The Official "Ask Plan9" Thread

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The Official "Ask Plan9" Thread​

Hello, sexy people of TFP.

My name is Plan9 (the man, the myth, the smoothspot) and I've got what you all so desperately crave: answers.

I am a Dr. of Dumbassitry—a duke of doggerel dispensing regal retard repartee—and I am, in fact, here to party.

Let me respond to your miscellaneous queries, both mystical and mundane.

My chunky wisdom is set to soothe your weary soul.

My extra chromosome, sure to amuse.

My Edit button is on fire.

Hit me.

 

Have you ever seen the original Plan 9 From Outer Space movie? The whole thing from beginning to end? More than once?

How about the movie Ed Wood, which, among other things, portrays the making of Plan 9?

 

Hey, I'm supposed to solve your problems, not talk about mine.

Mmm, I don't bother updating TFP regarding my work schedule because it keeps things fresh--a mystery. Kinda like how women will occasionally wear sexy underwear to work and tell their husband all about it on their lunch break.

Or, uh, maybe like how your wife will run off to Vegas for a few weeks, not call you the whole time and then come back and do you so nasty you don't even bother to question it.

Yeah, that.

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I have. My current username was actually stolen from another TFPer from way back. Plan 9 was also the name of original record label of The Misfits.

I haven't seen Ed Wood yet but I watched the trailer a few years ago and it is on one of my Watch This lists, next to some other Classic Shit (TM) B films.

Related: If you enjoy B movies, the next logical step is Mystery Science Theater 3000... a show where three guys make fun of classic flops. Seriously funny stuff and available on YooT00b.

 

You know what my problem is. Tell me the solution.

 

Conversation is the answer, the solution is more posting. You've clearly got both hands and a ten pound scrotum on this whole posting-stuff-the-right-way thing and that leading-by-example is the best way to get things started.

It is obvious that you have a lot to share with the community and can frame it in a way that appeals to others. Channel your spirit animal--Dr. Phil--to help bring about the change this community so desperately needs: activity.

 

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow? Crap, Cinna beat me to that in the last thread ;.;

Who's the fairest of them all?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could drop acid?

Hypothetically, if you had to dig a 10 foot deep hole to bury some... things... in, would you recommend a spade shovel or a square shovel?

 

Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? What the hell?

Why are apartments all stuck together?

Why do birds.....suddenly appear....every time.....you are near?

 

What?

 

im not asking you shit

isnt this thread supposed to be for the real Guru (@baraka_guru )around here?... ok so maybe that was a question...

 

Serious question: How do apartments in a building keep from losing water-pressure when more than one apartment is using the water at the same time?

 

With God, all things are possible.

 

You mean like sex toys? Not this last one, but the one before that was bright orange and she accidentally left it on the coffee table when I had some friends over.

Awkward. Lesson to learn? You have to CSI detail your house for sex toys, errant underwear and such before you invite company to dinner.

I had a few glasses of sparkling wine motherfuckin' champagne on the return flight. It was a'ight.

The Famous Grouse and Diet Coke shenanigans shall commence later tonight, I do believe.

I'm more of a Star Wars guy myself (Han shot first), but both are equally great ways to dry out all the ladies around you.

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If this was the military, I'd have you doing monkey-fucker burpees right now. Just because.

Noomi Rapace vs.Rooney Mara for the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?

They're both incredibly hot but but I tend to see Rooney as a more realistic portrayal of the character Lisbeth Salander.

Drugs are bad, m'kay? Reality should be mind-altering enough for any woodchuck. Or human. If you're doing drugs to escape reality, you're not doing reality right.

Consult the manual: US Army 5-34 (Engineer Field Data)

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Oh, Mr. Garfield of Baskin-Robbins assistant manager fame? That guy? I like his stuff, generally speaking, because I can relate to middle class white suffering.

Musician: Black Flag is fantastic angry speed trash punk rock and sets the standard for noise as art. They're definitely not Operation Ivy, though.
Writer: His books are pretty good but remind me a lot of the journal of an angry emo teenager. A lot of awkward, painful stuff.
Spoken Word: His spoken word stuff is pretty good--animated and poignant--but he's no Eddie Izzard.
Actor: Watching him get his ass beat in Heat is a great way to cheer yourself up.

The rest? He's just another C-list emo kid that takes himself way too seriously.

I'm jealous.

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See: Butterfly

It's just another case of the man trying to keep a brother down.

They circle the weak and dying.

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I totally have a picture of you snorting that I should post here.

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Check out the tiny "Relevant" link at the top of the quote.

And I love you, too. It's been so long, Lish... so long.

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You've got a solid chin, so I'd recommend going with a mohawk of some sort. Liberty spikes, centurion broom, whatever catches your fancy.

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You shouldn't use your penis as a sledgehammer. It's like using a screwdriver as a pry bar: just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Your question is ridiculous and has me wondering what the female equiv would be. I'm sure Pam from Archer would have the answer to it.

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Easy. Each apartment has its own wooly mammoth located in a utility closet with a large cask of water that is refilled via pelican. These tireless beasts provide water on demand to each individual unit.

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Yes, yes... it is how Jesus was crucified. The evil, aroused Romans hammered his wrist/foot spikes using their turgid members.

 

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW--YOU DON'T EVEN REALIZE.

Stocks. Lots of stocks. Only adults are so foolish as to give a bunch of you-can-touch-it money to a stranger in exchange for a capricious ether cloud.

I don't recommend any investment plan that involves pacing late at night.

Related: @ChrisJericho is probably a magician.

 

Joke's on you, I can only do one of those things.

Seriously. Burpees are hard, and monkeys are plentiful.

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Where do you get the ideas for all of your avatars?