36 Questions To Fall In Love

I read this author's disaster of a dating life article ( 'This is small talk purgatory': what Tinder taught me about love ), and the only thing I learned was in the last paragraph.

Basically that in the modern dating world (and my life of not asking uncomfortable, risky, or personal questions), a lot of men are fearful of being too forward if they have good jobs or social status now. Especially when your name can go international for jumping ahead in what personal questions you ask or actions you take without consent but with interesting spontaneity that the partner desires but didn't verbally agree to. But that is a whole other thread topic that I would be interested in hearing what experiences people have had in the past in their relationships.

However, I think things have changed in corporate culture in the past few decades. Relationships in the workplace, or even friendships outside of work have gone away. And I worry that this has spread over to friendships and dating. What the first article says are the small talk, safe questions are no different from talking to a AI bot now. And that is safe for corporate jobs and acquaintances, but leads to boring relationships that don't go anywhere.

This study and list have been around for a while, but would there be any new questions that aren't on the list that you would want to add? Which questions below do you know about your partner? I think they are missing some questions about relationship personality and expectations. An interesting question would be "what about me would you change?"

Want to Fall in Love With Your Partner Again? Science Says to Ask Them These 36 Questions

So when people say "communication" is the most important part of a relationship, is coming up with good and interesting answers and asking these types of questions what they mean?

[Here are the 36 questions]

Set 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _____."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share _____."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

 

I agree that doing stuff together is important, but I tend to only ask safe questions that I already know the answer to a lot of times when I am with other people. I don't think I have ever asked anyone questions that are from the list above or anything like them.

 

I can't remember when exactly I came up with this list of questions, but it was inspired by those personality quizzes that were popular back in the day, with a deeper, more personal approach. There's some overlap between mine and the 36 featured in the original post above. Mine are kind of all over the place in terms of subject flow, but I've never bothered to try to re-order them in a sequence that might "make more sense," since I don't think it really matters.

Admittedly, these questions did end up as an unintentional but effective vetting tool of sorts for two relationships. To be fair, they were shared with said prospective partners in an email message, as opposed to open conversation. I'd probably share them again with a future prospective partner if/when given the chance.

Also, I think this is the first time I've ever actually counted all of them... 67 intimate, probing questions is a lot to have thrown at you all at once. I'm surprised—and glad—the list's two prior victims weren't scared away by them, and they both answered every single one.

Describe, in your own words, beauty.

Describe, in your own words, the difference between loving and being in love.

Do you believe coincidences have meaning?

Do you ever plan to have children? If so, how many?

Do you fear death?

Do you fear life?

Do you fear pain?

Has music ever scared you? If so, what was it?

Have you ever genuinely hated anyone?

Have you ever had surgery? If so, what kind?

Have you ever seen a tornado? Would you ever chase one?

How bad (or good) is your eyesight?

How do you think the world will end?

How important are memories to you?

How loud can you scream?

What are some dramatic, life-altering events you have experienced or witnessed? (Originally written as "How many dramatic, life-altering events have you experienced or witnessed?" but was reworked to account for added detail/specifics)

How many languages do you wish you knew (and which ones)?

How soon will you get your next body modification and what will it be?

How would you captivate an audience?

If given the choice, how would you want to die?

If given the choice, which of your senses would you lose first?

If you could learn a trade or skill, what would it be?

If you could wake up as someone else tomorrow, who would you be?

Name one song (or more) that makes you cry, and why.

Name something you take seriously that other people might not (and vice versa).

Pick your poison.

To whom have you lied?

What article of clothing could you do without for the rest of your life?

What do you like most about yourself?

What do you like least about yourself?

What do you wish you had been named?

What have you gotten rid of that you now wish you had kept?

What have you saved that you wish you had gotten rid of?

What is the best live performance you have ever seen?

What is the most meaningful word you have ever heard?

What is the most serious crime you would be willing & able to commit?

What is the scariest movie you have ever seen?

What is your best-kept secret?

What is your experience, if any, with illegal substances?

What is your favorite:

Mode of transportation?

Name, male and/or female?

Planetary body?

Season?

Type of writing instrument?

Smell?

Sound?

Taste?

Texture or sensation?​

What is your fondest memory?

What is your greatest fear?

What is your oddest or quirkiest talent?

What is your strongest-held belief?

What makes you nostalgic?

What makes you strong?

What makes you vulnerable?

What place have you been to that you never want to return to again?

What religion, if any, were you raised in?

What would you put on a vanity license plate?

What would you teach to someone else?

What would you want to be remembered for?

Where must you go before you die?

Who are “your people”?

Who, if anyone, has broken your heart?

Who, if anyone, has mended it?

Who is the most important person in your life?

Why are we here?

Why are you here?