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Old 06-21-2010, 12:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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I'm Comic Sans, Asshole

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comic Sans
Listen up. I know the shit you've been saying behind my back. You think I'm stupid. You think I'm immature. You think I'm a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I'm Comic Sans, and I'm the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.

You don't like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don't like that I'm all over your sister-in-law's blog? You don't like that I'm on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I'm pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don't all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can't all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I'm standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.

People love me. Why? Because I'm fun. I'm the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business' website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.

When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I'm banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I'm shredding "Reign In Blood" on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I'm racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who'll kill me if I don't cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.

It doesn't even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I'm famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I'm in your signs. I'm in your browsers. I'm in your instant messengers. I'm not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.

Enough of this bullshit. I'm gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.

Timothy Sweeney
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Old 06-21-2010, 12:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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All that's missing is, "If you was from where I was from...you'd be fucking dead!"
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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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Old 06-21-2010, 12:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
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Location: Oregon
This is great.

I admit I had many of these thoughts every time my curriculum professor would hand out something. She LOVED Comic Sans. Ugh.
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Old 06-21-2010, 01:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
Young Crumudgeon
 
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Pfft. Comic Sans is for soccer moms and kindergarten teachers and that one overweight lady in every office with too much make-up and a horrifyingly shrill laugh.
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Old 06-21-2010, 01:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Martian View Post
Pfft. Comic Sans is for soccer moms and kindergarten teachers and that one overweight lady in every office with too much make-up and a horrifyingly shrill laugh.
Boink!

I saw what you did there!
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 06-21-2010, 01:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Motherbitches don't know nothing 'bout me.
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Old 06-21-2010, 01:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
Young Crumudgeon
 
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Location: Canada
Fuck yo' Comic Sans.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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Old 06-21-2010, 01:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Did anyone read this thread title as:
"I'm comic, sans asshole?"

I thought this was another smooth-spot issue.
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Old 06-21-2010, 01:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Martian,

We can't play this game if you are incapable of recognizing Courier New.

Your pal,

Plan9
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Old 06-21-2010, 02:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
Une petite chou
 
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Location: With All Your Base
Verdana kicks all your collective asses, suckas.
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Quote:
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Old 06-21-2010, 02:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Oh, guys, by the way: Helvetica called; she wants you to stop printing that copycat bitch Arial.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 06-21-2010, 02:41 PM   #12 (permalink)
Young Crumudgeon
 
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Location: Canada
I recognize Courier New. Courier New is not the enemy. Comic Sans is.
__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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Old 06-21-2010, 02:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ring View Post
Did anyone read this thread title as:
"I'm comic, sans asshole?"

I thought this was another smooth-spot issue.
Yeah, I did.
Q: Why does the comedian spew shit from his mouth?
A: Because he's a comic sans asshole.

Lindy
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by martian View Post
i recognize courier new. Courier new is not the enemy. comic sans is.
Don't you get all Ransom on me, young man.
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Slightly off topic, but people discover the Tilted Forum Project in a lot of different ways. A font search was what led me to TFP. Six or seven years ago I was Googling for a headline font called Forum Title.
LTC Forum Title? font family MyFonts
My fumble fingers led me to Tilted Forum instead.

Lindy
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:29 PM   #16 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Apparently most people these days seem to find TFP doing searches for bizarre how-to shit or crazy sex questions.
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:41 PM   #17 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
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I will be over here drinking my high priced latte and listening to Deerhoof on my iPhone. Let me know when you are finished kicking sand in comic sans face so I can blog about it.
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