Hotwife life

I've been intrigued (more than intrigued) by the hotwife lifestyle lately and my wife and I have talked about it quite a bit and find it pretty arousing. I tend to overthink things, but I'm wondering what it is about it that it so fascinating to me...why not only is it not a problem (for me) to have her engage in sex with other guys, it is an intense turn on. We have a solid longterm marriage, have been through all kinds of stuff together and continue to be deeply in love. One factor might be that I am a decade older - in my 60's, and am probably thinking that if my sexuality starts to wane (it hasn't yet, thank goodness) I still want her to be sexually active. We are both above average in our sexual drives and openness - we are pretty GGG. We had a threesome with a cool guy last summer and it was awesome. Now my fantasy is that while she is away on business or fun, she finds a guy (or two) and has sex - a hall pass, I guess. The rules (we've talked these over) are: condoms and she has to tell me everything. (Oh, and no falling in love, this is just about sex.) I'm even tempted to get her one of those silly ankle bracelets which is supposed to be a signal. Has anyone had experience with this? Just talking about it with her is like Viagra for me, honestly. (By the way, she is actually hot - fit and athletic and very pretty.)

 

Because you are sexually bored, and this is something new. My wife and I are non-monogamous ourselves, monogamish is a better term for us, and you can only keep that fire going so long, especially women, in a relationship. This is where the lack of married sex jokes come from. Desire and lust get turned off quickly even if you still love your partner.

I'm personally not a fan of the hot wife thing, I think doing solo play is for many couples asking for trouble as you don't get to pick who you fall in love with, and that limerence you can get from a new lover is like a drug. Its why people make bad decisions.

I would personally stick to things like 3somes or the like, where you are involved in some capacity. So far, as a swinger, the track record of couples we know who go solo isn't great on the divorce end. Its not 100% but its substantial.

 

You've had more experience than we have, and I take your advice seriously. I'm not too worried about our relationship...it is solid, but I suppose that is what everyone thinks. We've learned that the conversation, the honesty, the candor itself is very sexy, and there is something to be said for that, even if it goes no further. Anticipation is a big turn on and leads to that vibrating of the libido as one ponders what might happen.

The border between casual sex and polyamory should be considered. I don't think either of us wants more romantic relationships, though we both want interesting and varied sexual experiences. I can see where, especially if you are engaging in sex with people you might see more than once, relationships can form. So far, our experiences have been in other cities and with people we have no chance of seeing again.

Also, thanks for introducing me to the word "limerance" - I didn't know that one and it is good.

 

for what its worth I would love to see my wife have sex with another man, its a fantasy of mine but I know that it will never happen. with that said there is no way id leave my wife alone (wither it be in another house or another state) to have sex with another man. there are too many things that can happen, there are too many not so nice people in the world. if it were going to happen id rather be in the same room so I can make sure that she is ok

 

My wife & I have discussions about her enjoying a second or even third guy, but it's just talk (yes, arousing talk). Her going solo with another guys is discussed, but usually if we're having a "what if" fantasy discussion, or she's describing a sexual dream. To put that in perspective we have all kinds of "what if" sexual discussions.

If your wife starts looking forward the thrill of a new lover (and let's face it, that new sex could be considerably more exciting than what she's gotten used to with you, despite your skills, energy, & efforts), AND starts thinking of sex with you as just OK, your sex life could suffer.

The idea that she loves you and won't fall for somebody else sounds good in words, and in the written word if you read hotwife erotica/porn, but we're humans with emotions. We don't know when "This is a one time thing" might progress into "Well, a second time should be OK," then "I'll call you the next time I'm in town," and so on.

The trust issue could go much further than you trusting her to stick to the rules. Suppose an emotional affair does develop, she tells you (or even worse she doesn't and you find out about it), and she ends it. Where would that leave your relationship?

 

It sounds like you guys might be in a good spot to try swinging. We've been doing it now for 15 years, off and on as life allows, and its been very good for our marriage and our personal levels of happiness in general. It keeps us motivated to stay in shape, gives us something to have secret looks over, and keeps our genes from getting too bored.

As a warning though its not a cure all, and sex is very much like a drug in that the more you get the more you need to get where it used to get you. Our first swinging experience we talked non-stop for a week about. We just got off a swinger vacation which was far "hotter" than our first swinging and we haven't even mentioned it outside of in passing. What used to be mind blowing is now just a nice evening.

What I'm advising is take it slow because its *better* slow. Start with some soft swap, move into the real deal slowly. Its a mind blowing thing that I personally feel sorry for couples who can't experience this for whatever reason, but even it has a shelf life. I've seen couples jump in both feet going all out and they disappear from the scene quickly. Usually one of them has had a freak out of some sort, one wasn't ready, one thought they were ready and they were not.

So go slow, go together and enjoy the ride.

 

Thanks again. We'd not describe ourselves as swingers, though we've been to a couple of clubs a couple of times and engaged in sex in front of but not with others. Found it thrilling and, yes, talked for days about it and it had quite a positive effect on our own sex life for some time. Had a foursome in France a couple years ago at a club there. The one threesome arranged via CL. That's about it. Oh, and the erotic massage in Barcelona...that was great, too. I'm sure that sounds like a lot to some people, but to me it is a very gradual path to more openness. We are so enjoying the ride, and again, I appreciate your advice. Talking about it and planning it is at least half the fun.

 

This is a very popular fantasy for most married men whether or not they will admit it. I’ve had this same fantasy for years and finally talked with my wife about it a few years ago and was pleasantly surprised to find her most cooperative. She’s been with several guys since and I watched her twice. It was incredibly hot seeing her fucking other men.