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uncle phil · 07-31-2003, 03:19 AM

The FDA has decided to place new improved warning labels on beer. Here are some they are thinking about:

14. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named BUBBA.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

07-31-2003, 03:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Beer Play The FDA has decided to place new improved warning labels on beer. Here are some they are thinking about: 14. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. 11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. 9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. 8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. 7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). 6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. 5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named BUBBA. 4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.