if this doesnt make you laugh, then seek help
 

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

haha I've read that before and even though I've been depressed all day (shit day, don't ask) it still made me crack up. Thanks for cheering me up :)

Hmm, I do this to people sometimes.

VictimX_27: Hi there!

cheesedog: HEYA!

VictimX_27: What u up 2?

cheesedog: Nice English.

cheesedog: Did you learn that on the short bus?

VictimX_27: Get fucked

cheesedog: I'm just joking relax

VictimX_27:

cheesedog: What's your name?

VictimX_27: Whats yours?

cheesedog: I asked you first.

VictimX_27: I asked you second

cheesedog: Did I time just warp to middle school?

VictimX_27: huh

cheesedog: Never mind. My name is Johnny

cheesedog: Johnny Cheesedog

VictimX_27: Thats not your real name

cheesedog: Why isn't that my real name?

VictimX_27: No one has the name Cheesedog as a last name

cheesedog: Well I do. Whats wrong with it?

VictimX_27: Nothin i suppose

VictimX_27: Is that your real pic in that av?

cheesedog: Yes it is

VictimX_27: Very handsome

cheesedog: Thanks

VictimX_27: You kinda look like eminem

cheesedog: Fuck you.

VictimX_27: HEY! I meant that in a good way

VictimX_27: I think eminem is hot!

cheesedog: Oh. You think I'm hot?

VictimX_27: Yeah

cheesedog: What do you look like?

cheesedog: Do you have a pic?

VictimX_27: I don't show my picture to anyone

cheesedog: Why not?

VictimX_27: Cause I'm ugly

cheesedog: I won't make fun of you

VictimX_27: Its not that. I just don't like my looks

cheesedog: So you have no self-esteem, huh?

cheesedog: Is that what you're saying?

VictimX_27: I just don't think I'm pretty

cheesedog: Let me be the judge of that.

VictimX_27: Nahhh

cheesedog: Then describe yourself.

VictimX_27: Why do u wanna know what I look like?

cheesedog: Because I think you're nice

cheesedog: I want to picture you in my head while I'm talking to
you.

cheesedog:

VictimX_27: I'm very white

cheesedog: Thats cool, my white anti-soul sista'

VictimX_27: LOL

cheesedog: I can dig white chicks too, I guess.

VictimX_27: I'm whiter than most

cheesedog: really?

VictimX_27: I'm an albino

cheesedog: a what?

VictimX_27: u don't know what that is?

cheesedog: I've heard the word before

VictimX_27: I have no pigment in my skin, eyes or hair

VictimX_27: So I'm all white

cheesedog: This is bullshit

VictimX_27: I'm serious!

VictimX_27: You've never seen an albino before?

cheesedog: No. Where do they live? Albinia?

VictimX_27: No, we live all over.

cheesedog: Then how come I've never seen any

VictimX_27: Lucky I suppose

cheesedog: Send me your picture. I wanna know what an albino
looks like.

VictimX_27: I'll send you a picture of one but not me

cheesedog: Ok

VictimX_27: Here u go *PIC*

cheesedog: Whoa. Thats freaky

VictimX_27: See why I don't send my picture out?

cheesedog: there's nothing wrong with it.

cheesedog: It doesn't make you ugly

cheesedog: This chick is kind of hot actually.

VictimX_27: Thank u

cheesedog: No problem

cheesedog: Her, not you. I don't know what you look like.

VictimX_27: Are you gonna be on in 3 hours?

cheesedog: Yes

VictimX_27: I have to go to the mall with my sister

VictimX_27: Will you be here when I get back?

cheesedog: Sure. Then I'll sex you up.

VictimX_27: Gee thanks. LOL

cheesedog: I'm serious

VictimX_27: We'll see.

cheesedog: Yes we will.

VictimX_27: Bye for now!

cheesedog: Make sure you wear some sunscreen.

VictimX_27:



About 3 hours later...



VictimX_27: HEY!

cheesedog: Hello there

VictimX_27: I'm back

cheesedog: Have fun at the mall?

VictimX_27: Yeah. I got some new shoes

cheesedog: Interesting

VictimX_27: Not really. Just shoes

cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now?

VictimX_27: LOL

cheesedog: Is that a yes?

VictimX_27: Could be

VictimX_27:

cheesedog: HOT DAMN!

cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples

cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your..

VictimX_27: WOAH! Slow down cowboy

cheesedog: Why?

VictimX_27: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want

cheesedog: What do you mean?

VictimX_27: You're not going to ignore me later are you?

cheesedog: Of course not.

cheesedog: I like you.

VictimX_27: I don't even know how old you are.

cheesedog: I'm 27. Now....

cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands

cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers

VictimX_27: WAIT!

cheesedog: They get hard again... what?

VictimX_27: Don't you wanna know anything about me first?

VictimX_27: Like what I like?

cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up.

VictimX_27: That didn't sound convincing.

cheesedog: YES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!

VictimX_27: Now u r being a smartass

VictimX_27: Just give me a minute

cheesedog: ok

VictimX_27: I'm back

cheesedog: np

VictimX_27: thank you

cheesedog: So what do you like?

VictimX_27: Ummmm being licked

cheesedog: Where?

VictimX_27: Everywhere

cheesedog: Any place in particular?


VictimX_27: uhhh yeah

cheesedog: tell me

VictimX_27: on my clit

cheesedog: OK!

cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!

VictimX_27: I also like being done from behind

cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh.


cheesedog: Ok. Check this out.

cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building.

cheesedog: No one is around. Its all quiet.

VictimX_27: Uh huh

cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand
across your clit

cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy.

cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage
your pussy

VictimX_27: oooohh mmmm

cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind

cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole

VictimX_27: yessss

cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you.

cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back.

cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs*

VictimX_27:

cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!!

cheesedog: POW!! BZZZZZTTTTTPHTTTTTT!!!

cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap....

VictimX_27: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!

cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked

cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!!

cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun

cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in!

VictimX_27: This isn't funny johnny!

cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT!

cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area**

cheesedog: Slimer is in there too..

VictimX_27: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!

cheesedog: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!

cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your
pigmentless ass.

cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!**

VictimX_27: Never talk to me again!

cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause
its the same color

VictimX_27: FUCK YOUUUU

cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut!

VictimX_27: SHUT UP AND FUCK YOUUUU!!!!!

cheesedog: No wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore!

VictimX_27: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said.

cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit.

cheesedog: But there is already slime on your it!!

cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!!

cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF!

VictimX_27: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**

VictimX_27: USER HAS LOGGED OUT

The part that gets me cracking up is the shit nuggets. Funny stuff.

somebodys got plenty of time on their hands lol !

omg, that second one is hilarious, egon and ray sneak up in the background

ahahaha.

I've seen the first one and the shit nuggets are hysterical, but that second one is gold.

He eats a powder donut. Oh wait, that's your hand.

lol

What's an albino? What kinda shoes did she get?

I actually feel bad for the albino girl... fucking hiliarious with a tinge of guilt