Yalaynia

I had thought about suicide. I felt that being with my now ex I had nothing going for me. I didnt feel that I was worth anything after him telling me this over and over again. I was told atleast a couple times a week that I was stupid, useless, worthless, I wasnt a good mother, and everything we did/didnt do was my fault because of the way I looked. He told me he was embarassed to be seen with me and because of that he would always walk a few feet ahead when we did go out. He also told me that I couldnt do any better then him and that he treated me like a goddess.
Several reason changed me though. The first being that I started talking to my now fiance. He made me realize that had a lot to live for, my son, my family and now him. The second thing that changed me was seeing what happened when I was still with my ex. His brother committed suicide in the backyard of the house we used to live in. We were woke up by my ex's mother screaming that her son was in the tree. We went running out at 6am to see him hanging there dead. Course my ex was the one that had to hold him up while cut him down we tried to revive him even though my ex and I knew it was to late we tried just to help his mom to cope til the police showed up. Two and a half years ago he killed himself on his sons birthday and his son was still in the house at the time. He felt so low about himself and that no one cared about him that if he killed himself on his own sons birthday it would be a way for everyone to remember him.
When you see something like that and not only have it be the 3rd person that you knew committe suicide. You realize how much you do have to live for. I wasnt a chicken because I couldnt bring myself to committe suicide. I was a chicken for thinking that there was no other way to stop the pain and hurt that I was going through other then to kill myself.

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I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do