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aa1037 · 06-28-2010, 07:51 PM

Hey tfp,

I've been seeing my gf for over 4 years now, and everything is mostly great. One is bothering me recently, though, and I seek your great wisdom

She won't let me buy her anything. I'm doing better financially than she is, and once in a while, I'll offer to get something for her when she feels she can't afford it. Note that I don't do this all the time (I know better by now), but I can't even gift her a shirt or piece of cheap jewelry.

She says she doesn't want people buying her stuff that she could've bought herself, even though she didn't due to money.

I tell her that I understand and respect how she feels, but it also hurts me not to be able to offer anything to her. She'd rather have me go with my friends on a trip than have me pay for her plane ticket to come along.

I'm really perplexed, and it is actually hurtful sometimes. I'm in a position in my life where I enjoy giving back to people - my parents, my work, my community, whatever - but I can't seem to give anything to her.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

---------- Post added at 11:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:46 PM ----------

I will add that she feels the burden of many things (mostly family) that she feels so obligated to that she won't do nice things for herself or let me do nice things for her.

It's as if everything in her life needs to be paid back before anything else.

06-28-2010, 07:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
aa1037 Insane Location: New York	Girl won't let me get her anything Hey tfp, I've been seeing my gf for over 4 years now, and everything is mostly great. One is bothering me recently, though, and I seek your great wisdom She won't let me buy her anything. I'm doing better financially than she is, and once in a while, I'll offer to get something for her when she feels she can't afford it. Note that I don't do this all the time (I know better by now), but I can't even gift her a shirt or piece of cheap jewelry. She says she doesn't want people buying her stuff that she could've bought herself, even though she didn't due to money. I tell her that I understand and respect how she feels, but it also hurts me not to be able to offer anything to her. She'd rather have me go with my friends on a trip than have me pay for her plane ticket to come along. I'm really perplexed, and it is actually hurtful sometimes. I'm in a position in my life where I enjoy giving back to people - my parents, my work, my community, whatever - but I can't seem to give anything to her. Any thoughts? Thanks ---------- Post added at 11:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:46 PM ---------- I will add that she feels the burden of many things (mostly family) that she feels so obligated to that she won't do nice things for herself or let me do nice things for her. It's as if everything in her life needs to be paid back before anything else. Last edited by aa1037; 06-28-2010 at 08:25 PM..