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Think only a woman can answer this one

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by soreNutSac, Aug 11, 2017.

  1. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    I started seeing a BDSM Mistresse. She is very professional and no sexual intercourse ever happened. However you could say the sessions are sexually charged (had minor ejaculations). If my wife ever finds out i'm seeing BDSM Mistress do you think she will find it:

    A - Much less worst than seeing a conventional escort

    B - Less worst than seeing a conventional escort

    C - As worst than seeing a conventional escort

    D - Worst than seeing a conventional escort

    E - Much worst than seeing a conventional escort
     
  2. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    There's only one woman who can answer that question accurately. And if my experience with TFP tells me anything, most responses are going to suggest you communicate with her.
     
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    • Agree Agree x 2
  3. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    I already kind of let her know about my fetish and ask her to try it once but she did not like it at all. For me it's very important that both side fully and all heartedly enjoy that kind of activity. I waited a very long time for her to offer but she never did. I know she definitely will not be ok with me seeing a Mistress.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    Sounds like you know the answer to your question then?
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    Not quite, trying to find out how badly (on average) a woman would react. There are no sexual intercourse but i guess it's still kind of cheating. What do you think?
     
  6. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Good god man ask her! What the fuck are you asking the internet for you married her. I will say as a woman if I had a partner that lied his ass off, or her ass off for that matter, that relationship would be headed to therapy or to an end. I do not respect liars at all.
     
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  7. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    I see your point. Just hope she accept it somehow. If she knows about it and tolerates it that would remove a great deal of guilt during sessions and i could enjoy them even more. Else looks like we will have to make a choice but realizing it's the only way to go forward.

    Any recommendations on how to bring up the subject? Just kidding... ;) Will figure it out.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    @soreNutSac Honestly just respect her enough to talk with her. :) It is true her reaction may not be desirable, but you are in this together, at least for now. Asking her what she thinks works and does not work in your intimate relationship might give you some good insight into where she stands.

    Maybe the answer is it to open up your relationship so you each can have what you need, though there are pitfalls with that path and honesty and Safety must be foremost to both of you. Maybe this relationship has run its course and neither of you are happy anymore. If those things are true then that will be scary territory I'm sure. No matter what though you don't sound happy, and I'm willing to bet she isn't either. I do wish you the best, and am hopeful that you two will the path that is best for you both.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    If you are wondering how the females here would act, I think the question in the OP is worded poorly.




    That sounds like you are asking them how your wife would react. You've said already how she'd react.

    The problem here is that you are basically lying to her by omission. People here at TFP are pretty open to almost anyone's life choices. They typically don't have much support for lying, or even poor communication. Step one is honest communication.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  10. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    If you have to hide it from her its bad.... its not worth it... communication is the key (just like @Borla said. there is no reason why you should hide things from her.

    To answer your question if shes anything like my wife she will be pissed the fuck off. not only for hiding it from her and not telling her the truth but also for possibly spending funds on it that could be used for other things.
     
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  11. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    An emotional affair is still considered an affair by some.

    You are going to have to depend on the unnegative reaction, patience and understanding of your wife.
    No guarantee there.

    It's not the sex, or the BDSM or otherwise
    It's the betrayal of trust.

    See in a relationship...
    You want to know which way is up
     
    • Like Like x 3
  12. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    I would be livid.
    All trust would be lost and the relationship would be over.
     
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  13. Lindy

    Lindy Very Tilted Donor

    Location:
    Nebraska
    I think it's important for a husband and wife to be on the same page when it comes to sexual expectations and tolerance. It sounds to me like you and your wife aren't even in the same book, let alone on the same page.

    If it were me, I would be asking around about divorce lawyers.
     
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  14. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    Thanks every one fore your input. Hope this makes sense i had a few but not too much : ) At this point i know what i have to tell her. i let my wife know before we got married 14 years ago i had this fetish but never truly experience it back then. I thought (and probably my wife to) that it would go away. It's kind of something that start by gently taping your shoulder and end up bashing your shoulder after a while. But don't worry i'm not the dramatic type, it's just how it is. I only started seeing a Mistress 9 months ago and had two sessions. It ignited a part of me that i can no-longer ignore and it's something my better half cannot provide. So i realize thee are only two outcomes and will find-out soon enough witch direction has been reserved for us.

    p.s: forgot to mention... the last 14 years has been great! Now is the test of time : )
     
  15. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    I wish you both luck as you progress together or separately. Very glad you're going to fess up to her and go toward a more honest relationship.

    Sent from my LG-K540 using Tapatalk
     
    • Like Like x 3
  16. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Actually, if you describe it to her as a need
    And something not destructive, then she may consider allowing it. (And forgive past transgressions)

    But then you'd have to agree to let her explore and have her own adventures.

    That and you'd have to make sure to budget for your need and not go overboard.

    Again, it's about trust and the fact you're in it together. And both acknowledge and agree to any situation.

    There is a chance that she'll not go for it.
    But you need to allow her that option.
    Consent is the key.
     
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  17. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    @rogue49 I was thinking exactly that last night. The fact that i already had two sessions under the table will not help. But on the other hand i will be able to explain to her much better how the sessions are done. I already asked the Mistress and she would not mind if my wife witness a session. I think that if my wife know the sessions are open to her it will reassure her. And totally agree. Putting it as a need (which is exactly that) may help a great deal for my wife to accept or tolerate my fetish.

    I would have no problem letting my wife explore her fetishes, especially if i cannot fulfil them. I asked her a few times what her fetishes are but she only mentioned arm-pits. LOL ok easy enough! So i let her do what ever she wants with my arm-pits ; ) Really original and funny what she comes up with sometimes.

    Thanks again for your good tips and thanks everyone. Think i'm starting to know how to bring it to my wife in a respectful way that she may understand. I no longer think it's a lost cause : )
     
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  18. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Nothing is a lost cause as long as you communicate

    Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk
     
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  19. soreNutSac

    soreNutSac Vertical

    Location:
    Canada, Ottawa
    Could have been worst but also could have been better but still not sure where she stands. Can't imagine how i could have better bring the news to her. Started to ask her what was her special fetish. Same old armpits... nothing else. Did not say that to her but COME ON, everyone has those special fireworks that just can't wait to be lit. Even asked her out of desperation if doing it with a fireman in 0 gravity might be one of them. Well my crowbar broke trying to pry it out of her so i'm starting to believe she has nothing else than an armpit fetish. Just like 14 years ago SM is not her thing. Mentioned that i could no longer ignore that fetish and that i visited a professional Mistress. She took it very well surprisingly, more that i could have ever imagine! Thought we were out of the wood but as soon i told her i would visit that Mistress again (and that she can witness the session if she like too) she suddenly stop talking. Asked her how she feels about all this... no answer. Felt it was time to drop it and let her sleep on it. First thing i know she's snoring. Well, at least that is a good sign. But not sure if she will still make my sandwich tomorrow morning however.

    So, on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is perfectly fine) how would you rate this relation-ship? Will try to sleep what’s left of the night an look the stats tomorrow evening ;)

    Thanks everyone for your insights it really helped, hope i will have better news tomorrow!
     
  20. Wildmermaid

    Wildmermaid Very Tilted

    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Your lucky she reacted like that and hopefully you'll consult her in the future as regards your kink. Also, she may not know if or what her fetishes, kinks are yet or it that is even a topic she would like to explore with you. Oh and make your own fucking sandwich.
     
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