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FuglyStick 08-17-2010 02:41 PM

The Beloit College mindset list for 2014
 
Quote:

The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2014

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.
For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.

3. “Go West, Young College Grad” has always implied “and don’t stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way.”

4. Al Gore has always been animated.

5. Los Angelenos have always been trying to get along.

6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.

7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves “real” aliens from another planet.

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection.

18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.

21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.

22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.

23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.

24. “Cop Killer” by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording.

25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks.

26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.

30. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows.

31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

34. “Assisted Living” has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always been an alternative to hospitals.

35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.

36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.

37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an “Annus Horribilis.”

38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.

41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.

42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.

43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.

45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.

48. Someone has always gotten married in space.

49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.

51. Food has always been irradiated.

52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he?

54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.

55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

56. They may have assumed that parents’ complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.

57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife.

58. Beethoven has always been a dog.

59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola’s new Tab Clear, it was gone.

60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.

61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies’ withholding tax, or else.

62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine.

63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.

65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.

66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.

67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court.

68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.

69. The Post Office has always been going broke.

70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.

71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

72. One way or another, “It’s the economy, stupid” and always has been.

73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.

74. They’ve always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi Channel.

75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis.
Beloit College Mindset List

Basically, a list of nonsense that's only purpose is to put an unknown school on the map.

A piece from Vanity Fair to put it into perspective--
Quote:

Once again, Beloit College has taken it upon itself to make old people feel old and young people feel stupid. Every year, the Wisconsin college reminds the world of its existence by releasing an annoying document called the “Mindset List,” a compendium of cultural items to which professors shouldn’t make reference, because they aren’t relevant to today’s iPhone-toting, Frappucino-slurping college freshmen. Here are some of this year’s most controversial entries.

• Few in the class know how to write in cursive. Presumably, this is because today’s college freshmen took their third-grade classes in fancy space pods, where they learned HTML instead of cursive and their class project was teaching a robot how to love.

• Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail. The class of 2014, you see, sends messages to each other exclusively through microchips implanted into their forearms! They also can’t pronounce the word “envelope,” and if you even try to show them a sheet of stamps, they’ll punch you right in the face.

• Beethoven has always been a dog. Freshmen have never heard of classical music, which they did away with in 2007 in order to make more room for their Lady Googaw or whatever her name is. They’ve also disposed of art and history, which brings us to:

• They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus. “What a strange name,” the youngsters thought to themselves when the virus emerged. “I wonder if it’s based on something?” Then they remembered the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is the way that everyone under the age of 30 actually first heard the name Michelangelo, and were satisfied with that explanation. And far away, in some kind of place called France, a little museum called the Louvre quietly shut down for business, because nobody wanted to come look at the—what do you call it again?—ah yes, “art.”

• With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities. This one just legitimately doesn’t make temporal sense. Harder than what?

Linda Holmes at NPR rightly points out that not that much changes from year to year on the Mindset List, which started in 1998. Personally, the list primarily makes us feel old because its release reminds us that another year has passed. It seems like only yesterday that we were learning all about how current college sophomores have never known the meaning of R.S.V.P. Sunrise, sunset…
Oh God, The “Mindset List” Is Out Again | VF Daily | Vanity Fair

Lindy 08-17-2010 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuglyStick (Post 2815357)

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrusís folks on Parentsí Weekend.

2001:A Space Odyssey -the film co-starring HAL- was released in 1968. More likely that the 42 year old HAL would be a professor, not a classmate.
If you follow Arthur C. Clarke's timeline in the novel, (not the movie) HAL was activated in 1997, and would be a very young freshman.

Lindy

uncle phil 08-17-2010 04:05 PM

isn't life grand...

and aren't we glad we'll be gone before these people make an impact...

LordEden 08-17-2010 04:16 PM

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Man I feel old.

Baraka_Guru 08-17-2010 04:27 PM

Never look back, just move ahead.

Pearl Trade 08-17-2010 04:42 PM

Why would any self-respecting, prospective college student go to this school? Or is that the point of this, to challenge you to prove them wrong?

I wouldn't even apply to get in.


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