Films from Australia.....

"This car is as reconditioned as my asshole" The Big Steal
"Tell him he is dreaming" The Castle

"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate."

Dark Helmet, "Spaceballs"

"I swear if you guys pick on me 13 or 14 more times I'm gonna leave..." or something like that- BaseketBall

I offered you help. You refused to take our money. Then I said "I guess you're really up shit creek."
-------- The Blues Brothers

Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers.
-------- Bull Durham

I wasn't gonna fool around out here because I got these three girls I'm engaged to back home.
-------- Mash

Attention. Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed "some kind of beef."
-------- Meatballs

So many quotes...so little time.

I can't believe that no one mentioned a single quote from fight club. Its filled with all kinds of good quotes.

"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."

"You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

"Losing all hope is freedom."

does my garage have a sign on it that says dead nigger storage?

"Hey, uh...what's that on your face?"

(Dumps shovel full of dirt on evil Ash's face).

- Ash, Army of Darkness.

"It's all in the reflexes."

-Jack Burton, "Big Trouble in Little China"

"woh Woh Woh... now your shooting at your imaginary friend in front of FOUR HUNDRED GALLONS OF NITRO GLYSEREN"

--Tyler Durden, Fight club

Chris: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know.
Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.
- Real Genius

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- Animal House

Ellwood: "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearin' sunglasses."

Jake: "Hit it."



Happy Gilmore to Bob Barker during fight: "The price is wrong, BITCH!!"


And a batch from Kevin Smith Movies:

Jay: "What the fuck is the internet?"

Holden: "The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another. "



Dante Hicks: "My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!"
Customer: "In a row? "



Brodie: "Cookie stand's not part of the food court."
T.S. Quint: "Sure it is."
Brodie: "The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs it's not like we're talking quantum physics here!"
T.S. Quint: "The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court."
Brodie: "Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking."

The Last Boy Scout has some of the best quotes ever.

Joe Hallenbeck: This ain't no game, flash. Real guns, real bullets. It's dangerous.
Jimmy Dix: Danger's my middle name.
Joe Hallenbeck: Mine's Cornelius. You tell anybody, I'll kill you.

Joe Hallenbeck: You don't think the cops can help you?
Cory: Sure, after I'm dead they'll perform the autopsy.

Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.
Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife.
Alley Thug: Oh you did, huh? Well how'd you know it was my wife?
Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool but now you've got to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife, I'll take two.

Milo: You think you are so fucking cool, don't you? You think you are so fucking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain...
Joe Hallenbeck: Play some rap music.

Jake: Shut up, fuckface.
Joe Hallenbeck: I'm fuckface, he's asshole.
Scrabble Man: Jake, advise Rodney Dangerfield here of the situation. Perhaps we can dispense with the fun and games now, yes?
Joe Hallenbeck: You want the envelope, right?
Scrabble Man: The envelope, very smart. See Jake, here is a man who knows when a situation is untennable.
Joe Hallenbeck: Good word.
Scrabble Man: You like that word? And you do have that envelope, don't you?
Joe Hallenbeck: Better give up, Jimmy. We're dealin' with a couple of geniuses here.
Jimmy Dix: Hey man, just leave him the fuck alone!
Scrabble Man: Leave him alone? We do whatever you say. Jake here attacks his job with a certain exuberance.
Jimmy Dix: Shit, we're being beat up by the inventor of Scrabble.

Jimmy Dix: Maybe I could take your daughter horseback riding. How old is she?
Joe Hallenbeck: She's 13, and if you even look at her funny I'm gonna shove an umbrella up your ass and open it.

Joe Hallenbeck: Where are you goin'?
Jimmy Dix: To the bathroom, okay? You wanna come? The doc said I shouldn't lift anything heavy.

Joe Hallenbeck: This is the nineties. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first. Like if you hit a guy with a sufboard, you might say, "Surf's up, pal!"

-Mikey

The two greatest ones of all time...

"You wanna talk to God? Let's go see him together. I've got nothin' better to do."--Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark

"Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curveball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional ammendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than on Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three nights."--Crash Davis in Bull Durham

"I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture and ...............kill them." - Joker (Full Metal Jacket)

"If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral...and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordal instincts to kill without feeling...without passion...without judgement ... without judgement. Because it's judgement that defeats us. " - Col. Kurtz (Apocalypse Now)

"Say Hello to my little friend!" - Tony Montana (Scarface)

"I have discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch" - Homer Simpson

there are too many to list

you forgot about the last part though,

"...Thats what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf, whats the point of living, if you don't have a dick?"

i also like this line...

"If I need advice on a Planet of The Apes film, or how to clean the resin out of my bong, I'll come to you. But I'm not about to take romantic advice from someone that can't even spell romantic, or advice, or bong."

-out cold.

I just watched Hot Shots 2 again, and one line made the movie so much better.

Miguel Ferrer suddenly turns to the camera, and says:
"War. It's faantastic!" with a great, honest smile.

It still cracks me up when I think about it.

Mine changes a lot also. Currently, it's:

"Sometimes you gotta feed a little speed to your ride" Martin Lawrence in Blue Streak

"It's like being kicked with steel toed kevlar boots being bloodied on a saturday night" Jim Carey Cable guy

The Clerks. A guy goes into the convenient store and a cat jumps onto the counter, the customer says "cute cat, what's his name?" ... and the clerk responds "annoying customer".

"i fever to ask!" - seven samurai subtitle

A person is smart. People are stupid, panicky dangerous animals, and you know it. - K in MIB

big fan of Tarantino dialouge:
Cliff played by Dennis Hopper and Coccotti by Dennis Hopper in True Romance. This movie is full of great one liners, like Brad Pitt, "and some cleaning products"


Cliff: Now, wait a minute and listen. I haven't seen Clarence in three years. Yesterday he shows up here with a girl, sayin' he got married. He told me he needed some quick cash for a honeymoon, so he asked if he could borrow five hundred dollars. I wanted to help him out so I wrote out a check. We went to breakfast and that's the last I saw of him. So help me God. They never thought to tell me where they were goin'. And I never thought to ask.

Coccotti: Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm a Sicilian. And my old man was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. And from growin' up with him I learned the pantomime. Now there are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give him away. A guy has seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen. And if you know 'em like ya know your own face, they beat lie detectors to hell. What we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothin'. But you're tellin' me everything. Now I know you know where they are. So tell me, before I do some damage you won't walk away from.

Cliff: Could I have one of those Chesterfields now?

Coccotti: Sure.

Cliff: Got a match? Oh, don't bother. I got one. So you're a Sicilian, huh?

Coccotti: Uh-huh.

Cliff: You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I find that shit fascinating. In fact, I don't know if you know this or not, Sicilians were spawned by niggers.

Coccotti: Come again?

Cliff: It's a fact. Sicilians have nigger blood pumpin' through their hearts. If you don't believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are niggers. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with the Sicilian women, they changed the blood-line for ever, from blond hair and blue eyes to black hair and dark skin. I find it absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. I'm just quotin' history. It's a fact. It's written. Your ancestors were niggers. Your great, great, great, great, great-grandmother was fucked by a nigger, and had a half-nigger kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin'?

Another scene... Pulp Fiction:

Butch: You ok?

Marcellus: No man, i'm pretty fuckin' far from ok.

Butch (looks around short scream from man in corner who got shot in the balls): What now?

Marcellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. Ima call a couple o' hard pipe hittin niggas to go to work on the homes here, with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. (To guy in corner) YOU HEAR ME TALKIN HILLBILLY BOY! I AIN'T THROUGH WITH YOU BY A DAMN SIGHT, I'M GET MEDIVAL ON YOUR ASS.

Butch: I meant what now between me and you.

Marcellus: Oh that what now. I'll tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you.

and on and on its one of the best scenes in a movie that is filled with great scenes.


And as for line:

Reservoir Dogs: Mr. Pink? What the FUCK why do I get Mr. Pink?

From Ocean's Eleven: (or any other one liner in the movie)
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.

From The Pentagon Wars:
Major General Partridge: Just because the tests didn't turn out the way Colonel Burton thought they would, was no reason to suspect there was anything devious going on.
Madame Chairwoman: General, filling the fuel tanks with WATER in a test designed to check the combustibility of the vehicle, that wasn't devious?
Major General Partridge: If the tanks had been filled with fuel, there's a good chance the vehicle would have exploded.
Congressman: I thought that was the point.
Major General Partridge: If the vehicle had exploded, we wouldn't be able to run any more tests!

And from Spaceballs:
Princess Vespa: My hair, he shot my hair. Son of a bitch!

"I neva fucked anybody over in my life, who didn't have it comin' to 'im, you got that? All I have in this world is my balls, and my word, and I don't break 'em for no one, jou understand?"

SCARFACE

"Fuck Lando Calrissian!"

Kevin Smith movies are great for quotes.

"Go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here" - Melvin (Jack) in As Good as it Gets.

"I'll give you a whole god damn fruit salad... their are Frigidaires falling from the sky" John Malcovich - Emprie of the Sun.

Speaking of empire of the sun.... that has to be one of the most underrated movies ever put out. Watch it again, Christian Bale just nailed the role in that movie.

From Galaxy Quest:

Gwen DeMarco: What is this thing? I mean there's no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of choppy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!

Jason Nesmith: Relax, Gwen.

Gwen DeMarco: No! I mean we shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is this here?!

Jason Nesmith: Because it's on the television show!

Gwen DeMarco: Well, (fuck) it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!

Galaxy Quest yet again:
[The crew is on a shuttle descending to an alien planet.]

Guy Fleegman: I changed my mind. I wanna go back.

Sir Alexander Dane: After the fuss you made about getting left behind?

Guy Fleegman: Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship, and something is up there, and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy who gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.

Jason Nesmith: You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.

Guy Fleegman: I'm not? Then what's my last name?

Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh---I don't know.

Guy Fleegman: Nobody knows! Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.

Gwen DeMarco: Guy, you have a last name.

Guy Fleegman: DO I?! DO I?!?! For all you know, I'm "Crewman Number Six"!

from the count of monte cristo

Dorleac: Come on, come on, I haven't got all day... wait. Actually, I do. I've got...
[laughs]
ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!

Dorleac: Now you're thinking, just now "Why me, O God?". The answer is, God has nothing to do with it. In fact, God is never in France this time of year.

Dorleac: Let's make a bargain. You ask God for help, and I'll stop the moment He shows up.

Luigi: So, mi amici. I would ask you your name, but in view of your clothes, and the fact that the Chateau d'If is only two miles away, what's the point?
Edmond: Why are you here?
Luigi: My men and I have come to this island to bury alive one of our men who decided to keep some stolen gold for himself instead of sharing it with his comrades. Interestingly enough, there are some of his friends who think I should grant him mercy, which of course I cannot do or I would quickly lose control of the whole crew. That's why you are such a fortunate find.
Edmond: How's that?
Luigi: We'll watch you and Jacopo fight to the death. If Jacopo wins, he can stay on the crew. If you win, I'll have been seen to have shown a little mercy to Jacopo, even if he didn't take advantage of it, and you can take his place on the boat.
Edmond: What if I don't want to be a pirate?
Luigi: Then we slit your throat and we're a bit shorthanded.
Edmond: I find that the life of a pirate is the one for me and I would be delighted to kill your friend!

Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.
Edmond: Perhaps you should get out more.

haha, on the topic of galaxy quest:
Is there air? You don't know!

Baby's Day Out (Crappy Movie, Good Line):
I don't know about you, but I don't eat pieces of my body!

Forest Gump:
- Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?
- I didn’t know I was suppose to be looking for him, sir.

Empire Records:
I wonder if I will be held responsible for this.

The Breakfast Club:
So, it's sort of social, demented and sad, but social, right?

"Hey Hal, you gotta check out this terd! It looks just like Clinger from MASH!!" (something like that) - Shallow Hal

"We're gonna need a bigger boat." - Jaws

Anything from Brain Candy.

This list can go on forever.

I have a couple of favorite quotes...

From Bull Durham -

I was in the Show for 21 days, once. It was the greatest 21 days of my life. You never touch your luggage in the show--somebody else handles your bags. It's great. The ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.

Coach: You guys... you lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. Do you know what that makes you? Larry?
Larry: Lollgaggers!
Coach: Lollygaggers.

From The ShawShank Redemption -

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged; their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that know it was a sin does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.

And finally, from Field of Dreams, check out my sig.




:)

"Your the kind of guy who'd fuck his buddy in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!"

Full Metal Jacket

"all this over a fucking tooth?" - darkness falls

Minister: What is he doing?
Q: I think he's attempting re-entry.

Classic from Moonraker.

"shut the fuck up donnie" (repeated several times during the movie)

from the Big Lebowsky

"Dude, I think I just filled the cup" - Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

"I have the horrible feeling that, because I have a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theater, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the _cheap seats,_ not Mount Sinai!"

Orson Welles, "Someone to Love" (Henry Jaglom, 1987). Welles' last movie, and you know he wrote that line.