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Re: I need to gain 10 lbs. or more in a little less than a month.
Attempting to gain or lose weight quickly is probably a bad idea. That being said...
Dr. Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously
underweighted individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.
Homer: [pensive] Of course.
Nick: [points to a chart] You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group and the chocotastic!
Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor?
Nick: Well...be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use poptarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon, heh...
Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
Dr. Nick: Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too? And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it
against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain.
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