the free market has never been so free...

Note: This is posted purely from what I see and have experienced in coastal Australia. I havent travelled the world so it may not apply in your city or town.

I've noticed a huge chance in the whole dating game since social media became mainstream a few years ago.

My social media I mean both media such as facebook and twitter, but also online dating/hookups/communities where people have the chance to meet.I can see this has a potential to change the whole structure of dating and relationships. A lot has changed already in the past few years, and I can see vast changes still to occur...

Social media has revolutionised how we meet and 'pick up', especially since the advent of facebook, popularisation of online dating/hookup sites, and of course apps such as Blender (or is it Blendr?). Cyberspace has done away with traditional closed markets for meeting people: your schoolfriends, extended social group, dance classes etc. What this has resulted in, IMO, is giving women access to a wider pool of men to choose and select from.

It could be argued that it has done the same for men, but it seems that attraction doesnt work that way.

On any given day, a average, pretty-ish woman will get lots of friend requests on her facebook, and girls I know get hundreds of emails if they have an online dating page (my female friends can vouch for this). Theres a HUGE surplus of available men actively chasing them. They can selectively filter the best ones and ignore the rest. For guys it isnt the same, apart from the very goodlooking, rich or guys who are 'someone' (business owners, local celebs, djs etc). A lot of average to attractive women can quite easily 'punch above' and sleep with a local level sports star, topless waiter or male model if they are inclined to do so. I don't judge this behaviour in any way and I'm not saying its wrong. However, attraction doesnt happen the other way around, the average twenty something bloke with a job and a normal BMI does not get such opportunity thrown at them in the same way.

This could be the first step in the average guy becoming redundant. Women have more choice, and once again, I'm not judging them in any way for this: They are simply choosing the best deal they can get, in an increasingly large pool of guys that are available to them. If they can spend the night with a local footy star, or casually date the 'local hunk', why would they want average joe officeworker? Until of course, theyre looking at settling down, but that can wait.

A recent survey found that 43% of people had used online dating while in a relationship (Inside Fitness Australia, (3) 2012. Cheating is easier, leading a busy life while having several friends with benefits on the side has never been easier. The fabric of society has changed a LOT in ten years. There are many positives to how the world is changing too, its easier for people with less mainstream tastes to hook up via fetish sites, swinging and open relationships can be researched and located by curious people/couples. A lot more choices are available. This is a good thing. Its never been a better time for the 'haves'. Or a worse time for the 'have nots' or the unattractive male, who can no longer rely on marriage as an institution to protect low-performers (Johnny Soporno).

I notice the changes already. As an average guy: average social status, income level, appearance and fitness, its increasingly hard to meet girls in clubs, or even get attention, against bigger and better looking guys. I haven't changed. Just theres a much higher threshold now for whats considered impressive, now the average guy has to compete with the whole of cyberspace.In 2008, online dating was basicaly a few girls and the proverbial 'nerds' who didnt go out. It still had that stigma about it. Now, its hard to go on oasis/pof etc without seeing someone you know from real life. A few times I've checked out sites like AFF or fuckbook (but I can't be bothered paying 30/month) and seen several girls on there from my town who I know/of. The small, closed markets of society have evolved into one big, open free market where the winner can take all!

Necessity breeds evolution. Guys are having to work harder to have to stand out and succeed. Three years ago, maybe two in ten guys worked out regularly, and I saw many fat or scrawny guys with girlfriends. Now, working out is expected. Large proportions of men are turning to steroids (serious). Working at a gym, I've had many members openly admit to using them, some who are as young as 16. The old aussie beer gut is no longer acceptable, guys are tanning, waxing, shaving, manscaping, to try and get the edge over the next guy. Men can no longer rely on just being a guy, just being there. There is an increasingly free market to compete with, the market of social media, and all the other guys who are there, available, talking to the girl they like, their girlfriend , etc.

This is purely a representation of what I witness in the world around me. My projection is that the market will grow ever freer, and there will be an increasing gap between the haves and have nots . The good side of this is increasing choice for women, and the top 20ish percent of men, with more relationship options and less social taboos. The negative side is increased loneliness and depression from ordinary and sub-ordinary men, who don't have the looks, money or social status to compete. Meanwhile, the fitness and personal development industries will continue to flourish as men try to gain the advantage and move up an increasingly harsh and binary ladder of attraction. It might even resemble the traditional alpha/beta distinction in nature.

Feel free to agree or disagree. If you think this is a load of shit I won't take it personally. Either way things are changing fast..

 

This is very true, and it is causing big problems. Divorce rates are going up because if the wife gets fat or stops putting out, the 40-50 year old successful guy, can now find and impress the 20-30 somethings. Women in their 20s and 30s are so picky on their pages that some say if you don't like cats, don't message me. You also can see their answers to hundreds of personal questions even before messaging them. Some things that in past relationships could have been compromised on, are now deal breakers right off the bat. Big city dating is pretty hopeless for everyone who isn't perfect or has one or two special things to differentiate them from the rest.

But, if you are Justin Beiber or Kate Upton, you can get anybody you want. People throw themselves at them basically.

 

My own personal experience is that sooner or later, a woman that wants a man is going to realize that she'll never land that billionaire-rock star-movie producer and will settle for the bronze medal: a fourth-rate schlub like me!

This is pretty much how I got married, anyway.

SCORE! LOL



(true story.)

 

For people just looking for a hookup, I'd say you're right. I disagree on the idea that it's a new thing, though. People looking for a physical relationship have always gone for people they find attractive and have been able to find attractive people looking for the same thing. For romantic relationships, physical attraction makes it a lot easier to take the first step, but there has to be something more. You're right that it's easier than ever to find the person you're looking for, but consider that you're seeing the world through the lens of someone who works at a gym and is surrounded by people to whom physical health and appearance are very important.

 

That's just HARD.

I agree with your first point, but I like to think we bring SOMETHING extra to the table

 

i've noticd this. in my twenties i had a hell of a time as a guy trying to get women. now at 30 with a decent job and looks i can date more attractive women than i could during college. no age is off limits from 18-40 anyway. it seems the women can be choosy when they are younger, but men get the same to some extent much later. of course i doubt any guy sees hundreds of replies a day on an online dating site like beautifull women do. sometimes i think women just sign up for self confidence.

 

I agree with much that TNH wrote on this subject.

Young men do feel increasing amounts of pressure, through their peers and by being left out of the competition, to pack on muscles, style themselves in certain ways and take up "interesting" hobbies for the sole purpose of attracting women.

I've seen it back in my Kickboxing days, when all my friends and workout buddies were obsessed with getting ripped, some of them taking up steroids to reach their ideal physical goal faster (and I can corroborate TNH's account of how young some steroid users are).

Now I see it through some of my cousins and the younger brothers of friends. The trend seems to be an increasing amount of obsession with their looks, music and other things that are currently "in", simply in order to impress both online and offline.

I do see it as a shame that social pressures keep evolving in these directions, where guys and their personalities become less "natural" and horribly fake for the sake of scoring with their penises.

 

And hopefully not just settling for the "best" provider she can stomach!

 

Nothing significant has changed except the modes of hooking up and yes, possibly the freedom more women have acquired over the past 30 years to choose a mate for the long term benefit of support and security or for less anthropological reasons.

Social media does not change what ultimately attracts us to each other. If physical appearance is what drives us, it's rare that someone on the bottom rung of the attraction ladder is going to get with someone at a rung higher up unless he or she has some contributing factors such as money or an unbelievably stunning personality which the person on the rung up can use as justification for downgrading their standards for physical attractiveness (other things come into play as well, but I'll leave it at that, for now) We are animals who instinctively understand the hierarchy of mating. Access to more men or women does not necessarily improve chances of hooking up with someone above your attraction level. Until you add alcohol, of course. It may improve your chances of hooking up with someone on your own level, however.

 

If you are in a big city, how are you every going to find out if the person has a good personality. People are pretty much invisible and keep to themselves. They would rather check Facebook than talk to a stranger.

If you live in a small town, one of the 20-40 might be interested enough to find out more about you. And if every other guy is a three hour drive away... An average guy might have a chance, and perceived flaws can come out slowly instead of all at once while looking at a Q/A page.

I just want a girlfriend that I can trust enough and be in a stable relationship.

 

What the internet has been beneficial in doing is allowing men and women (even those seeking same sex relationships) to interact with each other prior to a physical meet up. Chatting on line will reveal personality traits up front. I've heard numerous stories of people who have developed relationships online that have lasted for months or years before they ever met up. Once they do meet in person, they are meeting the person they have fallen in love with rather than the person who is overweight or bald or facially unattractive....whatever physical attribute they possess that may have knocked them out of the running previously. Both parties have managed to overcome what normally attracts them to a partner. I find this fascinating and believe it might be a turning point, for the better, in how we choose our partners. Of course, as technology progresses. even this breakthrough is being undermined. With programs like Skype, it's nearly impossible to avoid seeing who you've been communicating with. Still, communicating with others and getting to know who they are prior to bumping uglies is a step in the right direction.

In meatspace, I don't believe that the playing field is all that different in cities than in suburbs or rural areas. The game is the game is the game. Women have a better chance of getting laid then men. If a man is looking for more than simply getting laid, his chances are actually better than the guy who is looking to get laid for the night. Unless of course this same guy is willing to lower his standards and have sex with any girl.

If 20 -30 women in a small town have a small selection of local men to choose from, once upon a time they would have "settled" for one of them because their options were limited. Not anymore, I'm afraid.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

There are people who study this shit their entire lives and still don't have it all figured out. We are complicated.

 

No, no. The chances are still bleak.
Source: Experience.

 

wtf? When I did ....that thing for you, I assumed you were a billionaire rock star movie producer! You just used me!!!

 

I think what we're seeing here is actually a symptom of men being seen as lacking any inherent worth or value compared to women, thus men who do not have some kind of outside value added because of incredible looks, celebrity status, or wealth are effectively disposable.