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Old 03-26-2006, 09:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Mothers as guilty as Fathers in sexual abuse?

In recent times I have read at other forums, etc by a number of individuals, where there has been sexual abuse in the home i.e. fathers sexually abusing their young children.

One place had where the mother posted, and mentioned her husband was interfering with her young son. She "wants to get out of the marriage, but can't" ...

Others are posts where the children who were abused by their fathers, tell us that their mothers were aware of what was going on, but choose to stay with their husbands and tell the kids not to say anything ...

One young girl (whose parents are still together) actually said that her dad deserves a second chance etc etc . For what!?? To continue abusing the children?

Besides being horrified and appalled by these stories, my thoughts are that the mother is as guilty as the father of sexual abuse and that both should be locked up and the key thrown away.

What are your thoughts?

Why do women allow this happen? Why do they stay?
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Old 03-26-2006, 09:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Denial. How hard would it be for you to find out that someone you fell in love with, married, and then had children with is an active pedophile? Good lord! That is possibly on of the worst things to happen to someone. Most of why it is allowed to continue is in the denial of those who should know. Beyond that, we move into fear and self preservation. It could also be culural.

Edit: I should mention that it's not always the bio father, but most of the time it is someone in the immediate family/circle of friends. Anyone from an uncle to a sunday school teacher to a very close neighbor could be in this group.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I say they're almost as guilty as the person doing the crimes, however-

Say she reports it. What are her options?

Even if she already works, is it enough to support the kids by herself if dad is thrown in jail? Are the kids too young to be working without having a baby-sitter? The ridicule, shame, and loss of trust/friendships, having everyone know your husband went to jail for molesting your children? In that time, you need support more than ever... and it would be difficult to find that help with that info made public (literally).

If she doesn't work, can she think of a way to support her kids? What if we're talking about a family with two relatively young children?

Will dad be given a light sentence, and become a (possibly violent) threat to the family when released?

If she reports it, and dad goes away forever, then she's admitting to herself that she loved a pedophile all those years- that the person she's loved with all her heart would do that... and that's a very painful thing to have to come to grips with. Also, she's going to think about how she can possibly take care of her kids. Will there be enough food? Can she keep clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads? Unfortunately, government assistance doesn't always kick in like it needs to, and some people are left without options.

So she has the fate of these two kids' lives on her conscience... can you imagine having to live with yourself, knowing what you permitted? The best denial in the world will still leave you a mentally tortured person. Also, you run the very real risk of putting their chances of a "better future" into the realm of near-impossible. Especially if you're in a relatively small town.

Everyone wants a good life for their kids. They usually want a "better" life than they had- more financial security, a more comfortable livelihood without the same hardships they faced. This is why so many single parents work themselves to the absolute bone, putting their kids through school and trying desperately to save for college...

It's easy to say one way or the other, but the decisions made are often the result of traumatic psychological stress... and denial is often the remainder of the mental breakdown that occurs.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yeah, this situation seems similar to battered wife's syndrome as in the excuse-making and denial it seems to make.

I think that if women realize that it is happening, but don't do anything to prevent it, they start becoming accessories to child molestation or what have you. That doesn't mean they aren't also victims.

I think Willravel touched on why they stay. Admitting that someone you trusted so much was so twisted seems to be really hard for some to do. People who have a prediliction to molest might also be drawn to people they can emotionally blackmail like that. I've heard stories of molestors and rapists having their wife as a helper and accomplice who lures victims to the attacker.
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Old 03-26-2006, 11:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I figure if you are being battered its up to you whether you put up with it or not but if someone else -espeicially a child is being hurt or abused there is no choice it must be reported and it must be stopped. I dont care how much the female has to lose, what about the innocence of a child ? Sometimes no excuse is good enough, there is no excuse for child abuse.
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Old 03-27-2006, 12:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hmm...I'm gonna agree and disagree with you guys here. The mother has a responisbility to her children and if the father is sexually abusing them, then she needs to step in and say "No, you can't do that", even if she's being dominated in some way.

It's kind of tricky situation
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