well, I think it's multi-faceted.
1. I have learned from repetition how to position myself so that I am getting either inner or outer clitoral stimulation while having intercourse. For instance, no one has mentioned having orgasms during intercourse while they are positioned on top. Used to be for me, this was the
only position I could achieve orgasm in (regularly) during intercourse because I was in control of the thrusting. So all I've done is apply that same mindset to intercourse in other positions and I take an active role in achieving my own orgasm.
2. Fantasizing while having intercourse used to be very helpful in increasing arousal (therefore, sensitivity), but I've found that I don't really need that any longer.
3. I'm in a relationship now in which my partner really pushes all of my buttons mentally which makes it very easy for me to get off. I'm usually halfway there by the time he's even got his pants off, lol. But it's taken me all of my adult life to find him.
I would say it's been about 15 years that I have been training my mind and body (and I literally think of it as training) to achieve orgasm during intercourse and it is only in the last 2+ years that it has paid off consistently...and bountifully.
But it's worth it. There is no more intense orgasm than one achieved during intercourse, in my opinion. Well, except perhaps for orgasm achieved during anal sex...but that's another topic.
Oh, and of course, masturbation during intercourse can be very helpful, too, and most guys find that kind of hot.
