My name is Two Gun Pierre
I wear rose buds in my hair
And a chic-chic pink bandanna round my neck
I came down from Tennessee
With a cowboy on my knee
And a pair of leather chaps around my legs ... hold on boys!
I was down in Cripple Creek
I was dying for a leak
So I dropped my pants behind a cactus there
When I fastened up my belt
I can't tell ya how I felt
But I knew the meaning of a prickly pear ... ouch!!
Oh I've got a cactus in my y-fronts and a vulture round my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss and I wish that I were dead
I've a jockstrap made of leather and pants of PVC (ee - ee - ee - ee - ee - ee)
The cactus in my y-fronts make a loser out of me!
In Californ - i - a
Where the rustlers are so gay
I bought a gentle gee-gee name of Jacques
But he livened up a lot
When he felt my prickly spot
And that buckin' bronco broke my buckin' back!
So I walked up to Nevada
Where the gals try so much harder
And I met a beefy belle called Caroline
But when she felt my prickles
She cried "Oh Lord, that tickles!"
And now she's run off with a porcupine
Oh I've got a cactus in my y-fronts and a vulture round my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss and I wish that I were dead
Do you like my high heeled horseshoes, I got them from Paree (ee - ee - ee - ee - ee - ee)
The cactus in my y-fronts make a loser out of me!
Alright horsey, hoof me a chorus
[tapping and neighing sounds]
Oh what a great hoof!
It's the yodelling coyote
[howling sounds]
Oh I've got a cactus in my y-fronts and a vulture round my head
I've just been kissed by a Tennessee miss and I wish that I were dead
I've got sequins on my saddle and I smell like a jasmine tree (ee - ee - ee - ee - ee - ee)
The cactus in my y-fronts make a loser out of me!