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Where have all the ladies gone?????

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by Lindy, Aug 15, 2018.

  1. Lindy

    Lindy Very Tilted Donor


    Or, maybe more to the point would be Why have all the ladies gone?

    I did a quick (and probably not perfectly accurate) survey of TFP posts in July and posts by males outnumbered posts by females by 308 to 41.
    I know that this has always , as I remember, and my first post was in 2003 0r 2004, been the case.
    Bus posting by women just seems to keep diminishing.
    And nothing against the male gender or the men that do post here, but, what gives?

    I haven't don't any kind of a count, but in going through posts from even a couple of years ago there were a lot more women around.

    @snowy , @CinnamonGirl , @ZombieSquirrel . @mixedmedia, @Fangirl, @girldetective @amonkie @PonyPotato @Katia, @RedSneaker

    Where are you, and why don't you come around anymore?
    • Like Like x 1
  2. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there! Donor

    I’m a guy, and I don’t know the answer, but the ladies are indeed missed.
    • Agree Agree x 2
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  3. Japchae

    Japchae Very Tilted

    Life happens.
    • Like Like x 3
  4. michaelyoni64 New Member

    Probably Facebook.

    Sent from my GT-N7105 using Tapatalk
  5. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Personally, I would suggest another ladies’ lounge
    Seemed to work and give some discretion
    Yes, it deviates from the equal notion
    But I’ve observed that ladies like their focused areas
    On the board and IRL

    Correct me if I’m wrong.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  6. I can't remember the exact misogynistic and/or racist post that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me....but that's basically what happened. I only came back because I got an email that someone mentioned me...

    A ladies lounge won't help....

    Also, it's kind of boring here anymore, and the people who I liked the most aren't here anymore for various reasons. Then people who I absolutely can't stand and tire of reading their blatant lies put the nails on my coffin.

    so yeah...reasons....and life.
    --- Double Post Merged, Aug 15, 2018, Original Post Date: Aug 15, 2018 ---
    And because it's been awhile Fuck @Borla

    He sucks. His head is probably astronomically larger since I've left.
    • Like Like x 3
    • Lovely Lovely x 1
  7. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member Donor

    What a sweet talker. She knows just how to make my day.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. PonyPotato

    PonyPotato Very Tilted

    Reno, NV
    I left because of some unfortunate PMs I received as a result of meeting a couple of our male members one on one. Apparently meeting for a drink because we share mutual friends and you are an online acquaintance who happens to be in my city and I want to show you some friendly hospitality means I’m interested? Yeah, no.

    I came back recently because I wanted to see what this place has become. A lot of the same, but minus many of the women. And some of the women who remain also tend to make some misogynistic comments here and there or “side with the guys,” so it’s not very appealing to return and share my thoughts. I wish you all well, though.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Informative Informative x 1
  9. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Okay, then LL won’t work, just an idea.
    But our staff does take an active and concerned role

    So if someone is interacting IRL incorrectly
    A mention can be made, so we can determine if there’s an issue.

    Same goes for misogynistic statements, we may be able to address certain tones or words.

    We’re trying to strike a balance
    Free speech and all that
    But also making others aware when something is taken the wrong way.

    Having ladies comfortable here and safe is in our own best interest.

    So I’d say, try again and if you have issues,
    Say something
    I think the staff is progressive enough.

    But if it’s just topics, then there’s only so much we can do.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  10. Lindy

    Lindy Very Tilted Donor

    Yeah, I've gotten ''hit on" by a couple of guys (no longer on the board) in private conversations and even gotten a couple of PMs with dick pictures. Not cool at all.
    I hope it wasn't me making misogynistic comments. If so, I would hope that some one would call me on it.
    Thanks, @PonyPotato for your considered response.
    • Like Like x 1
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  11. PonyPotato

    PonyPotato Very Tilted

    Reno, NV
    Unfortunately, that only works when the staff members are NOT the ones behaving badly. My most negative experience here was with a staff member. The second most negative was also with a staff member.

    I came here and stuck around because initially, this space seemed like a more "evolved" place to discuss life, politics, etc. and up front, it is. People are respectful and fairly open-minded. It's behind closed doors that it's the "same old same old" that has sent me away from other online communities. I never came here to get hit on, lured into connecting on other sites/spaces, or sent inappropriate photos or messages. I came here to get away from that. I posted in exhibition because the comments made in "public" on the board are kind and positive. The ones made in private messages tend to cross a line, which is obviously WHY they are in private messages vs. in the open.

    I still check this place out largely to catch up with what's going on in some people's lives via the blogs. I enjoy @genuinemommy's writing. I feel that the blogs here are much more honest about life than facebook, and I appreciate that. Now that I am working full time, plus a part time job, plus trying to keep my house from falling down and keep my relationship alive.. I honestly don't have enough time to participate in this space in a meaningful way, anyway. It's sporadic. I am completely occupied both physically and mentally by my work, and there isn't enough left of me for much else.
    • Like Like x 2
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  12. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    I have been inundated with life.

    I used to log into my computer each day and make a new thread or two. Come up with new conversation starters every day, and that was an excellent exercise for me. But now that I am 24/7 with my children, I do not have that down time. I am lucky if I can devote a tenth of the time that I used to spend on this board to my two online courses that I teach primarily from my phone from the McDonald's play place or the park around the corner that happens to have wifi, or the picnic table while juggling craft sticks and goofly eyes and helping a 3 year old apply glue...

    I do feel guilty about my relative inactivity. I have mentioned this guilt several times to staff and they just encourage me to give what I can and it's ok.

    Over the years I have taken the skills that this place taught me and improved my life. I finished my undergrad. I went to graduate school. I earned a PhD. I am teaching online... These things would have been out of my reach if it were not for the support of this community. I love it here. But I also need to focus on my every day reality.

    Some day I will be able to spend more time here. Today isn't it. But I do try to keep up with the blogs, and occasionally start a new thread when the idea hits.

    I haven't felt pushed away. I have always felt welcomed. I haven't been harassed or bothered by people here. I do enjoy meeting up with the friends that I have made here. I hope that others will hop in and take up the activity that I once maintained here. It would be fun to see that level of action. But as it stands this place is still a place I learn and grow.

    So, thanks for still being here.
    • Like Like x 3
  13. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Actually, that’s the thing that’s affecting the activity overall.
    Real life obligations and distractions
    And the volume of media now available and ubiquitous (including FB)

    So there’s that...life happens
    And there’s only so much time and mind in the day (my own issue)

    I do know I come here to express myself in ways I cannot on FB and otherwise (I love it)
    But the other places still takes away some from my posts here still
    For instance, a pointless announcement I would do here I put up somewhere else

    Why would you wanna put a thought in your head down twice or more??
    Our board’s activities were much more prevalent when there was less out there to compete for time and attention.

    But the point here is not only to increase participation overall but for our female population
    What would draw you here???

    Frankly, most of the people I’ve invited here have been women...they try it out, then they fade.
    Not because they said they didn’t like it
    Nor anything wrong or uncomfortable happens (I’ll followup on that, btw...it’s important)
    But just because it didn’t keep their interest.

    Is this because there’s not enough female replies??
    Or is this because there’s not enough female topics?
    Or all of the above...everything a factor.

    What can be done to increase our female participation and interest??
    • Like Like x 1
  14. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    I have other places that are exclusively female. Women tend to be drawn to "safe" spaces online without any men at all. The problem with the LL concept as it has been presented in the past is that men can see it. They shouldn't.
  15. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    @genuinemommy I was never able to see the LL. but I only tried to look once.

    @PonyPotato and @Lindy First of all let me say that I am very deeply sorry for the experience that you had in a PM with some of the members. I know that It was not me or and I had nothing to do with any of it but it makes me mad that those things happened to yall. I hope that those members and /or admins are not here anymore.

    @ZombieSquirrel I may have made some of those kind of remarks over the years, with that said im very sorry for that. I know that may have been other things and or people.

    with everything said, yes I do miss the ladies. I miss their comments, input, pictures, and everything they have done and continue to do for out little bit of the internet. I always thought that this was a "safe place" for everyone, but you never really think about what happens in PM's. I love this place, its my internet home where I can be me and not judged. I hoped that everyone else can be the same. Please come back ladies. Your presence is missed.

    I love yall!!
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
  16. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass Donor

    I feel bad about this, I've seen some of the misogynistic posts and just chose to hit the back button rather than confront them.

    Perhaps it's an age or generational thing; but I can't come up with any reason I'd send a dick picture to anyone that hadn't seen it in person already. Even then, not likely.
    • Like Like x 2
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  17. Herculite

    Herculite Slightly Tilted

    Yes women must be protected by men from men who say things women don't like.

    Often times what "misogynistic" is simply a different opinion. Sending dick pictures unsolicited is one thing, but simply saying something that wasn't "nice" about women or some women, is another.

    I've been called some pretty harsh things in the past on this board when it was more populated, hell I was even called a spy of some sorts and enemy of the people by one long time user.


    I think there are fundamental differences between men and women that make men attracted to this kind of discourse and women less so. This ratio between men and women is pretty much seen on every forum unless that forum is 100% women specific.

    I personally think its tied to the differences in male and female aggression, and debate can be a form of aggression. Its perhaps counter intuitive as the general observation is that men fight directly and physically while women fight with words,( gossip, reputation, manipulation of peers and that form) so it would seem to fit better into a forum but I don't think that sort of thing translates well to online debate.

    Men sort of duke it out, often point by point until posts are dissecting each line someone says and rebutting it. Its a sparing match of sorts. I almost never see female posts, and by almost I mean I never have but I'm sure some must, in such a manner and they seem to bow out of such discussions very quickly.

    And thats ok.

    Places such as this are far easier to turn into sparing matches than social interaction. Online is basically cold and impersonal. We anonymously go on with our lives when we log off, there isn't any interaction beyond here.

    I wish more women were into that sort of thing, I'd enjoy it, I like different perspectives, but if the only way to get them is to somehow "protect them" from hearing what they don't want to hear, we really arn't having a discussion.
    • Like Like x 1
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  18. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Fairly direct @Herculite but I respectfully disagree

    I don’t think they need protection at all
    I’ve been here when there were quite few ladies with opinions and strong words and wills to back them up. (They’re still here, probably just not as active)
    I know I’ve gotten into lengthy debates with them.

    And certain men can be quiet and simply observe.

    However the dynamic, rhythms and interests of women may be different. Which is why I suggested the LL because of the volume difference that you’ve observed. The majority tends to dominate and sometimes overwhelm as would occur on those sites that are mostly women.
    They can be just as pressuring as men can.
    The LL would just gives some breathing room and focus, in my opinion.

    And the staff would address (and has) women who’ve harassed or been inappropriate with men.
    We’re pretty even overall the full history of the TFP
    With all sides having occurrences with all sides.
    It just fluxes one way or another periodically.
    We attempt to protect everyone and anyone.
    (However, we do need members to alert our attention to any concern and not just go...it doesn’t help us correct it...we’re not omniscient)

    So the question is...
    How do we bring back more women?
    And have them participate more?

    IMHO, knowing this board, more women will mean more volume and activity over all. Because the active members want to hear all perspectives and discuss them. More begets more. Variety begets variety.

    Personally, I prefer to light all fires.
    The light and fire brings the attention.
    This is another fire to light...a significant and valuable one.

    Again, any suggestions???
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass Donor

    Women on this board do not need my or anyone's "protection". However, there is a degree of complicity and assumed agreement when there is minimal dissension from some really awful posts.

    I don't agree with this. I pick my fights very carefully. I don't have the time, energy, or inclination to fight every battle. Even when I choose to engage, arguments on the internet are generally pointless. I have a personal 3 post limit on contentious topics. If I can't make my point in 3 posts, it's hopeless.

    For the most part, I deal with offensive discussions by using the back button. Seems that many women deal with it by not returning. That would seem to be the issue at hand.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  20. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    I have a really dumb question......

    when said members crossed the dotted line was it reported and if so what was said?
    • Like Like x 1