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are girls picky/shallow?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by bbcobra, Sep 13, 2011.

  1. bbcobra

    bbcobra New Member

    is it just me or the girls out there are immature/shallow/picky about deaf/hard of hearing guys? The reason I said this because I have tried a couple of dating site and in the public and never get any responses back. I am hard of hearing which means I wear hearing aids to help me hear better. I do not or never used American Sign language. I think I speak well for a hard of hearing person and do think that Im a good looking guy. what you guys think? Im pretty open mind and can handle whatever you guys say.
     
  2. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    People are shallow and picky, especially when they are in the beginning stages of looking for a relationship.

    I'll repeat what I said to you elsewhere when this was discussed outside of TFP. Work to expand your social skills in general. Say hello to people when it's appropriate and start light conversation. Talk to the person next to you on the bus, airplane, in line at the store, browsing the bookstore, at work, etc. Get in the habit of being sociable and making conversation, not just in situations where you may be looking for a date, but all the time. It's amazing how quickly we can improve our social skills, and our odds of finding friends and/or partners, if we work at it. :)

    Best wishes man.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    I think people, not just women, tend to be a little shallow about things like "disabilities" or "differently-abled people" or whatever PC way you want to say it.

    The brother of an old girlfriend is completely deaf. He's a sharp looking dude that clearly compensates for his hearing aid by hitting the gym, Patrick Bateman-style.

    Chicks dig scars... but don't usually dig guys that show up with two below-the-knee prosthesis courtesy of a desert vacation. People are superficial like that.

    I think it' easier to be disabled as a man than it is as a woman. Women are of no value to society without their complete, perfect body, right? It's sad.

    So... uh... just be glad you're not a woman missing limbs.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2013
  4. Zen

    Zen Very Tilted

    Location:
    London
    For some people, 'hard of hearing' will be a dealbreaker, no matter what other qualities a potential partner has.
    Those are not the people you would be happy with.

    'Is it just you?' I believe there is always something we can do to present ourselves better. In the short term, please copy and paste some of the self-descriptions you wrote for the dating sites. There could be some easy ways of improving those. In the longer term, well, welcome to this forum and let's get to know you. Get involved in discussions and posting in threads. Then, in a few weeks time, I bet I'll have different, and better ideas than I have now.

    Pleased to meet you, bbcobra, and good wishes
     
  5. bbcobra

    bbcobra New Member

    hey Zen here is some of description
    Well what do you want to know? I'm Brian and I was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. I'm an gentleman, easy going, chill, athletic and love to laugh.Also I am old fashioned. I love playing sport, mostly basketball, working out and surfing in Cali atleast 5 times a year. I am Hard of Hearing, so I have some hearing loss in my ears, wear hearing aids, but that does not stop me from doing anything I want to do. I am graduating from college for a bachelor's degree in Business Administration from NAU extended campus this fall! After that, I would like to find a job that involved with stock market. I am close with my family. I believe in morals and values and think it is important to have them.Im pretty much open to all type of music, its really all about the good beats and lyrics. Ask me if you want to know more!
     
  6. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    *insert appropriate joke about how women can deal with any disability just as long as it doesn't prevent them from nagging at you*

    /That Guy
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. My disability isn't really noticeable unless I'm going through a relapse and have to rely on walking aids or some other crazy thing happens to my body. Dating with a disability isn't all that fun. I don't tend to tell people right away that I have MS, but it can be a shitty clam jammer/cock blocker at times. I had to cancel a date once because I went blind for about a week. I made up some lame excuse, but after awhile of excuses, I came clean. Never heard from the guy after that. I could understand how it would be a turn off.

    There was a guy who I went out on a date with just a week prior to being carted off to the hospital to deal with some pretty heinous issues with the MS earlier this year. While in rehab, T kept texting me, and I just kept saying I wasn't feeling well. Eventually I came clean. He was actually really cool with it all. I told him not to wait around for me, but I would like to see him when I was feeling up to it. Sadly, he didn't wait and when I told him I was finally ready to go on another date, he had already started seeing someone. I don't blame him. I was in a rehab facility for four months. We did have drinks as "just friends" though.

    We remained friends and he's actually not with that girl anymore. We're going to see each other this week and I'm going to try to not pull my usual crap (stupid commitmentphobia stuff I've been pulling for years) and give this a go. He's worth it for being so cool.

    The whole point is yes, people suck and will look for any reason to find fault in someone. I say it's their loss and It's better to find out early so you can move on to someone who doesn't suck. There are people that are decent, it just might take awhile to find them. I don't know you very well, but I know me, and I rock. ;) I am not going to waste my time on someone who isn't able to accept me for all my faults whether it be because I have MS, have a flabby gut or am a Bengals fan.
    --- merged: Sep 13, 2011 5:29 AM ---
    Jerk
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Zen

    Zen Very Tilted

    Location:
    London
    Thank you. It occurs to me to wonder if there was a section on the dating site to describe the kind of person you were looking for. If so, please copy/paste that here too.

    I think Borla's suggestion to practice making conversation in general situations is a great one, and I am wanting you to get busy making friends on this forum for much the same reason, with the addition that this place is for people who are wanting to improve themselves, therefore you will get high quality feedback and thus accelerate your progress toward your goals.
     
  9. bbcobra

    bbcobra New Member

    Im not really picky about girls just as long they have a cool personality, sense of humor and pretty
     
  10. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    Hmmm, this is where we delve into the "right here, too much" part of your dating profile. You're being honest up front with women. That's great.

    The problem is a lot of them are going to go "damaged goods--next profile, please" and not even give you a chance. I mean, it's perfectly normal.

    The average woman on a dating site is absolutely inundated by lame private messages and can pretty much get five dates a night for a year.

    You, as the poor sucker trying to get picked, need to sell yourself on the same footing as other men. That means not mentioning your disability.

    I don't mention that I'm divorced in my dating profiles. I've had girls give me the "you're damaged goods" look when I mentioned in on date 2.

    You aren't being dishonest, you're just making sure they consider you for what you are as opposed to what you lack or have been through.

    But you should be picky... your definition of cool personality, a good sense of humor and beauty are almost certainly different than the next guy.

    /you get the idea
     
  11. amonkie

    amonkie Very Tilted

    Location:
    Windy City
    BBcobra,

    I am hard of hearing. I wear hearing aids, and don't sign. I don't put this in my profile on dating sites.. I see it the same way people don't put "I wear glasses". While being deaf can be a bit more awkward to introduce in social interaction times, don't let it stop you. It'll be what you make of it.

    I will admit I do get self conscious and I often crack the deaf jokes before anyone else can. Because then.. it's me poking fun at myself and not someone else. Somehow I can take that better, even though at the end of the day the result is the same.
     
  12. Doris

    Doris Getting Tilted

    I heard a really sad story about my old classmate. I haven't seen her after high school, but remember her as a really sweet girl. Her MS was discovered in her 30's, she married and had two children, the husband knew about the disease from the start. Yet later (now age 44), when her disease worsened, her husband arranged her to live on her own in an apartment, while he is living elsewhere with the kids making career apparently. She is depending on two assistants daily. One of her old school mates had contacted the husband and told him, what a scumbag he was to abandon her like that - he had made excuses of the wife being hinder to his career plans.

    I hope this doesn't sound discouraging to you, there are plenty of stories of opposite fates, people taking care of each other. I hope you find that. :)

    @plan and bbcobra: not every girl is used to reading "men catalogues". I for one am the kind, who wants to make her own conclusions, so I find (or would if I read them) any listings like these false by default. Maybe I don't believe in men knowing themselves? Or maybe I don't like being given a list of attributes the man wants me to focus on.

    I would rather have people grow on me. This can't actually happen, when you actively look for a date.

    When you go to a site to get picked, what can you expect?
     
  13. Frosstbyte

    Frosstbyte Winter is coming

    Location:
    The North
    People are picky and shallow. It takes roughly 5 seconds to discover people acting picky and/or shallow anytime, anywhere. Humans are not, by and large, deep animals. No animals are, really. It goes against your survival instincts (and your instinct to create healthy progeny) to be deep, at least up front. There's a fine line between oversharing and putting up a good facade. You kind of need to sell prospective mates on your facade, so that they can get into the deeper parts of you, both good and bad. Not that you should hide your condition, or necessarily can, but you can help to work with it to downplay the impact of people being picky and/or shallow.
     
  14. ASU2003

    ASU2003 Very Tilted

    Location:
    Where ever I roam
    Everyone is picky/shallow unless they are settling.

    In fact, I am so surprised that so many people can find relationships as easily as they do.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    This is so incredibly '80s-values emo-nihilistic awesome that I can barely contain myself.

    We're all settling. There isn't a single person out there that is satisfied with their partner.

    I mean, we're all so self-interested and vain to think that our complete happiness is vital.

    God... just the very thought of it makes me want to suck-start my pistol right after lunch.

    ...

     
    • Like Like x 2
  16. Doris

    Doris Getting Tilted

     
  17. greywolf

    greywolf Slightly Tilted

    Some are, some aren't. Finding a relationship is like fishing... you have to like the activity (finding someone) for itself. Actually catching something (someone) is a bonus. You do it for the enjoyment of meeting new people with the anticipation of finding someone who really interests you, but if you don't, you should still enjoy that possibility and the anticipation with each new person.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    I've also found It also helps if you like yourself and have developed yourself into a useful person that would be a worthwhile partner.

    It only took half a dozen relationships for me to figure that one out, but now that I've got it down I'm a lot happier with my choices.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Doris

    Doris Getting Tilted

    True, what PNein says, being happy with yourself is more attractive. It also helps to have some common interests.

    Also nicely said about fishing by greywolf. Even though I'm married, I still scan my environment. :p
     
  20. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    This a thousand times over. If you don't like yourself, it's going to be really hard to convince someone else to like you. If you can't be happy on your own, it's going to be nearly impossible for someone else to make you happy.

    The first step to a happy relationship is figuring out how to make yourself happy first. It also makes you incredibly more attractive to prospective partners who are capable of having a functional relationship.