First therapy session

i like to think i get through this life in a fairly smooth/adjusted way and definitely feel like i'm getting value and enjoyment from it, but like anyone else i have some hang ups and some traumas that i've been through and i've always wondered if therapy might get me to a better place than i am already. one of my best friends has gotten a lot out of his therapist and has set up an opening for me to see them so i thought i'd throw this query out to you guys...

what was your opening session like? where do you start with a person when it seems like there are so many places to begin?

what are some good questions to ask the therapist to get to know them and get more comfortable with each other?

to those that got on a roll and made some progress with their therapy... what would you have hit upon early on if you had to do it all over again to get the most out of it?

also, got any tips you'd like to impart that i didn't think to ask just now?

thanks for any feedback!

 

I don't really remember to much from the early ones. It has been 10 years already...

It was basically tweaking your whole mindset through deep questioning to find out who you are and help you overcome your own fears and to understand your life.

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvaE_HCMimQ


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhzNhLgPX9o


What do you want to get out of it and the type of therapy are the two big things. Oh, and I would come up with questions to ask and what I believed the therapist would say, yet it was interesting how wrong I was. You can write down things to talk about throughout the week so you don't forget anything. One question is what style they use, but usually the therapist I had did a lot of the talking and questioning.

As to how well you need to know your therapist to feel safe and trusting...that is a difficult thing to answer and it is different for everyone. I got lucky with who I saw, since age and gender would have influenced how much I could have opened up. Bring up any concerns you have early on.

Honestly, the world is so messed up that if you don't go a little crazy, then something is wrong with you.

 

I had two successful rounds of therapy in my life- one from when I was around 14 to when I was around 21, the other just before and during rabbinical school, when I was 32-36. I don't really remember much that stood out from the first sessions. I mostly took the first few sessions both times to give personal history. I lucked out on my therapist the first time-- I was covered by my parents' HMO insurance, so I had to see whatever therapist they assigned me, and I was fortunate enough to be matched up with a really good one. The second time, when I picked my own therapist (and paid for him, too, since my insurance didn't cover mental health at that point), I made sure to pick someone who was a really good listener, who asked helpful guiding questions, and who really got me (which is not necessarily easy to ensure: I basically need a well-educated Jewish guy with a wide range of interests and experiences and a lot of spiritual groundedness; fortunately for me, the field of psychology and psychotherapy kind of leans a little to guys who fit that particular demographic).

In the end, a good therapist-patient relationship is very much about chemistry and complementary styles of personality, about good listening by the therapist, and about the patient being willing (or feeling able) to trust the therapist. In my experience, this requires not only forethought about how you as the patient would like your therapy to be, but also some shopping around. When I picked my therapist (the second time round), I had intro sessions with three or four other therapists first, which didn't work out-- no chemistry and/or trust. Even the first time, I had had three unsuccessful attempts at therapy under my parents' auspices from the time I was 10 to the time I was 13 (child of divorced parents, etc.), so if the guy my HMO had assigned to me had been too much like any of those three previous therapists, I would've requested a different therapist be assigned.

Therapy has been a real blessing for me. I have no idea where I would be, or what I would be today without it. Probably not a relatively happy, relatively grounded, happily married rabbi with a baby.

 

I'm weary of formal mental health services as they're often construed as a liability by those that assess you (employers).

It's sad that we live in a world where the act of getting help on your own somehow indicates you're damaged goods.

We also live in a vending machine world where people expect solutions to come in a pill or from x talk sessions.

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The best help is self-help: Hit the gym, pick up a new hobby, take a class on something new at a community college.

 

Don't you love it when they mandate the sessions then ask you about them later? Like when you interview for a new job or promotion. I was involved in a shooting years ago and according to "the book" that meant a few weeks of desk duty and a min. of 3 sessions with the shrink. Three years later I applied for a promotion. One of the first questions they asked was "In you file it shows you attended counseling..." I ended up getting the promotion and my union rep. told me they weren't legally allowed to ask me. But "legally" didn't stop them and honestly I'm glad they did, gave me a opportunity to explain rather then just having a memo in file saying a went to the shrink.

 

Personally, I believe in 'self help' and I've done pretty well with it over the years, seeing as my life has been unreasonably complicated and I'm not a total basket case. But not everyone has the same capabilities. I'm not sure it's fair to suggest that everyone can 'help themselves' by going to the gym or picking up a new hobby.

 

Yep. working out at the gym and checking out my usual elk spotting locations helped me way more then having someone who has never done my job or been in a situation anything like mine ask me "and how did you feel about that?"

 

First one is usually gathering information and identifying what you want to work on. Then working on a plan, including how often sessions will occur and the expectations of both therapist and client. The next few are typically rapport building, getting into what you think and what the thp thinks. At least, that's how I do therapy.

 

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No, it isn't fair to suggest that getting off your ass and fixing yourself will help everyone.

"Because life isn't fair." People do piss away their years holding onto their anxieties.

I tend to see it as: All animals are sane, but some are more sane than others.

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I'm leery of shrinks because I've seen how people that seek help are portrayed by employers, media, etc. Therapy is a scarlet letter.

And weaponized. Doesn't matter if it's for stupid childhood drama, wha-wha divorce pains or even serious issues like rape or murder.

If you attempt to deal with things within the same good/bad network that the criminal justice system uses, you're suddenly a liability.

It's not the fault of the mental health system, really. The problem is that many people want to easily compartmentalize human beings.

I feel like it's what the computer said in War Games: The only way to win [in the mental health circuit in the US] is to not play at all.

 

I think that depends on the world you're trying to live in. not every profession calls for revealing intimate details about your medical history.

Self help requires extensive inner work and acceptance of your own flaws. Saying that those things can,be accomplished by hobbies or working out is trite at best. I understand where you are coming from but it's not enough. That is what is unfair about your opinion.

 

*shrug*

I agree that we're not all the same and that some people do need mental health wizards to unlock the stasis spells that they've cast on themselves.

But I don't think it requires extensive inner work or acceptance. I think you and I are both products of that. How much inner work did you do?

I can tell you that I didn't do much: I was too fucking busy chasing an education, a career and a life partner instead of fretting over anxieties.

I'm hardly superhuman and I think my "extensive inner work" was finding TFP in 200x when I wanted to bitch about my divorce.

Whenever I found myself playing wounded emo, people like Martian came out of the woodwork and set me straight.

I can accept that people need help but I can't accept that said help is epic magic.

As usual, we can agree to disagree on everything.

/circlejerk

 

I am *always* working at it.

I agree that external outlets, like tfp, are helpful but they are largely distractions. Not necessarily therapeutic. I tend to think that issues that aren't dealt with on an intimate level will continue to surface in our lives to our own detriment. No amount of simply telling ourselves how we should be will address them effectively. Granted, we are very different, but I am skeptical.

 

Well, since we're on the topic:

Are you really working at it or is that just who you are naturally? I tend to think people crave placebos and discredit their own internal wiring.

I've found that healthy distractions are excellent therapy as they allow the wounds of life trauma to scar over and and "stretch and fade with time."

And what is the desired endstate for personal issues, anyway? To look back without flinching? To learn something for your next life challenge?

 

thanks a bunch for all the insights and info. part of why i'm asking is that on the whole i'm pretty happy with my life. i've been into life changing health and fitness levels for going on 3 years now and even though i can get melancholy now and again it's nothing like what i've read about depression and i rarely feel bona fide lonely even though i've been living alone and single for more than a decade.

i think part of why i want to explore therapy is that i wonder whether being comfortable and happy is keeping me from being motivated to improve my life even more; indeed, i sometimes wonder if i hold myself back somewhat because of concerns that advancement in career, gaining of new responsibilites, and taking on a relationship could actually set me back on my overall life happiness levels. the unknowns concern me.

anyway, i think about all this stuff a lot and am wondering if a therapist is worth the expense when it comes to hashing through this... even though there's not much i can't discuss with my friends already. but at minimum 60$ a pop i want to hit the ground running and get the most i can from the get-go.

 

By placebo I meant the shrink, not a literal sugarpill.

I guess I forgot that some individuals have been "wired incorrectly" their whole lives. I tend to think solely of fully-functional adults. My bad.

Whatever you want to call it. Healing. Coping. Growing the fuck up. Time really does heal many wounds. It's how I got over my divorce... doing shit and passing time; suddenly I was better.

Why not? Example: Often much of our lives consist of a mind-numbing rat race. Our leisure time is simply escapist behavior.

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I'm all for meditation. I don't do it or even know how it works but my current girlfriend really seems to benefit from it.