Air Force squawks
 

This has been around a while, but I have yet to see it here. My favorite is the seeping prop fluid.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are
problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

I just love this one!

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

I like this one because it harkens to 20 years of telling my father his glasses were on his head

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

And this harkens back to my days in welding supply. Customer calls up furious because his new welder wont work.
Me: Is it plugged in?
Customer: Oh.

Thats good stuff.

Smart Ass mechanics

I like those! These two are my favorites.

They don't call it the Chair Force for nothing.

Saw this as a thing about Q(u?)antas airlines.
It went on longer, there was one that went something like:
Problem: Flight controls need attitude adjustment.
Solution: Flight controls told to straighten up and act better, if they know what's good for them.
:)

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

The mantra of every Technical Support Department worldwide.

all of them great, thanks for the laugh