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You and your sexual identity.

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by ralphie250, Aug 20, 2017.

  1. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    I did a search and there is nothing in the tfp about sexual identity other than about children so here is one now. If somebody can find one then you can merge the thread with it.





    Let me just say this I am a 36 year old man I am 6 feet 2 inches tall and weigh roughly 350 pounds. I have been married for 17 years to my wife who I love dearly most of the time LOL. I have been attracted to women all of my life why is that you ask? Because I love boobs and I love vajayjay. Did anybody tell me that I was supposed to find a woman attractive? No I did it on my own. Have I ever found men attractive? Yes I have and I still do today. Have I ever fantasized about being with a man yes I have. Why is that you ask? I don't know the answer to that maybe because I love sex and I love anything to do with sex I love the whole orgasm part the whole being with another person part and just enjoying myself all around. When I was a kid roughly 12 or 13 years old I had a friend who lived across the street he was a male just like I was he was the same age I am. And I can remember he and I play the game you show me yours I'll show you mine. We've all played that game at some point in time I'm sure that was the closest I've ever come to being with a man. Now with that being said have I ever had the opportunity to be with a man? That is a no why is that because I'm married I know that doesn't mean anything and yes I fantasize about watching my wife get fucked by another man while I watch and then join in. Is that going to ever happen no it's not how do I know this because my wife is not a very sexual person she was raised very differently than I was and my house we talked about sex when I was a kid it was nothing that was frowned upon it was something that was talked about so my parents made sure I was comfortable about talking to them about sex or anything for that matter. My wife on the other hand was not raised that way. And I am okay with that I have learned to just deal with it over the years. I knew that when I married her and nothing has ever changed. Sorry I got sidetracked back to the topic... I know that fantasy will never come true but I still fantasize about it whenever I masturbate that's what I think about sometimes and that's the kind of porn that I watch. Have I ever watch gay porn? Yes I have and I have gotten off to it also. Nobody ever told me who to love and who to find attractive I just figured it out on my own because that's who I am I love boobs of all shapes and sizes big ones small ones saggy ones. I love vajayjay I love spending time eating vajayjay. In today's society people are frowned upon for being gay or being transgender or being anything other than what some would call normal do I agree with that no because everyone is different. Look at me for example I'm a big fat man and nobody wants to have sex with the big fat man. But that is me and some people make fun of the big fat guy. Some people make fun of people for being gay or transgender. But that is a whole nother topic that has already been addressed. Now I know this was a lot for me to throw out here but it's who I am. So my question to you is do you find the same sex attractive? Have you ever been with the same sex?

    Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk
     
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  2. Remixer

    Remixer Middle Eastern Doofus

    Location:
    Frankfurt, Germany
    I don't find the same sex attractive at all, and never have. Also never had any type of sexual fantasy or dream involving men/manly body parts. I only find female features sexually attractive and am as straight an arrow as they come.

    My SO, however, could not be more opposite than me on this front. She's a pansexual through and through, so she finds every type of human sexually attractive - though some features have more appeal to her than others, and those are mainly psychological in nature.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  3. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    Had to Google that word....pansexual. Learn something new everyday

    Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk
     
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  4. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Firstly bravo to you @Ralphie for sharing so much of your personal and inner life, and also your evolving sexuality. That takes courage and a leap of faith to put out there! :) <3

    I identify as pansexual now, it was a long fraught road to get to a place of centered calm with that though...
    When I was little I was badly abused and had nothing but the despicable types of men around me. Except my very wonderful kind male cousins who I thank the Universe for to this day! I was fine around boys as long as they were within about 5 years of my age. Girls though smelled good to me, I liked the soft silly way they laughed, I loved wearing skirts, climbing trees, and I always wanted to make girls smile. If a girl liked me I was on cloud 9, if a boy liked me I was afraid. I'm going to share this, I've shared a bit of it here in blogs, but not in public like this. This is from my journal, and I'm nervous to share it.
    ~"made a friend who lived in a bus. She was fifteen, I was 6. She thought I was adorable, told her mom she wanted to keep me. She was the first person to ever talk to me about the sexual abuse I had been through. We were sitting on a curb next to their bus. She tried to give me hope. i loved her."
    ~"The school playground. By the big barrels, the leaves falling all around us. So much talk. We both came from pain. Yet there was beauty... I had never seen one so pale before, your eyes were ice, but they melted me. The soft fuzz on your head as pale as straw, but far softer. I knew you were a “bad boy”, but that really we were all acting and that was just a face to make it easier. That windy crazy day you kissed me, the buzz in my brain spread, I didn’t know boys could be tender. I smiled my secret smile, then in the hall you pinched my ass and kissed me again and I was lost in confusion."
    ~"When you took my hand and curled our small fingers together my heart raced, then with sun glinting into your golden curls you smiled and I knew what “sexy” was. You were only two months older but had sense about such things. You led me around your farm and introduced me to all of the animals. I felt the wind blowing my hair and fears up and away, on the back of your strong brown horse. You held tight to me, so I would not fall. Your father laughed. The fear returned that night, in your bed, you covered my face and body with kisses, and were sweet and kind and gentle. I wanted to be your sister and live with you forever."

    I thought I loved girls then, I was raised to believe that was so very wrong. That I would go to Hell, that I was an abomination. However, after what had already been done to me I already thought I was going to Hell, so I just hated myself. I hated myself for the abuse but also for feeling so attracted to and desirous of girls.
    Then this happened. *also from my journal.
    ~"the older girl, spending the night- her mom and the Lazy Jane poem from Silverstein hung up- being in her living room on the fold out sofa. what she did that night. the next day she gave me her beautiful old Spanish Barbie. i felt like she was buying my silence. :( "
    I came out as a lesbian at age 14 in two letters one to my mother and one to my Gramma. My mom was sort of surprised but indifferent, my grandmother though was hurt and felt like I had betrayed her, she also thought I would get over it. Had a year long relationship with a nice girl, that I'm still friends with. At 15 we had split up and I fell for a young man, also still good friend, and came out as bisexual to my mum & Gramma again. Lol. Also in letters. >.<
    We dated throughout high school. After high school I fell in love with several women. Then a man, etc. Had more relationships with females than males by a long stretch.
    I was completely blindsided by the man who would become my husband. I was new to the area and he got a kick out of driving me to meet women for blind dates where we would all 3 just be goofy, he introduced me to San Diego, and he went for walks with me around the cove every night and we just became the best of friends, then fell in love. Lived life, I hoped that I was finally straight, I wasn't, we have an odd and sometimes open relationship.
    During the beginning of our time together his ex finacée and her friend came out and his ex and i fell for each other and had a couple year long distance relationship.
    ~"Those breathy breathless calls that lasted until morning. distance stretching, time warping. Words liquid quivering, fingers strumming imagining you there instead of me. Wondering what you feel like, what is your scent, your tempo. Fingers tick away the minutes. Finally flying...nervous... meeting you in your home city. Shy, goofy, our words fumble and overlap. We are in giggles, lost to the promises we made the whispered sacraments given. "
    At some point the flashbacks and night terrors became to much I broke down, I confessed to my mom about what had happened, she urged me to get therapy and was really emotionally supportive. I found a therapist and went through years of EMDR therapy for the horrors, but she also helped me come to terms with being bisexual.
    I wrote this at that time...
    ~"i sit in a well lit coffee shop. i hate them, but need the normality. even if feigned. i am mother, wife, lover, bisexual woman, artist, and procrastinator. i'm trying to find a way to speak of the dark, without losing the light. my eyes feel shadowed every time i try."
    It was the first time I could admit to myself that I was in fact bisexual.
    It would be another 15 years before I realized that I fall for people not gender. Since then I've identified as pansexual, and am happy with that.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2017
    • Like Like x 8
  5. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    That's wonderful @Wildmermaid that you can be brave and put it out there.
    Thank you for the bravo. Living in the bible belt makes things like i said shuned on

    Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk
     
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  6. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    @ralphie250 One of the things I respect most about you is that you are always pushing yourself to grow, to break painful habits, to learn about the other sides of issues. To be a better human, husband and father, I admire that my friend.
     
    • Like Like x 6
  7. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    I agree one hundred percent with Lady Wildmermaid.
    Dude, you have a lot of depth to you and impress me on a constant basis.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  8. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    problem with me or it in general is im your typical southern redneck and my 'image" is what people see on a daily basis, but my deep inner thoughts are not something that I let out a lot. They just get shoved to the side and passed by. I know that's wrong but ive don't it all my life. lets just say theres a lot of shit to the side
     
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  9. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Still, you are always striving for more and to be yourself. We all fall down just keep on getting back up. Do you feel that you need a way to express your sexual identity to your wife or to the wider world?
     
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  10. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    maybe, maybe not. never really thought about it
     
  11. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    One of my best friend is gay but masculine. I met him in 95 but he only told me 2 years after. Remember how he open-up. We were playing Doom II and he suddenly paused the game. "i have something to tell you that could ruin our friendship." Stared to worry but thinking nothing bad happen for quite a while so i was confused. So asked him what do you mean? He then replied "not sure how you will take it but i'm gay." LOL my first reaction was that i was mad. Not for my friend being gay but for him worrying me just for that. "That's it!?!" I then poor more Scotch Whisky in our glasses and told him "don't ever scare me like that again!" But i could never have tell he was gay. The only remote guess i had was that he never talked about girls.
    --- Double Post Merged, Aug 22, 2017, Original Post Date: Aug 22, 2017 ---
    On an other note, i'm 100% hetero or maybe 99.9% at least. Being into BDSM, i guess if i was to be tortured by a man in front of a Mistress i would get some kind of kick out of that. Ok, call me a freak ;) but just being humiliated in front of a Mistress would turn me on. Maybe not exactly my ideal session but strangely enough i would still get a kick out of that.
     
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  12. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    When I was a personal trainer, one of our regulars was a big burly bearded guy named Herb. Turns out Herb was Barney Frank's partner. He and I used to talk pretty regularly. I forget how long it was before he mentioned he was gay, but it wasn't too long. I always liked Herb. He was very frank in conversations, and he was a man's man. It was very enlightening talking to him. I didn't pry, but he would mention stuff like the gay bar the eagle. No cologne, no Dockers. Jeans or leather pants. I asked him once in the locker room if anyone there did it for him. He said in his gruff voice "no, no one here is manly enough." Very funny, and my first introduction that some gay men were not light in the loafers.
     
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  13. *Nikki*

    *Nikki* Slightly Tilted

    Location:
    Stateside
    I'm pan. Attracted to people, not what genitals they have. That being said I am extremely attracted to androgenous people. The ones that can pull off either sex. There is something so seductive about that.

    Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
     
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  14. Herculite

    Herculite Very Tilted

    I can find a mans body aesthetically pleasing, as in I can look at a well toned and proportioned body as a beautiful body, and its what I've spend a good deal of time an energy working for myself, but there is no sexual attraction to it. Its more like saying its a beautiful dog or a pretty sun set. I've never been with the same sex and never will of my own free will, as it does literally nothing for me. I have been on the internet long enough to have accidentally run into gay porn a few times and its always a instant click off, no thank you.

    In my frat days, there was a guy who used to say "its all the same when the lights were out" and he was probably bi, but I still remember it because I felt so viscerally against the idea. I'd rather be celibate than have a man blow me even in a dark room, even if "no one would ever know". I wasn't raised particularly "straight" and with my lifestyle I obviously don't care what society thinks about my sexual activities, I have in fact joined in when my wife was having sex with another man, just not with the other man (MFM as compared to MMF for those playing at home). Hell my wife is bi and I'm very happy about that and I'm not the least bit homophobic. Its just something in my brain that says "men are friends not food" er wrong voice, I mean, "don't have sex with men, its gross".

    I'm slightly jealous of people who are bi, it doubles (or more) their chances, probably more than doubles with males.
     
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  15. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    @Herculite : After my gay friend told me he was homosexual instead of referencing to girls i started referencing to guys (i had no real idea witch man looked hot or not). When driving or in pubic places i often said to him "hey check you 10 (o'clock)". After 5 years think i finally started to know his tastes. At first, after searching in the crowd, he often repled "dude, that is just a 6 (out of 10)" :confused:. But back then, he really help me dress better to attract women. Clothing i would think would never work were effective. After noticing the positive results, i would never go shopping for clothing without him. I have it made! My friend did the shopping back then and now it's my wife!:D
     
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  16. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    gay people often have the best wardrobes
     
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  17. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    I've only been attracted to women, but I have no problem seeing that a man is attractive. I've been flirted with at the gym by men. When I was younger I took it personally. Never told them to eff off or anything, but rebuffed. As I grew older, I figured it was a compliment, and even if I didn't want to go to the party, it's nice to be invited.

    Wife says she's been attracted to women all her life. Whatever works
     
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  18. Herculite

    Herculite Very Tilted

    I really really could have used a "Queer Eye for Herculite the Guy" when I was in school and beyond. I don't think I realized how little fashion sense I had until I was closer to 35.
     
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  19. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Reading through my recently surfaced "teen diary" has given me a chance to review my carnal chronology. What I wrote then is sometimes different from what I remembered years down the road. I think I maybe used to be more bi-curious than I am now. Not sure exactly why that would be, except that my hetero sex life is so good and fulfilling. Like a good lawn turf chokes out weeds, my active and satisfying hetero sex has grown over most of my bi thoughts and fantasies. Not that I don't have the occasional fantasy, but it's almost always straight, hetero sex.

    Like @*Nikki* I can find attractive and interesting, a person of either (any) gender. But when it comes down to wanting to get hot, bothered, naked, and sweaty, I want a man, I want cock. From the first time I got my hands on one at age fourteen, and my first vaginal sex with Tommy Andersen on my fifteenth birthday, I've been fascinated with cocks of different shapes, sizes, and how they respond. I've had some curious times, but what I've always craved has been hetero sex with all its obvious (and a few subtle) variants.

    My current partner ( over five years) and I fit well (heh heh) and through practice and communication sex keeps getting better. My sex drive is strong and Sig gives it to me almost any time I want it. I do the same for him. Life is good for a couple of middle-aged fuckers like us.
     
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  20. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Diddo
     
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