Is there a benefit letting my 14 year old visit her mom in jail?

looking for discussion/prison related forums and this came up

My wife and mother of my fourteen year old will be going to jail for seven months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my daughter we should be glad her mother is serving time for her actions. Doing the right thing for her mistakes. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did .


I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything. Some might say sticking by her is being enabling but I just cannot agree I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because I don't think my daughter to be exposed to a prison environment. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image. Her mom will be dressed in a jail uniform and is of course rightfully being treated like any other inmate but that might send a "normalizing" message to my daughter . My daughter seems to be taking it fine , she also said it is kind of funny that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother.


I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it If I do allow her what should I tell her in advance to prepare her? Is it a good idea for her to ask her mother questions about all this? also, I am willing to still let her be involved with her daughter and other things going on by telling her everything when she calls and asking about them. Is this alright? I managed to talk to one of the main guards that works at that jail. She said that since my daughter is a teenagers it is perfectly fine to take her. She also said use it as a learning experience (what does that mean do you think), ask your wife to be honest about what happened, and to simply present it as a punishment for wrong doing. What do you think about this?

 

Your daughter is 14, she was born in the Information Age. I doubt that the prison visit will bother her.

 

I'm wondering why you would even consider not letting her visit her mom?!

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it is not her mom, it is the environment

 

That's why I mentioned the Information Age, she has probably seen more via the Internet than you might imagine. As @genuinemommy mentioned the environment for visitors will very likely be tightly controlled.

Plus one for the learning experience.

 

I can't think of a better way to teach your daughter to make different choices.

 

When I inevitably go to jail for stabbing someone...I'd like to know that my daughter would be willing and able to visit me.

I don't know what the extent of "finance" crimes are here, but if it's a white collar crime, I doubt she'll be in a very scary jail anyways.

 

It's a common misconception in juvenile justice policy that exposure to prison life deters future crime: OJJDP News @ a Glance - March/April 2011

 

kids nowadays are exposed to worse on tv and at walmart

 

What is bad at Walmart?

 

What are the main things she can learn from a visit over reading about it?

 

She can learn either way; the visit would be about the reality, the actual experience.

You should ask your daughter the questions you've asked here.

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What is your socio-economic situation? Is your wife's incarceration something you & your daughter keep secret, or at least don't address openly with your neighbors? How do you handle it around friends? Would the visit earn your daughter status/cool points with her friends, or would she be embarrassed to discuss it with them?

I ask because you might need to discuss the situation with your daughter, explain to her there's nothing "cool" about being in prison, the difficulties your wife will face being a former convict, etc. Or perhaps she already knows.

 

What isn't bad about Wal-Mart?

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I asked her and she seems to know


Since it is a seven month sentence it will hurt my wife in some ways but based on some laws here it won't ruin her entire life


I don't think she thinks it is cool

 

It's sounds as though her visiting her mom shouldn't be a problem.

Please stick around and post, there are many interesting threads here. An update on her visit would be great.

 

I will probably take her

I'll also post my follow up questions I asked some

Main problem I have is She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuitShe will see other inmates and women behind bars The guards could be intimidating Is that ok for a 15 year old to see?

it would be weird to see her mom basically in that jail jumpsuit like the people you see on TV

Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. This is strange to me. Do you find this normal? my daughter seems to poke a little fun at her mom having to wear a uniform, follow guards orders, and change and shower with others. I wonder if that is normal. My wife doesn't mind and even joked about it a bit. They have a good relationship my daughter also seems interested in knowing what the jail is like. I wonder if that is normal as well

--- Double Post Merged, Apr 20, 2017, Original Post Date: Apr 20, 2017 ---

Also I've been told to treat it like the high school field trips to jail. My thought was "there are high school field trips to jail?"