Commited Couples and Group Sex

My wife of 15 years and I recently had a fun overnight in the Poconos at one of the famous couples-only resorts. The topic of group sex/threesomes came up a few times. First because the room we chose was obviously laid out to prevent privacy from nearly any spot in the room (mirrors and layout allowed line of sight to/from almost every spot in the suite to any other). There were also plenty of large flat surfaces built-in to corners and alcoves. We both decided it could truthfully be called the "Orgy Suite".

Second because there were several groups of people in the restaurant at dinner who were , it seemed to us, there with each other already for exactly that reason or (one guy hilariously obviously) checking out potential hookups.

So we talked about it more seriously than we have in the past, and she expressed a concern she had never brought up before. She said she would probably enjoy the physical sensations a lot, but is concerned about the level of intimacy between us during the activities. Which brings me to my question:

For those of you in long-term committed relationships who participate in threesomes and group sex with your partner, how do you maintain the intimacy with your partner when you are enjoying the company of a third (or more) participant?

 

Excellent question, Erion. I can't speak from personal experience because my wife & I have never gotten past the discussion phase.

The comment that shows up in nearly every thread and discussion that I've read and heard is:

You separate love/emotional commitment from sexual pleasure. Enjoy (accept) the physical pleasure with another person for what it is, sexual pleasure without emotional ties. The thing is, possibly the most difficult part, you have to do the same for each other. Each of you has to be willing and able to accept that the other is enjoying sex with someone else, and that doesn't diminish the feelings you have for one another.

 

Long time swinger here. Now there may be times where you hold hands, or give a wink to your SO while having sex with someone else, but really these are distractions from what you are doing to the other partner, which is not good. Its like txting and driving, don't do that, she/he deserves your attention at that moment.

The intimacy is not during the act but AFTER. Some people enjoy the "reconnect" sex after, some just talk about there experiences. Swinging first and foremost requires GREAT communication between both of you. The first time we did it, we couldn't shut up about it with each other for a good week or so. Now its just part of what we do.

We've never had an intimacy issue since doing this and if anything we are actually closer because of it.

 

My ideal partner would be into swinging - I've done it in the past, and my recently-ex-wife's extremely sexually vanilla nature is a large part of why we fell apart. She's a good woman and a good person, but we were utterly incompatible in the bedroom.

Although Herculite is clearly waay more experienced in these things than me, I've done a few and I can definitely agree with the bit about not being needy with your partner while attending to someone else's needs. You gotta be able to just let each other go play on the sexual playground, one of you on the slide and one of you on the monkey bars so to speak, enjoy your individual experiences, and then meet back up afterwards.

 

Well one thing to be clear on, is there is no "one way" or "best way" to swing. Everyone is going to be different. Some couples will just go off and do their own thing and meet up at the end of the night, others will stick together, find a couple and then separate, others will stay in the same room. With new people we always stick together and always the same room.

 

My husband and I have never had an intimacy issue outside of group sexor threeesomes. The people we have participated with are individuals and couples that we are close to and have a bond with. During intimacy with others we don't care what the other is doing with someone else we enjoy the moment. We both enjoy watching the other perform with someone else and it heightens the experience. Afterwards we lay together talk about it and make love.

 

That pretty much describes us as well. When my wife and I were in a committed MFM threesome with an extremely close male friend (many years ago), one of us guys would fuck my wife while the other watched, then we'd trade places. (BTW, we always thought of it as just "fucking", as "making love" was exclusively for my wife and I.) Occasionally (very rare), our friend and I would both take her at the same time (him in her pussy and me in her mouth, for example.) It all worked out well for the three of us.

TMI?

 

I quite enjoyed reading it ... so if it is tmi thanks for that!

 

no such thing

 

This thread makes me wish that I could be one of yall. lol