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alto92 · 08-19-2004, 08:30 AM

Hey guys and gals - wondering if you can help me out with something...

Almost a year ago I got into a relationship with this girl. She was in an abusive relationship when I met her and she pulled herself out, but I think I provided the impetus. Just for background's sake she was 18 and starting college, I was 21 and just finishing - we're both a year older now. From the beginning it was pretty clear that she was more into me than I was into her. I really liked her, though, and the relationship continued. We had problems off and on, but pretty consistently. One of my problems is that I tend to pick on myself a whole lot, and thus tend to pick on other people - a result, I think, of my mother hen-pecking me from an early age.

Over time I think I came to take her devotion for granted, and instead I focused on the things she was lacking. I am pretty political, I am into religion at large (though I'm Catholic, myself), I'm a trained musician, and she is more or less none of those things. I see myself as sort of part of a counter-culture - I scrutinize everything - and she is very much a pop-culture girl, though not to imply that she is shallow. Her and I have basic misunderstandings that stem from our world view, she grew up in a Jehovah's Witness family, though she isn't really one herself.

Now, we're broken up or put on hold or something and I don't know what to do. Her devotion and sincere love for me has driven her to do some amazing things for me. She talked to a therapist about some probs I had been having, read up on the hyper-critical problem I have, provided opportunities to help me fix those probs, she's put up with all my shit for 10 months, etc... So my query is just that - which is worth more? I have had no other girl (I've been in 3 serious relationships other than this one, all over a year - one for over 2) show me the same love as her, but the disconnect between our interests bothers me - our minds don't meet to agree or disagree on issues I, and the world, deem important. To her credit, she has slowly taken up the religion issue for herself, though I worry I was the motivation (which is probably the wrong reason to search). She has listened to me babble on and on about music, asking questions, trying to learn along the way. Even so, it still doesn't seem like enough to stimulate an intellectual exchange, though I don't know if that's just me being fucked up and too critical.

So, with all that info, what do you think I should do? Break up and move on? Cherish the one girl who will come to my side at the drop of a hat? I need help!!

Thanks a lot -
alto

p.s. if you have q's post them, I'll check up frequently....

08-19-2004, 08:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
alto92 Upright	a complicated situation... Hey guys and gals - wondering if you can help me out with something... Almost a year ago I got into a relationship with this girl. She was in an abusive relationship when I met her and she pulled herself out, but I think I provided the impetus. Just for background's sake she was 18 and starting college, I was 21 and just finishing - we're both a year older now. From the beginning it was pretty clear that she was more into me than I was into her. I really liked her, though, and the relationship continued. We had problems off and on, but pretty consistently. One of my problems is that I tend to pick on myself a whole lot, and thus tend to pick on other people - a result, I think, of my mother hen-pecking me from an early age. Over time I think I came to take her devotion for granted, and instead I focused on the things she was lacking. I am pretty political, I am into religion at large (though I'm Catholic, myself), I'm a trained musician, and she is more or less none of those things. I see myself as sort of part of a counter-culture - I scrutinize everything - and she is very much a pop-culture girl, though not to imply that she is shallow. Her and I have basic misunderstandings that stem from our world view, she grew up in a Jehovah's Witness family, though she isn't really one herself. Now, we're broken up or put on hold or something and I don't know what to do. Her devotion and sincere love for me has driven her to do some amazing things for me. She talked to a therapist about some probs I had been having, read up on the hyper-critical problem I have, provided opportunities to help me fix those probs, she's put up with all my shit for 10 months, etc... So my query is just that - which is worth more? I have had no other girl (I've been in 3 serious relationships other than this one, all over a year - one for over 2) show me the same love as her, but the disconnect between our interests bothers me - our minds don't meet to agree or disagree on issues I, and the world, deem important. To her credit, she has slowly taken up the religion issue for herself, though I worry I was the motivation (which is probably the wrong reason to search). She has listened to me babble on and on about music, asking questions, trying to learn along the way. Even so, it still doesn't seem like enough to stimulate an intellectual exchange, though I don't know if that's just me being fucked up and too critical. So, with all that info, what do you think I should do? Break up and move on? Cherish the one girl who will come to my side at the drop of a hat? I need help!! Thanks a lot - alto p.s. if you have q's post them, I'll check up frequently....