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Fifty Shades of Choad: 9er and Baraka do chick lit crit

Discussion in 'Tilted Art, Photography, Music & Literature' started by Plan9, Jul 8, 2012.

  1. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    Okay, folks... I ordered the book.

    I'll start reading it when it arrives and pretty soon we'll all be up to our knees in really bad commentary and fanged-dick vampire sex scene rewrites.

    ...

    Baraka_Guru,

    You better get on it, brother. You know that I'm an aliterate illterate. I'm gonna need reinforcements.

    ...

    Please.

    Envision a reloaded Masterpiece Theatre, Miss Noodle. Sir Baraka of Guru will be adorned in a fine cashmere sweatervest and drinking some tea while I slide into my burgundy smoking jacket, tilt back a stainless flask containing only the smoothest rotgut and crack my knuckles breaking the binding of this putative romance novel. Baraka and I will discuss whether the sex scenes are realistic, worth reading (or reenacting on our significant others) and ruminate on the implications of dark strangers thrusting their undead-yet-turgid fuckpistols into the oh-so-smooth-and-much-like-coffin-lining squeezebox of a mortal woman's vajayjay. This isn't going to be two pothead mallrats snorting at boobies, no-no, this is going to be serious art. *

    * I have no idea what the plot is and I'm totally guessing it's vampire porn.

    ...

    I'll be the judge of that, too.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2012
  2. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    Monsterpiece Theater, maybe... with Cookie Monster and Bert.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  3. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2012
  4. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Wait, what? We're expected to spend money on this shit?

    If I can get it from the library, I will. (In this case, there are currently 2,654 holds on 252 copies
    ...with three-week loans.)

    Failing that, everything is free on the Internet if you know where to look.

    Cardigan, man! Cardigan! Sweater vest? That's only at the cottage.
     
  5. PonyPotato

    PonyPotato Very Tilted

    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    Unfortunately, the "lending" function is disabled on the Kindle book thanks to the publisher, otherwise I'd be able to lend it to you for 2 weeks for free, Baraka. I'm sure it's pirated somewhere on the internets, though..
     
  6. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Thanks anyway. I have alternative means.
     
  7. Did anyone else picture him saying this with a diabolical smile?
     
    • Like Like x 7
  8. Holy fuck, this will be epic.
     
  9. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Nebraska
    Epic, indeed. Or at least epic in word, if not in deed.
    I had a few surrealistic (one night) stands.;)

    Lindy
     
  10. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    did i miss the name of the book and the author somewhere?
     
  11. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage Donor

    Location:
    Temasek
    We should sell tickets to this...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    This idea originated in this thread: 50 Shades of Grey | The TFP

    So we will be tackling Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James, the fastest-selling paperback of all time (even faster than Harry Potter).
     
  13. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    Ya know, this is the second time a mod has decapitated a thread, retitled it something absolutely awful and given me OP. Thanks, Baraka.

    I'll get drunk later and come up with something 100% better. I gotta say, I'm really looking forward to this little homework assignment.

    What will the new title be? Will Plan9 masturbate to this book? Find out on the next thrilling episode of 50ish Maids Wanna Get Laid.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  14. Cwtch38

    Cwtch38 Bat Shit Crazy

    Location:
    Uk

    Is this review going to be on webcam ????;)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    Hah, you obviously haven't seen what I look like. I mean, nobody wants to see that.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. the_jazz

    the_jazz Accused old lady puncher Donor

    I liked because I don't want to see that.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  17. Cwtch38

    Cwtch38 Bat Shit Crazy

    Location:
    Uk
    I have strange tastes :D
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Charlatan

    Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage Donor

    Location:
    Temasek
    How does one masturbate a smooth spot, exactly? Like this?

    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 8
  19. Fremen

    Fremen Allright, who stole my mustache? Donor

    Location:
    E. Texas
    /opens Notepad and gets ready to learn
     
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Plan9

    Plan9 Hard To Kill Donor

    Location:
    This Island Earth
    How did you know? Heh. I refer to her as "La Femme Makita."
     
    • Like Like x 11