Stalking and Harassment

Have you been stalked?
Have you been sexually harassed?
Are you male/female/other?
Do you think that your gender has much to do with your experience?
Has it ever happened in your workplace?
With relatives?
Former lovers?
Have you ever stalked someone?


Share as much or as little as you like.
#metoo

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Yeah. I've been stalked. It was in junior high. I didn't know what it meant then. I went to the library regularly at the same time on the same day every week, and there was always this one guy from my class who was there and who would try to talk to me. He was never with his parents. I usually had a friend with me. It was kinda creepy. Then he started showing up other places... I told him I didn't like him and he stopped. He eventually moved. It was not a fun situation.

I have been sexually harassed. Mainly catcalls. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't like it one bit. Thankfully I haven't ever felt terribly threatened by the people who were harassing me. I mainly was able to laugh it off.

Yes, I absolutely think that my gender has everything to do with this. I'm female. I dress like a librarian and i don't want to attract any sort of attention in this regard.

I have jokingly admitted that I stalked my husband for a few years. It was more like I noticed when he walked into a room and I decided I wanted to be his friend, but I couldn't figure out how to introduce myself. I didn't actively hunt him down, from what I recall. I don't think it was really stalking. Let's see, what is the definition of stalking, anyway? "Pursue or approach stealthily" .... another definition: "follows, harasses, and threatens..." well, that's definitely not the case.

Anyone else want to share their experiences with stalking and harassment? Keep in mind that this is in the "Life and Sexuality" board, so it's not particularly private here. If you'd rather share someplace more private... well, there's the blogs...

 

Have you been stalked?
No, I don't think so.

Have you been sexually harassed?
Yes, though I didn't grasp what it was at the time. When I was 16 I worked at what was probably the nicest restaurant in town, the kind of place where couples would go for a romantic dinner without their kids. I became the "head busser" who would assign each busboy/busgirl their sections for the night and decide who went home early and who worked until close. Several of the servers would tip me extra out of their own money if I'd assign myself to their section, as they knew they'd make more in tips if I was their busser. Most of the servers were females, and most were in their late 20s or early/mid 30s. Though I was 16, I was physically pretty mature. I was 5'10" or 5'11" already and had muscles. I was one of those kids that had chest hair and had to shave by 8th grade. At least two of the female servers, one divorced and one in a frustrating 'dead bedroom' marriage, would do things that would now be considered to be predatory to me and one other bus boy. They'd grab our butts or crotches, make all kinds of lewd comments about what they'd do to us, even make a few suggestive comments that made it sound like they were serious if we'd allow it. If the same thing happened today they could/would probably be fired and arrested. Even then, if it had been a 34yr old man, in a position of authority at a place of employment, grabbing a 16yr old girl's crotch, or whispering in her ear very explicitly what he wanted to do to her, it'd definitely be grounds for criminal and civil consequences. But because of the difference in culture at the time the owner/manager of the restaurant (a female in her late 40s or early 50s who was also slightly flirtatious) knew it was going on and looked the other way.

Are you male/female/other?
Male

Do you think that your gender has much to do with your experience?
Absolutely. I was a good looking young man in a place largely run by older females. If it had been one of the male cooks doing the same thing to one of the female bussers he would've been run out of there, and rightly so.

Has it ever happened in your workplace?
Yes

With relatives?
No

Former lovers?
No

Have you ever stalked someone?
Does riding my bike, in my early teens, by a girl's house to see if she's outside so I can wave at her count? If not, then no.

 

I need to preface this with an admission that from fifteen to eighteen (when I got married) I was a willful and aggressive hyper-sexual girl. By the time my marriage failed and my divorce came through I had hyper-sexual pretty well under control. Willful and aggressive still comes through at times, though. So, I've been on both sides of aggressive sexuality.
Have you been stalked?
A couple of times. One was this guy I knew in college. He was just everywhere I went, and to much so to be just a coincidence. And it seemed like he was always looking at me, but then looked away, would never make eye contact. Never anything threatening, just kind of creepy. Then there was my ex-husband. I'd see him parked in his car, just sitting there watching for me. And he would send me flowers and small gifts. He just wouldn't let go. He'd show up drunk at my little apartment in Emporia, crying and begging.
Have you been sexually harassed?
Well, yes and no. I spent almost three years working the circuit as a stripper. I think that by its nature, the standards for what constitutes harassment in a titty bar have to be pretty loose. First of all, large quantities of alcohol were usually involved. The other dancers and I did things that were intended to tease, cause excitement, and sexual arousal. So if a patrons hand touched my butt while I was motorboating his face with my tits, or when putting a twenty dollar bill in my g-string, that's the nature of the gig. I was there of my own free will and had to take the bad along with the good. And the big cash tips. But I seldom felt disrespected. Was never really groped. Never had my pussy grabbed, ala Donald Trump.
Are you male/female/other?
Female
Do you think that your gender has much to do with your experience?
Yes.
Has it ever happened in your workplace?
See above. Also, when I first started working in the pension fund office in Boston, my boss, the man that hired me, was always looking at my tits. Like he had iron eyes and my boobs were magnets. And trying to pretend that he wasn't. Some sexual innuendo word play, but I'll throw that stuff back and forth all day long. It never went beyond that. The relationship evolved into mentor - mentee. I continue to learn from him. I see him every year at the Berkshire Hathaway shareholders meeting in Omaha. He is a very smart cookie.

With relatives?
I had a brief, short of intercourse, fling with a male second cousin. Looking back at that, I was probably the aggressor.
Former lovers?
I had a FWB relationship with a man in Chicago. I had an overnight AMTRAK layover and he would come to my hotel and we would... He came over one time very drunk, with a friend, wanting a threesome. No dice, baby, I don't do drunks. He was hard to get rid of, kept sending cards and flowers. fortunately, he was a thousand miles away.
Have you ever stalked someone?
Instigated by my cousin Christina. Yes. Maybe. I don't know if it is stalking if the attentions are not unwelcome. A co-worker at a summer job. I was fifteen, he was... much older. He did spurn my attentions for about a month. I've written about him elsewhere on this board.