A pilot gets on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and says to the passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight sevn-eight-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."
He forgets to turn his microphone off, and turns to his co-pilot, yawns, and says, "Why don't you take over for awhile? I'm going to take me a big, healthy shit, and then I'm gonna go fuck the brains out of that pretty blonde flight attendant working back in coach."
His announcement goes out over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant back in coach hears it and exclaims, "Oh my God!" and starts running toward the cockpit .
An old lady sitting in one of the aisle seats stops her and says, "Relax honey. He said he's gotta take a shit first."
- courtesy of Drew Carey's book "Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined" - not a bad read, if you like that sort of thing