Mom just told me she wants a divorce from my dad. FML

So yeah, my mom just dropped the news to me and I'm the only one. She plans on telling my dad tomorrow. No one will see this coming. I can see my moms point of view and her reasons are justified, but it seems to quick. She's seen a lawyer and everything about it. Parents are in their 60's? I dunno. I always forget. I suck with dates.

I dunno what to do. Don't know how my brother/sister will handle it. Don't know how the family will react. Don't know how my dad will react. I work all day, but I might take off on my second job.

Anyone got any good links I could read or good words of encouragement?

~ Metallica_Band

 

fuck dude... i'm sorry to hear that. I don't think there are any words of comfort that i can think of, which i realize is completely unhelpful to you, but people if people are going to be as shocked as you say they will be, i don't think there are any words that you will be able to say. maybe i'm wrong (my parents got divorced when i was 2 so i don't remember much) but this is one of those times when you just stay silent in the same room as whoever needs it most for that point when they do feel like talking again. nothing compares to having another pulse in the room capable of empathy even if it isn't used.

what's usually helped me get over emotional trauma is viewing the grief/shitty feelings like the symptoms of a cold. yeah it sucks, but there really isn't a way around it, you just gotta face the music, wait out the shitty feelings, and know that feeling better isn't a matter of what you can do as much as it is a matter of time. i wish you the best

 

Metallica - Once upon a time, in a far off land, a brave young man plucked up the courage to chat to a pretty girl. They had lots of fun together, picnics in the park, strolls along the beach, gazing at a night dark sky and appreciating the stars - and if he could, he would have plucked one down for her and put it on her finger as a ring, and she adored him for his thoughtfullness, and kissed his smile. When he asks her to spend eternity with him she throws her arms about his neck and kisses him yes. They have a big party to announce their union to all around the land.
Time moves on, their children arrive who are loved, and they grow strong under the guidance of their parents, evolve, as is the nature of growing children/people.
Then maybe, one day, the pretty girl - now mum of grown ups - she realises that she loves her children dearly, and that she has changed over the years, grown as have all of her family, and she realises that the young girl in her still loves the memory of the brave young man who would give her stars as diamonds, but she is no longer that young girl, she has changed as has he, and the way they have changed has made them drift apart - perhaps there was no shared hand on the tiller - perhaps neither of them know when or that their courses have changed. It just happens.
Now, they still meet, their children invite them both places, and if the man of elder years needs a hand, she offers kindly, remembering their shared love, and he does the same for her. They each of them know their time is nearly over, and each of them want to gaze up at the stars without regret, knowing they have lived a fulfilling life, knowing that they have had love in their lives, and wanting the hand of a soulmate again to hold.
Metallica - its not always fault that breaks a marriage. Its a very big move your mother is planning. She has, as you said, not told your dad yet, her brave young man from years ago. I hope they both find happiness together or apart, and remember, your family is not lost. Seems mayhap your parents just lost each other.

 

Been through the same experience as you Metallica - as a grown child of divorcing parents. It is confusing and painful. The bext I can offer is to keep your relationship intact with both parents. Based on what you posted I don't see that you are assigning blame, I hope that doesn't happen. Keep close to both, talk to both about it. It's OK to say you don't like what is happening and still be able to not blame either one. Sometimes, quite often in fact, these things happen. Years from now, this will have healed. You will still have a mother and you still will have a father. Keep those relationships strong. Don't let this damage them.

Good luck. There's some rough times ahead, it will get better, eventually.

 

damn man, sorry to hear that. my parents divorced when i was 18. it was rough on me. i wish you the best of luck, and it will eventually get better
--- merged: Nov 3, 2011 1:07 PM ---
damn man, sorry to hear that. my parents divorced when i was 18. it was rough on me. i wish you the best of luck, and it will eventually get better
--- merged: Nov 3, 2011 1:08 PM ---
damn man, sorry to hear that. my parents divorced when i was 18. it was rough on me. i wish you the best of luck, and it will eventually get better
--- merged: Nov 3, 2011 1:08 PM ---
damn man, sorry to hear that. my parents divorced when i was 18. it was rough on me. i wish you the best of luck, and it will eventually get better
--- merged: Nov 3, 2011 1:09 PM ---
im sorry to hear that. my parents got a divorce when i was 18, it was rough. all i can say is that it will eventually get better

 

Is it worse to wish my parents had divorced? Mom threatened all the time. They've been married 50 years now.

 

No Cayvman. I wish my dad had escaped before he became incapable of doing so. His last years were torture. He had no say, no rights, no hope

 

No. My parents should have divorced WAY before they did. It would have sucked dealing with custody and living arrangements, but I think it would have been healthier for everyone involved.

Much luck to you, Metallica. I agree with snowy...be prepared for some emotional bombs when things start coming to light. I can't tell from your OP, but I hope you are close with your siblings and other family. It helps a lot (at least it did with me).

 

Sometimes, divorce can be quite civilised. Just because you dont want to be married doesnt mean you have to hate each other. Fingers crossed, you all come out of it unscathed.

 

Metallica- I'm sorry to hear that. My folks divorced when I was 11, and it was a bitch. But hopefully, since you're grown, it may prove easier for you to come to terms with than it was for me as a kid. Divorce sucks for everyone around it, but in the end, it's always better for people to be apart who don't both want to be together. That's an awful truth, but still a truth.

I hope you have good friends to give you support through this time. And don't shun therapy: it can help to talk about it. I know it helped me.

 

Metallica, why is this a FML moment? What does your parent's divorce have to do with you? I know it might be hard for you to see your folks go through this but, it really is *their* life.

Look at it this way, do you want to watch your Mom suffer in a marriage in which she is clearly not happy? Would you want that if it was just to make *you* happy?

From where I am sitting, your FML comment is more than a tad selfish.

It's important to remember that they will both still be your parents and while they may not love each other, they will both still love you.

 

It's going to be hard for you. It's going to be hard for your siblings, stick with them, support each other, and don't let it get between you. It's not any of your fault, it's just something that happens in relationships. Keep feeling what you feel now about your parents, try not to take sides, and understand that relationships sometimes go bad, it's just the way of the world.

Take a big e-hug from us here at TFP and don't be afraid to vent and ask for support when you need to because it's never an easy thing to go through and that's what community is about.