existential grilled cheese sandwich
 

i wish cookbooks were written more...cooler. i've written different recipes in different styles.

the following is a recipe i wrote for a grilled cheese sandwich...


THE EXISTENTIAL GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH

Get two slices of sourdough bread

Because we make choices based on our experiences, beliefs, and biases, those choices are unique to us — and made without an objective form of truth. There are no “universal” guidelines for most decisions, so if you want to use white or wheat, that is ok as well. Additionally, you can choose to add caramalized onions to this sandwich, which will enhance the flavor, but is not necesarry.

(to caramalize onions, fry them in some olive oil and butter on medium heat until they are soft, sprinkle some sugar on them, continue to cook them to a golden brown, and put aside.)

Now, put some dijon mustard on one and only one slice of bread.

Human choice is subjective, because individuals finally must make their own choices without help from such external standards as laws, ethical rules, or traditions. Because individuals make their own choices, they are free; but because they freely choose, they are completely responsible for their choices.

Excercise your freedom by choosing either some cheddar, muenster, or havarti, or even a bit of all three if you want. Shred the cheese and put it between the slices of bread. Feel the freedom? If you chose, freely, to use caramalized onions, put them on the bread and cover them with the cheese.

Freedom, however, is accompanied by responsibility. Furthermore, since individuals are forced to choose for themselves, they have their freedom — and therefore their responsibility — thrust upon them. They are “condemned to be free.”

You are responsible for heating up a heavy pan, cast iron if you have it.

Responsibility is the dark side of freedom. When individuals realize that they are completely responsible for their decisions, actions, and beliefs, they are overcome by anxiety. Do not let this get to you, relax, and put some olive oil in the pan. If you try to deal with the anxiety by ignoring or denying the situation, you are only decieving yourself, and you will burn the bread or make it stick to the pan.

Individuals must accept full responsibility for their behavior, no matter how difficult. Now, with the oil hot, place the sandwhich onto the pan and hold it down with a metal spatula, for about 60 to 90 seconds. You are responsible for this, but applying pressure should not be too difficult. Flip the sandwich and repeat, applying pressure to the sandwich, again, this should not be too difficult.


If an individual is to live meaningfully and authentically, he or she must become fully aware of the true character of the human situation and bravely accept it. Make sure the cheese is melted, remove from the pan, and accept that your sandwich is tasty. You have the freedom to enjoy this sandwich with any beverage you feel like, but iced tea goes with it quite well.

I can't believe this has been sitting here all day without a comment.

This was hilarious, squeeb. I hope you post more colorful recipes when you get a chance.

I wish someone would make me a grilled cheese sandwich. I think that shows...love.

i love me some grilled cheese...

the mustard is an important ingredient. it is also good with a slice of pear.

good cheese is a must.

Mustard? I've never heard of that on grilled cheese. Interesting...

mmmm...mustard. Never tried it on a grilled cheese, but I will next time!

Charlatan...do you put the pear in the sandwich while cooking??

i'd make you a grilled cheese sandwich...

Exactly! A nice thin slice of pear. Some smoked gouda, some cheddar and maybe just a touch of blue...

It is also essential (to me) that the sandwich we squished thin and grilled to a good crispy finish.

Mustard?!? You heathen you. Sounds like the quickest way to ruin a grilled cheese sandwich to me.

Trust me. It rocks.

That is unless you are one of those mustard-hating philistines...

oh good heavens... this is hilarious.

My mouth is literally watering right now. I am *so* going to try this!

I would allow you to. :)

skogafoss has a grilled cheese almost every day for lunch

it's usually:

fresh mozzarella
fresh tomato
pesto
raisin bread

me i like 'em comfort food style

white bread
american cheese

now see - i'm enough of a pizza addict that I will crisp some peperoni up in the microwave on some paper towel, then butter both sides (lightly ) of 2 pieces of bread, drop one in hot skillet, fry till desired doneness on one side, flip, add the other piece of bread to the pan and while its first side cooks, spoon about a tablespoon or so of pizza sauce on the cooked side of the first piece (i use my own red sauce, but jarred is fine), cover it with shredded mozzarella cheese and a little parmesean, put the nuked peperoni on top of the cheese, put the now finished on one side other piece of bread hot side down on top, so its uncooked side is up, then flip (carefully) the entire sammie , and by the time the last side is done cooking, the cheese is melted and the sauce is heated up.

Damn, all I want to do is eat a grilled cheese sandwich. I got winded reading the thesis.

grilled cheese is good... especially with jalapeños on it!