little_tippler

I'm a little paranoid about my weight since at 17 I had to take cortizone for a time and it totally changed my body. Everyone now says I'm still really thin, but I used to be like a rake, and liked it. I used to be able to eat anything and not gain an ounce. Now I have to watch what I eat...not a lot, but enough that it bothers me. I also have a huge appetite...though in the past few years I have learned to control it, and can't eat as much as I could before - which is a good thing.

It doesn't help that some of my closest friends are thinner than me and very attractive. I just want to fit in! Heh.

I get a little paranoid sometimes. It's not that I'm worried what other people think. But to feel good about myself, I'd definitely lose a few more pounds around my middle. Then I'd be happy - I know so because last summer I was a few pounds thinner and I felt pretty awesome.

I hate gyms but have tried on and off to stick with that. Now I work out at home and go surfing instead. Treadmills are so boring. Surfing is an excellent full body workout...I always come out of the water beat. I'm sure if I could do it more often I'd be a lot more toned pretty fast. As it is, I'll settle for not looking half bad with my clothes on.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918