the past several years. Never say never.

Funny side note. I don't regularly Facebook. A few weeks back my better half mentioned my Facebook page says I'm single. I told her I'd change it and she said she really didn't care stating "I know Facebook isn't your thing." I went ahead and changed it. Over the next week or so I received messages through Facebook and email from old friends and even people on here stating how happy they were I found someone. It was true I had found someone... about three years ago.

 

I feel like I'm going against the grain, since this *is* the "Complaining and Bitching Forum" but I wanted to acknowledge your story and congratulate you on the outcome, as well as share my story.

I stayed in a 23 year marriage that was pretty much broken from the outset, though I failed to fully understand for the longest time (really, until she told me that, the moment she said "I do" she realized she'd made the mistake she feared). I was the wrong person for that whole time, and consistently wrong. I wouldn't remake myself, but I'd adjust as she criticized one thing, and then criticize the adjustment. I spent decades wondering why it was that *I* couldn't get our marriage right. Too much of a sense of responsibility, and too unwilling to say, "No, wait. We're not going to do it this way any more." I was too intent on keeping the peace and waiting out her vulnerable volatility until she was stronger and more willing to directly address things. I wanted to keep things calm and stable for our kids, right up until the point I realized that they'd be better off with an openly broken home than a secretly broken home that only modeled the wrong husband-wife relationship.

By that point, they were in high school, and I told my wife, who had also just started a very unhealthy dalliance with a coworker, "No more. We fix it or we end it." So, for about a year, things looked better. We were more engaged. She actually interacted with me. We actually had sex now and then. Unfortunately, at the same time her strange interaction with the coworker continued - obsessed with his well-being, taking money from our finances under the table to help him out, lots of time out of the house working on projects with him. Then, one day, after we'd had a perfectly nice dinner, on the way home, she burst out crying, telling me that from the day we married, I'd been, not a bad person, but a complete stranger to her. Lights came on in my head - that's why I was always wrong! I was simply always the wrong one! I was never what she wanted, and it took her almost a quarter century to admit it. I knew it was over then. She went to counseling, I said I'd come when it got to the point it would help, but it never did. Our kids handled it better than I imagined they would, though there was a some anger at having been left in the dark and essentially lied to the entire time. In retrospect, they should have gotten to see more arguments and fewer stony silence or alienated voids. We split the kids' time in half. I lived around the corner, so it was easy for them to go and come as needed, not a major production if someone forgot something at the other house.

I planned to never have another long-term relationship. Figured I couldn't make that one work, I just would be at peace alone. Then, I met someone who resonates with me, who supports and encourages me, who likes spending time with me, AND who challenges me when I'm off course or full of crap. It's a 2-way street, also. So much better than the bitter one-way silence of my first marriage. We started as friends not looking for a relationship, and for a year, I tried dating others, but she and I were essentially inseparable. She, the more insistent of the two of us about us not being a couple, barely half-heartedly dated a little. Finally, we both accepted the fact that neither of us was going anywhere because neither of us wanted to, and in truth, neither of us wanted the other to. So, I got very, very lucky. We both did, honestly.

 

^^^ Don't apologize for giving folks some hope. Congrats on a better life

 

The support is always appreciated, but the cold, hard reality of my situation is that I never had a girlfriend until I met my wife, who has made it clear that she only latched onto me from desperation and is regretting it now. I doubt I'd be any more successful getting back into the dating game.

But that's the future, bleak as it is, and not important to me right now. My daughter's needs come first before my own, and I will be there for her as long as it takes.

 

I married the first girl who slept with me more than once and who i dated all through college and it was never that passionate. You are older now, and older women want different things. The things that make you you would be better appreciated now. And she shouldn't live with regrets either. Explain to her that since she regrets you, you will remove yourself from her life.

 

The chances are good your daughter is aware of the tension between you and your wife, and will become more aware as she gets older. Staying together for the children is something many marriage counselors do not recommend. You're in a tough situation, and the decision as to how to handle it is yours alone
(my gift for pointing out the obvious must be shared, it's in my contract ).

Plus one for what Omega posted about older women wanting different things. I think that as we, men and women, mature we tend to be more accepting of what others are and are not; we tend to live more in the real world than the 'romantic' world of our youth.

 

I admire you for being there for your daughter as long as the environment isn't toxic to the point it's more damaging then a divorce would create. I stayed. When I did finally decided it was time I sat my daughter down and told her her mother and I were ending the marriage. She looked puzzled and exclaimed "but you guys are so good together." Mission accomplished I thought. As an added bonus she wasn't angry with me at the time and we still maintain a healthy relationship today.

As for your dating history, that was then this is now. I had dates in HS but only when a girl would ask me out. My father, it seems had one commandment- Thou shalt crush the soul and self esteem of any child born unto you. I could give you countless examples of him going out of his way to just destroy myself and bother's self worth. While tying my shoes one day he asked me what I was doing "Um, tying my shoes." "Huh, you're such a moron I had no idea you knew how to do that." I was about nine at the time. This type of crap, although at nine you have no idea it's crap, was just about daily for both my brother and I. Mother too at times. Though she stuck with him for 52 years until he passed in 2010. My father had polio as a child and one side of his body had very little muscle mass which I'm sure effected his self esteem so I guess in some weird attempt to compensate he berated us. We also were not allowed to have friends over and rarely allowed to leave the home. So with little to no self esteem and the social skills of a shut in second dates were rare. I had a few relationships but most turned out to be just as messed up or more then I. I think the longest lasted about six weeks.

I joined the military, attended college and took a job several hundred miles from my family, changed my life completely. So I'm not the same the person I was then and I'm sure you're not either. Plus I think you'll find women over thirty or thirty five to generally be looking for different qualities in a partner then teens and those in their early twenties. Same thing with men. When we're young and dating we tend to look for more superficial qualities. People dating later in life tend to look more for qualities such as stability, maturity, loyalty and people comfortable in their own skin.

I believe you have a better chance then you think.