Inappropriate Thoughts About Fictional Characters

This is about those times you think something sexual about fictional characters who are totally not in sexy literature/media, and/or who are totally unintended to be sexy.

If you have ever fantasized about Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly, or wondered what Yoda's dick would look like, or thought about Barbie masturbating in the Dream House, or talked about Smurfette being the center of a little blue gangbang, and so on...this thread is your confessional.

I will start out.

My little son is a big fan of the "Fancy Nancy" books: I read him like three or four every day. I kind of think Fancy Nancy's teacher, Ms. Glass, is a little hot. She's always so excited about stuff, she seems like she'd be really enthusiastic in the sack.

And speaking of kid's literature, in the "Curious George" books, the Man with the Yellow Hat seems to be single, but he also seems to be "friends" with a number of married women/widows. Am I the only one who's wondered if the Man with the Yellow Hat is a gigolo? It's never clear exactly what the hell he does for a job, but he must be raking it in to cover the expenses of raising a monkey who is consistently creating fucking havoc wherever he goes. I think he fucks wealthy mature ladies for a living.

Moving on to non-kid lit, when I read Tolkien's The Silmarillion, I wonder about whether the Valar have sex, and if they do, what are their sexual ethics? They don't seem to reproduce. They're basically divine spirits who choose much of the time to wear a physical form more or less like Elves. So do they have sexual desire? Do they only fuck one another-- most of them seems to be "married" to other Valar. Are they monogamous? Do they fuck Maiar too? What about Elves? Would it be too potent an experience, or do they maybe not fuck Elves because they have rules about not getting it on with non-divine spirits?

Superman. If he and Supergirl decided to bang, how would they make sure she didn't get knocked up? I am presuming the issue would only arise with Supergirl, because it doesn't seem likely that people from different planets would be able to reproduce with one another, no matter how physically similar they might appear. And presumably, Kryptonians are super-advanced enough to realize that the withdrawal method is hideously unreliable, even if you could withdraw at super-speed. So how would they do it? There's nothing on Earth strong enough but supple and thin enough for him to use as a condom: his super spunk would shoot right through latex, or anything else for that matter. So I think they would have to use a spermicidal lube laced with a little Kryptonite. Not enough to make either of them sick, of course, just enough to weaken his Kryptonian sperm enough for the spermicide to do its thing. Or would it be something else?

Anybody seen the animated series Star Wars: Rebels? Adult Ahsoka Tano gets me going. Don't entirely know why. She definitely does, though. More so than Sabine Wren, who isn't bad, or Hera Syndulla, also not bad. But grown-up Ahsoka...she makes me feel the Force.

 

If we ever meet by chance IRL I'm pretty sure it will be at a Star Trek TNG gang bang.
If you look up and see a guy plowing Counselor Troi and waving to you........that's me.

 

This is weird. I'm an avid reader, yet I can't think of a single fictional female character that got/gets me going.

Regarding TV, as a kid nearing/hitting puberty the list would be quite long. Excluding women were meant to be sexy, off the top of my head, Patricia Blair as Rebecca Boone, and Linda Cristal as Victoria Montoya Cannon.

 

What no Sebastian Michaelis?

 

Oy, the things I would do to Lucius Malfoy...


I also feel the same about Loki, but I feel like there's a sexual element that's supposed to be there (plus, I don't think Tom Hiddleston can NOT be sexy.) (oh, and the same goes for Jareth the Goblin King, too.)

I also had a thing for Steve from Blue's Clues.


Looking back, most of my teenage/pre-teen fantasies were about literary characters. And most of those characters were meant to be sexy, so I don't think I'd count them (um, pretty much every "bad boy" character from LJ Smith books? Hell yeah.)

 

SUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Chelsea Peretti's Gina character from Brooklyn 99 and I would make fuck like both my depraved exwife and my extremely pliable first girlfriend combined.

Goddamn, she's weird... and hot.

 

@Baraka-_Guru, aren't some of the women you listed supposed to/intentionally be sexy?

I'm thinking a thread about in-real-life people who turn us on, despite the fact that they're not "traditionally" attractive would be interesting.

 

Hell no! You listed some hawt wimmins!

 

I'm pretty vanilla by comparison with y'all.

Way back in the day, when "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir" was a sitcom, I had a crush on Hope Lange.

In the animated world, I always thought Caillou's mom was very cool (my wife teased me about this). Also Betty Rubble in "The Flintstones".

 

For me it would be Deanna Troi and 7 of 9....

I don't remember what it was by I was watching some kid's movie with my 7 year old and found myself thinking "Wow, what a rack," then realizing I was talking about a cartoon....