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my boyfriend keeps lying about little things!

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by howdy99, Aug 30, 2012.

  1. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    ok so ive been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years and i keep catching him lying about little things. When i find out about it i confront him and he lies straight to my face and when i tell him i caught him red handed then he admits it and apologizes ect. Im a firm believer in if you can lie about something small you can lie about something big. Hes lied about where hes been with his friends, social networks he has, and just stuff like that. When i ask why he lies he says 'because i know youll get mad.' I just dont know what to do. I caught him in a lie recently and i broke up with him and told him if he changes and proves to me that he'll stop then maybe we can start it up again but i have zero trust right now and i dont know how he is supposed to fix it. I need some opinions what do you guys think i should do? Will the lying ever stop? Am I overreacting? Should i give him another shot? Are guys just stupid and this is normal?
     
  2. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    2 years, huh? That seems like a long time to still be working out the kinks.

    People often tell white lies to avoid conflict. Instead of looking at his deceits as individual offenses, have you considered your overall compatibility? If he's lying about what he's doing with his friends and whether or not he's on FaceySpace, he's probably not all that invested in a relationship with you.

    Question: How are you catching him in his lies, anyway? Are you stalking him on Reddit? Following his car after work? I'm just curious here.

    If you're doing teh sexy together, it's probably the thing he wants to get back with... since he's not into admitting he's with you to others.

    Yes, guys are stupid. But everybody lies. Sadly, I think it's safe to say that He's Just Not That Into You.

    If he isn't comfortable with you after 700+ days, he's probably never going to be.

    Another possibility is that he has another woman on the side.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  3. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    how i catch him? he will talk about somethin he did a few weeks later and ill say he never mentioned it to me before or ohhh i thought u were doing this instead? then hell say he must of forgot. and the social networks..alotta our friends are really into them and hell talk about it all discreetly but wen i ask him if he has them hell say no but our friends say otherwise wen hes not there. and what do you mean hes not admitting hes with me when hes with others i never said anything like that whered that come from?
     
  4. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    Just throwing inferences. I don't know, rumor has it FaceySpace is where you showcase your significant other of 2 years. More details would help.

    What sites are you calling social networks? And what do you do on these sites? Why does it matter if he's on said sites without you knowing, anyway?

    I've got accounts on a lot of sites. My significant other doesn't care/hasn't bothered to snoop on my comp to find out about SomethingAwful.com.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
  5. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    it was twitter and wen friends told me he had one i looked it up his picture on it was me and him so i dont think he was hiding me
    --- merged: Aug 30, 2012 6:00 AM ---
    it doesnt matter just the fact hes lying about something so stupid bothers me
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 6, 2012
  6. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    So, let's recap: Your issue is that your doofy boyfriend of 2 years (well, now exboyfriend) has been repeatedly caught lying about some of the most petty stuff on the planet. You want to know if this specific activity is normal: I don't think it is. You want to know if lying is normal: I think it is. And you want to know if guys are stupid: They are. You said the guy wants to get back with you. I guess your next move is to decide whether or not you wanna waste your time and energy on someone that can't be straight-up with you about his tweeting habits for whatever ridiculous reason.

    Since you're technically single, maybe you should try dating around (nothing too serious) to see if you can find a guy that doesn't lie about stupid shit.

    I mean, if you're gonna lie about something, make it a deadly sin: Your booze habit. Your porn stash. That bum you killed for fun last spring break.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  7. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    yea i dunno what im gonna do i just dont understand what the hells wrong with him. He knows the only thing i hate is a liar. He seems very upset that i dumped him tho. He deleted it right away begged me not to do it, cried, the works soooo idk. I dont wanna get back together and then a year down the road have it turn into something bigger.
     
  8. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    What was he posting on Twitter that required him deleting the account, anyway?

    I really wanna know. I mean, was it all haiku? Hitting on girls of another race?

    Also: He cried. Men aren't allowed to do that. Consider this guy off limits, lady.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
  9. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    nothing he just did it on his own. lol i know many guys who cry over break ups its not abnormal guys have feelings too​
     
  10. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    Unacceptable male behavior. Staring at the walls and this are the only approved response.

    My honest advice? You need to find a new guy for two reasons: He's a liar. And a crier.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
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  11. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    soooooo you have never cried my friend? to me it shows hes vulnerable and actually cares but to u that just screams pussy?
     
  12. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    Oh, I've cried before. Once. Fatal mistake. It's probably why I'm divorced. But like Dr. Phil says, I have to own my pussy-ness. And I do.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
  13. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    lol i dont know what that means? Why was it a mistake?
     
  14. Plan9

    Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

    Location:
    Earth
    My last three posts weren't meant to be taken seriously.

    Well, even though I'm being serious, you shouldn't be.

    Welcome to TFP.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. howdy99

    howdy99 New Member

    well u are extremely sarcastic then lol and thanks
     
  16. Alistair Eurotrash

    Location:
    Reading, UK
    Yeah, it's time to move on.

    * You are looking out for lies and trying to catch him. This will only get worse.
    * He says that he lies because you'll get mad. Maybe true, may not be. He either knows you and is a pleaser or he doesn't know you. If he's a pleaser and finds it easier to lie than tell you to go fuck yourself if you try and control stuff that doesn't need controlling, it will only get worse. If he doesn't know you, there is nothing there anyway.
    * Judging by your writing style (little punctuation), you are pretty young. You may even prefer texting to speaking to him (pure guess). Either way, neither of you sounds that invested. That isn't a relationship. Start again.
    * Anyone who use Twitter deserves to be tossed to the curb.
    * He cries over a break-up. Those many guys you know who do that? Pussies. Especially if they let the other party know.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  17. Remixer

    Remixer Middle Eastern Doofus

    Location:
    Frankfurt, Germany
    I approve the responses in this thread.
     
  18. if my SO was holding me accountable for every small thing i said or did, id make sure that we werent together anymore.

    how old are you and your now ex-bf
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. mixedmedia

    mixedmedia ...

    Location:
    Florida
    There's also the fact that some people are just compulsive liars.
     
  20. Joniemack

    Joniemack Beta brainwaves in session

    Location:
    Reading, UK
    Oh dear. I wish I knew less about the way relationships are carried out these days than I do. Thanks to my children and my habit of following them on Facebook, I am all too educated on how this shit works.

    He wants to maintain a part of his life separate from yours. Maybe not a big part, maybe just a small place he can call his own. Not unhealthy (especially when young) unless you're married and even then, couples should be allowed their own space. Good relationships will include a level of trust that, within these separate spaces, nothing untoward is occurring.

    For the new and technologically plugged in generation, most of all space is digital. For your bf, Twitter is the roadtrip across state lines to the titty bar with his buddies he doesn't want you to know about. A harmless thing for a young man but the kind of thing young women tend not to understand. Fortunately, the actual roadtrip need not ever be known but the Twitter roadtrip does not go undiscovered for long.

    He's not lying anymore than any other guy, he's just plugged into a venue that ensures he'll get caught so it really only seems as if he's lying more than other guys would.

    If you decide to go back with him, give him some space. Let him have things in his life that you don't need to know about. If he's out there doing something he shouldn't - like cheating on you or doing drugs - something major, you will find out eventually without needing to question him about everything he does along the way.

    Knowing you trust him may eventually lead to him being more trustworthy. Him trusting that you will not blow up or over-react when he tells you something (whether you actually do that or not) will lead to more honesty on his part. He probably lies because he's learned, either from you or in another relationship, that telling the truth leads to confrontation and bad feelings. Avoiding these feelings is his primary motivation for lying rather than a conscious desire to deceive you because he's up to no good.

    Then again, he may be up to no good or have a real problem with compulsive lying that is unlikely to be deterred by the above actions on your part. Time will reveal that. Right now, it doesn't appear to be the case.
     
    • Like Like x 2