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Sounds like she's not willing to meet your terms: a real opportunity to communicate. parties are not the best place to communicate, particularly when she's the host.
Make it clear that you want a private lunch where you can communicate, not a party.
I never find it rude when someone is reluctant to share their address. In this case, it's possible she might use the address to stalk you. Don't give it.
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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq
"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
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