1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. We've had very few donations over the year. I'm going to be short soon as some personal things are keeping me from putting up the money. If you have something small to contribute it's greatly appreciated. Please put your screen name as well so that I can give you credit. Click here: Donations
    Dismiss Notice
Cookies Donations 2021

Is it bad to feel uncomfortable saying I love you to my bf?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by chelle, Jul 5, 2012.

  1. chelle

    chelle Vertical

    I've been with him almost a year and I've been waiting so long to hear those words. I have been wanting to tell him but I felt kind of traditional and scared. He finally said it a few days ago by surprised and it was a very nice moment. I told him I love him too and we were really happy about it.

    Now he says "I love you" every time before we go to sleep and I uncomfortably say "I love you too" I feel bad about it. I explained to him that it might be because I'm not used to saying it and he understood. I think it might be that I may feel more comfortable saying "I love you" when I feel it and when I feel like it should be said...not just because we say "goodnight" and "bye".

    But the thing is...when I was in my first relationship I said I love you ALLLL the time. I was always the first to say it. I'm thinking maybe I never got used to saying "I love you too". I don't know. But in my bf's family and my family...we never say I love you to one another...but he has a easier time saying "I love you" than I do.

    Moments like when we are happy and cuddling I want to tell him I love him. Or if he does something I find warming... Not just for goodbyes and goodnights. I don't understand why I feel that way when I never did this before. I feel like I do love him and that my actions show it but I just can't say it as often as him.
     
    chelle, Jul 5, 2012
    #1
  2. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    I would guess that you feel it's a forced time to say it when he says it first in place of "good night" or "goodbye" and your reaction is in response to that. If you are not someone who comes from a family that says it constantly, it is probably more of something you say when you are motivated emotionally in the moment. Saying it when you feel obligated just doesn't feel right. As long as you can still say it when YOU are motivated to, and it's not a total lack of ability to feel or express it, I think what you are describing is fairly common.
     
    Borla, Jul 5, 2012
    #2
    • Like Like x 1
  3. chelle

    chelle Vertical

    Probably so. I told him through text randomly when I was thinking about him. I also feel like telling him when I'm just really happy with him not doing anything in particular.

    The reason why I worry is because I can't say it on "command" in response to Goodbye or Goodnight...but I was able to with my ex. I know you're not a psychiatrist but why do you think that may be? lol I honestly have no idea. I think MAYBE because my ex RARELY said I love you so it was up to me to always say it and insecurity that he didn't really love me and I needed to hear it...
     
    chelle, Jul 5, 2012
    #3
  4. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member


    You probably answered it yourself. Maybe that and maybe you have a defense mechanism subconsciously now because of that previous relationship?
     
    Borla, Jul 5, 2012
    #4
  5. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    I agree it shouldn't be a before bed formality like brushing your teeth.
    Say it when you feel it, as often (or not) as you like. If he has questions about it, talk it over.
     
    fflowley, Jul 5, 2012
    #5
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Seaver

    Seaver Vertical

    Location:
    Dallas
    I've always been the same way. Generally my GFs have been very self-concious as a result, the best of them finally acceptimg that when I do say it, it's with true emotion and carries a much higher weight to the declaration than a simple automatic response of "me too".

    As with all relationship issues, proper communication is the key.
     
    Seaver, Jul 5, 2012
    #6
  7. Zen

    Zen Very Tilted

    Location:
    London
    Hi, Chelle

    Like Borla says .... you've probably answered it yourself. I really do think that's it. I really do think you've answered it.

    My main contribution to this thread however, is, as you know, that I've been following how you and he have been getting along, and cheering you on from the sidelines, and for now, I can't say anything except ...

    I'm so happy, Chelle ... so happy that it's been slowly but surely heading in this direction. I wish you and him all good things.

    :)
     
    Zen, Jul 5, 2012
    #7