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Old 03-29-2006, 12:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Getting paid to have your sack fondled

A friend of mine at uni is quite into lifting weights and consequently, he’s a fucking meat axe. However, lifting ridiculously heavy weights has its downside in that it can result in hernia and you guessed it, my friend developed one of the scrotal variety. Now the emergence of the hernia isn’t the funny part of the story, the funny part is that he used it to make money in a manner that I regard to be a subtle form of prostitution.

Last week he got an examination at the UTAS doctor’s surgery. Upon consultation, the doctor asked if he’d be comfortable in having 60-something fourth year medical students examining his sack over the course of a three hour period. The doctor further added that there’d be $200 bucks involved. Being the starving, poor and shameless motherfucker he is, he agreed.

The next week, he shaved his junk and went to the Royal Hobart Hospital for the three hours of relentless molestation. It pretty much all went without a hitch while he stood there getting his balls cupped and fondled by various men and women of various ethnicities. However, then came the hot Italian chick and the subsequent thought of her handling his junk. This resulted in a half erection which he fought with nobility and righteousness by biting of his tongue until it bled.

The end.

So guys, has anyone here slutted out their body to science?

Last edited by bing bing; 03-29-2006 at 01:04 PM..
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Old 03-29-2006, 12:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I haven't but that made me laugh.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Toronto
Ha, ha. Nope.

I understand that drug trials often require very strict dietary regimens and can take quite a toll. No thanks.

"Meat Axe?"
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Originally Posted by fresnelly
Ha, ha. Nope.

I understand that drug trials often require very strict dietary regimens and can take quite a toll. No thanks.

"Meat Axe?"
A meat axe is a any dude with a dorito shaped back and muscles that are ridiculously big.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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the psych department and med school at my alma mater used to pay poor starving students to be guinea pigs for all sorts of testing of stuff... I had a roommate who was a guinea pig for one battery of tests -- and was truly disturbing listening to her in the bathroom at the colors she happened to be peeing... I really didn't want to know that... I always thought it was just easier to get a job
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It wasn't at all sexual (unfortunately), but one time I did a series of experiments designed to test the effects of caffeine on cardio-vascular activity. I'd take some pills, wait a bit, then cycle on a stationary bike until exhaustion.

The only link between my situation and bing bing'sfriend is that I'd often wait a couple of hours until biking, during which I got to watch movies. One of the movies I watched was "Saving Private Ryan." If you are familiar with some of the variations on this title, then you'll quickly see what it has to do with a finely shorn scrotum.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town
Not exactly, but....

Long ago in my teens, some company that had hired me sent me to a doctor's office for an employee physical. He has me strip down to my briefs, pokes and prods me. Then to finish up, he gives me the Ishihara colorblindness test, which consists of trying to discern numbers in several pages of colored circles. I failed miserably on about half of them. He got excited and called in _all_ the nurses, assistants, and I think everybody except the receptionist (all female, of course) so they could watch a truly colorblind, skinny, shy, 19-year-old male in his underpants fail the Ishihara test over and over again.

And I didn't even get paid.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
Getting it.
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Location: Lion City
I once went to a dermatologist to get a mole removed.

He offered to do it for free if he could snap a picture of my junk. Saved myself $150 bucks.
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Was the mole anywhere near your junk?

It would be a funnier story if the mole was on your face or back.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
Getting it.
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It was in my armpit... seriously.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Do you have extra junk under your arm?

*hugs Charlatan until there is a happy ending
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well, this thread was funny until Giant Hamburger made it weird.

Last edited by Carno; 03-29-2006 at 01:48 PM..
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Uh, Charlie, please tell me that there was a scientific purpose for the junk pictures, and you didn't actually get worked over by a molesting dermatologist...

My story:

I have a good buddy Simon. Simon went to the University of Manitoba, located in Winnipeg. For those in the know, back me up a bit here : Winnipeg is a fucking cold place in the Winter. Fellow Canucks actually say "Holy Fuck it's cold out there" when we travel to Winnipeg.

Simon was a starving student, and saw a poster in the commons offering $100 bucks an HOUR to participate in medical research. You had to be physically fit, and the medical exam and health questionaire got you $100 for just applying! Holy shit.

Simon shows up, fills out the paperwork and gets naked. The doc comes in and gives him a thorough exam. "You are an excellent candidate."

"What is the research, doc?" Simon said, wondering if he was going to be shot out of a cannon or play chess with a super smart monkey.

"Hypothermia research."

"Ouch. Yeah, what the fuck, I need the money."

And so it went. He spent 8 hours on a Friday getting dunked in freezing water, then pulled out and warmed up.

The first trial was a baseline trial. You sit in an ice bath until you start to shake violently (stage 2 hypothermia, btw). They take you out, towel you off, and let you sit naked in a room at room temperature. He had thermometers all over his body, one down his throat and one up his ass. It took about 10 minutes for him to get fucked up in the "Chamber-O-Shivers", and about 45 minutes for him to warm up again. There were all kinds of machines, staff running back and forth, all different stuff.

Then back into the ice bath, stage 2, and this time he got a blanket!
Then back into the ice bath, stage 2, and now he got a fan with warm air blown on him!
Then back in the ice bath, stage 2, and now he got a heated arm thingy, so the heat started at the extremities.
And so on, so forth.

At the end of the day, they paid him in cash ($800 bucks, two months rent!) and thanked him for all of his hard work. He walked home without a coat on. It was the middle of January. "I just didn't feel cold any more..." was his reply when his roommate screamed at him.

Then a funny thing happened... The research team called back.

It seems that he was the only person to ever get through all day. Others quit after only a couple of hours, and with Simon going through all of the tests gave very valuable data to the physiology project. The team lead (a PhD post-doc, I find out later) phoned some colleagues in Europe and the U.S., and told them about Simon. His international counterparts would like to do some tests as well. Is Simon interested in further research?

Simon said "Still $100 bucks an hour?"

Yes, the team lead said.

Simon said "I want to watch movies this time. Can you set up a TV and VCR for me to watch?"

We can arrange that, the researcher replied.

"When do we start?"

So over the next 3 months, he spent his Fridays with electrodes all over him, up his ass and down his throat, freezing his balls off and watching movies.

The last set of tests he was in, the team asked if he would be willing to go to stage 3 hypothermia. Yeah, you read that right. Almost dead. Well, not quite. The researcher would administer opiates into the system once stage 2 hypothermia occurred, and his breathing and heartrate would slow down, and he would stop shivering. This would simulate stage 3, but if anything bad happened, they just shoot Narcan into him to get him out of it. All very safe, all very scientific.

Simon said "Still $100 bucks an hour?"

Yes, came the reply.

So here he was, drugged and sitting in a bathtub full of ice, little beeping machines all around him, and he got $100 bucks an hour. Tax free. Cash. Anonymous under the table.

He was buying the drinks, and living the high life. He paid his student loans off, and got a really expensive set of downhill skis. We were all jealous.

And he got a really cool plaque with a picture of a Polar Bear with ice on his nose. It was signed by the researchers involved. He found out later that he made the New England and British Journals of Medicine. Big deal, I suppose.

And he rarely wears a jacket in the winter. All these years later. "I just don't feel the cold." People look at him like he is nuts.

Which he is, of course.
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Old 03-29-2006, 01:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
Originally Posted by Charlatan
I once went to a dermatologist to get a mole removed.

He offered to do it for free if he could snap a picture of my junk. Saved myself $150 bucks.
...you prostituted out a pic of your junk for a mole removal? How the hell did THAT conversation go?? lol
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:01 PM   #15 (permalink)
Getting it.
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Location: Lion City
I was actually there to have some work done on my junk. I asked about the mole. He was facinated by my piercing (this was in 1993). He asked if he could take a picture for teaching purposes. Offered to remove a the mole in exchance for a couple of pictures.

The best part was when he asked if I minded if his wife posed with me.

(edit: and holy fuck it's cold in Winnipeg!)
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:05 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: Connecticut
I sold plasma and blood regularly in college. Beer money
less I say, smarter I am
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:11 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Location: Chicago
I once got paid $50 to run on a treadmill for an hour while blindfolded and with white noise earphones on by a psychology student while I was an undergrad. I had to go for a 10 mile run anyway (ended it up outside when I was done). The worst part was the usual lack of air movement around the treadmill that I get anyway, not the sensory deprivation part. I think that I threw off the curve since I was the only one to get farther than 30 minutes. Then again, I was the only one on the XC team in the study.

Whatever, it was a month's worth of beer regardless.
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
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How has nobody commented on BigBen's story... as per usual, your story telling skills are perfect for funny stories. I've always dealt well with cold... but not THAT well. Yikes!
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by xepherys
How has nobody commented on BigBen's story... as per usual, your story telling skills are perfect for funny stories. I've always dealt well with cold... but not THAT well. Yikes!
I'm waiting for the book of his stories that he better be publishing soon...
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by maleficent
I'm waiting for the book of his stories that he better be publishing soon...
Yeah, I would also purchase such a book. It'd be a great coffee table reader...
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:36 PM   #21 (permalink)
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When BigBen writes his book, can I write the intro?
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Old 03-29-2006, 02:51 PM   #22 (permalink)
lol, no human experiments for me yet, plenty of time. lol
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:16 PM   #23 (permalink)
Extreme moderation
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Location: Kansas City, yo.
I've never "slutted my body out to science". I don't know whether it is because I don't have any shame or because I am willing to do lots of things for money, but I'd love to do any paid experiments that didn't involve drugs going into my body.

Good stories, kids.
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:24 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA
Originally Posted by clavus
When BigBen writes his book, can I write the intro?
And provide the necessary illustrations!
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:29 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Location: L.A. L.A. land
Originally Posted by meembo
I sold plasma and blood regularly in college. Beer money
I tried real hard to do this in college, but was told my veins weren't big enough.

It got so tight one semester that I kicked around the idea of selling my body (once dead) for medical research. I was discussing this with my biology professor, and when the conversation lulled, I figured it was time to move on to my next class. Apparently he was just deep in thought, 'cause when I got about 50 feet away or so, he shouted out to me,
"If you do ever sell your bady, let me know!"

I guess they didn't pay biology professors very well, and he was considering taking the same action, but that's *not* what that comment sounded like to all the other people nearby!
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:34 PM   #26 (permalink)
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I don't get paid for it, but I have to do at least 5 hours of psychological testing to get credit for my psyc class. Either that or write 5 research papers. I suppose once I get them done in the next month I'll let you guys know what I got tested on and all of that.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:35 PM   #27 (permalink)
Getting it.
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"If you do ever sell your body, let me know!"

"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:37 PM   #28 (permalink)
Yes, a few times. One time was for chemo treatments that covered all of the treatment plus any complications that resulted. I wasn't paid for it, but they covered >$1 million in medical expenses, so it wasn't too bad.
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No goddamn slave
I will be different"
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Old 03-29-2006, 04:18 PM   #29 (permalink)
Location: Melbourne, Australia
BigBen's story is far superior to mine.
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Old 03-29-2006, 04:18 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Location: Ellay
Let's see here... Not dead, and not >$1 million in debt...

I'd say you came out ahead on that one spec!
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Old 03-29-2006, 05:00 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Location: Denver
For $100 an hour and to become desensitized to cold I'd put myself through hypothermia research too. And yes, Winnipeg (a.k.a. "Winterpeg") is Fucking Cold(tm) in the winter. Sadly, I've never had the opportunity to visit Winnipeg or become a scientific research slut.
"There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb
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Old 03-29-2006, 05:41 PM   #32 (permalink)
It's a girly girl!
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Location: OH, USA
I've used to sell plasma, but my wife won't let me anymore, she has a virus that I'm immunized against, but she still doesn't think it'd be safe I'm an at home dad and it could give me some oversight free spending money, life sucks...
"There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need
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Old 03-29-2006, 06:21 PM   #33 (permalink)
An embarrassment to myself and those around me...
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Location: Pants
I was once a guinea pig for a study looking at the effects of lycopene (the stuff that makes tomatoes red) on males. It was a preliminary thing that looked at blood levels and how long it stays in our body to get data before they tried it in prostate cancer patients.

The first 48 hours were the worst, had to spend them in the hospital getting blood drawn initially every 15 minutes, then by the end it was every few hours. The diet was terrible because we couldn't have anything with lycopene or lycopene like stuff in it initally and so they overloaded us on calories to try to compensate. They doubled my daily intake from my diet diary I kept beforehand, which was like 1800...so I had to eat 3600 calories of terrible, terrible hospital food.

By the end of the 48 hours I was sure it was not a lycopene study but rather a study to see how much food we could choke down before we vomited.

After those two days it was much better, and I only couldn't eat anything with tomatoes in it for 4 weeks, keep a diet log like 2x a week and get blood drawn every few days. At the end I got $500 cash. I felt it was well worth it, but if you had asked me when I was in those first 2 days...ugh.
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Old 03-29-2006, 06:40 PM   #34 (permalink)
Location: VT
Where can I find places to donate plasma, and where can I find listings for "guinea pigs" needed for scientific purposes? I've been looking around and I can't find much. I'm looking for things around the area of Burlington, Vermont.
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Old 03-29-2006, 07:50 PM   #35 (permalink)
is a tiger
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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
For all you poor college/university students out there.

"How to sell your body for cash"


In literature, men foolishly sell parts of themselves they can't afford. Goethe's Faust sells his soul for the same thing Wagner's Wotan gives up his eye for, which is the same prize for which Adam surrenders his innocence: knowledge. Self-destruction is the inevitable result. Damn, omniscience is costly!

Why sell something unrecoverable of yours in exchange for silly abstractions when your body already produces a host of renewable cash cows? Truth is, the modern world offers men various ways to prostitute their body and its resources, and most of them won't leave you feeling desperate for a fix and a shower.

Being a sperm donor takes two basic male desires -- orgasms and money -- and, in a seemingly "too good to be true" moment, combines them. That said, sperm banks hold to exceptionally high standards: The extensive, multi-layered screening process eliminates about 95% of us.

To begin, you typically have to be between 18 and 35 and in solid health. Then, prepare to expose your family tree to a thorough, honest dissection, going back two generations. You'll be asked about tattoos, drug use, experimental sex, your grandma's TB, your uncle's alcoholism, and your mother's schizoid episodes.

If invited in, you'll be given a sterile cup and offered "aides" in the form of movies or magazines or both; just don't count on a hand job from the hottie at the front desk. You'll be instructed not to use a lubricant, as it can contaminate the "specimen" (or load, or wad, whichever you care to call it). Your boys will then be tested for everything from the obvious (sperm count) to the unexpected (forward momentum), and that's just for starters.

If accepted as a donor, you'll earn between $50 to $200 per specimen. You'll be expected to rub one out into their cups two to three times per week and make a commitment to the program that lasts six months or longer depending on the policies of the clinic. Because they need a consistently potent specimen, you'll have to abstain from having an orgasm anywhere but at the clinic; and yes, they'll know if you're cheating on them.

Sperm banks can be found in almost every major city but because of discretion, they aren't always easy to locate. You can try a Yellow Pages search for "sperm banks" or "cryobanks" in your area, or there are websites such as SpermBanker.com that operate as information clearing houses.

Whole blood can be donated every 56 days. Considering the overwhelming need for blood around the world, it's unfortunate that only about 5% of healthy donors actually give. The largest blood collection association in the world, the Red Cross, doesn't pay for blood because they've found that altruistic donors are also the safest ones. Though, this doesn't mean your blood isn't lucrative.

What's in your blood and how can you sell it?

Plasma is the liquid portion of your blood, which furnishes it with the right proteins for clotting and is used to help hemophiliacs, among other patients. It is the most common purchased portion of your blood.

Once you hook up with a collection center, you'll go in for an initial screening. Don't worry, the screening process won't be nearly as intrusive as the ones you'll find at sperm banks.

The process to remove your plasma is known as apheresis selective blood donation. One needle goes in each arm; your blood then passes through a sterile separator, removes the plasma, and returns the rest to your body via the other arm. It takes about 90 minutes, and the staff will typically provide you with a diversion such as a movie to watch. At most, you can sell your plasma every 48 hours. It's this process of returning your plasma-free blood to your body that allows for such frequent return visits.

You'll earn around $35 per visit; generally it starts on the low end and goes up as you become a regular.

There are literally hundreds of for-profit plasma collection centers across North America. Check the Yellow Pages under "blood" or "blood centers" and give whomever you find a call; if they aren't buying, they'll know who is.

Another less profitable component of your blood is your platelets; little cell fragments that clot your blood when you've got an open wound. Cancer and transplant patients, to name a few, need your platelets to survive.

The entire process is nearly identical to selling your plasma: An initial screening followed by the double-needle apheresis, which, again, takes from 90 minutes to two hours. You could stand to earn as much as $50 per visit, but you can only go 24 times per year, or about every two weeks.

As with plasma, platelet collection centers abound, so follow the simple instructions under plasma.

Modern-day Samsons out there, take note: Your long, flowing locks are worth money. You may need a good 10 inches of it, but the better the condition -- meaning you don't smoke and you take decent care of it -- the more you stand to earn.

The approximate going rate is $5 to $10 per ounce, but some people are selling their hair for $400 or more. You can sell it on eBay, post it on HairSite.com or call your local wig or toupee makers.

Clinical trials
Trials for a multitude of drugs go on all the time, and they can be extremely profitable. For an outstanding, thorough breakdown of these trials, check out Richard Steven's article on the subject and if you're game -- and I urge you to think it over -- check into CenterWatch.com, a reputable Internet clearing house for such trials.

In North America it's illegal to sell a kidney. This isn't to say people haven't tried; recently someone tried to hawk their kidney on eBay, only to have it pulled by the site -- but not before the price reached epic proportions. There's good reason for this: At this moment, at least a million people worldwide need a kidney, and quickly.

Selling yourself to the female sex...

In some other areas of the world you can sell a kidney, but it's typically legal only in nations where you may not want to go under the knife in the first place. In addition, statistics show that the huge majority of kidney peddlers regret it. Still, when you stand to earn anywhere from $5,000 to $25,000 for surrendering one of these, it isn't hard to see why people do it.

Going gigolo
You've always known you had a way with the ladies. Now's your chance to prove it: go gigolo.

Minus finding a street pimp -- an option that I won't dignify -- you have two choices: Join an escort service or become an independent contractor. Naturally the latter is more difficult; you may have to advertise, make subtle and discreet business cards (no, I'm not kidding), cruise the hotel bars and peddle your bad self to lonely ladies. Whether they say so or not, escort services often operate on the fringes of legality, and this has everything to do with the sexual aspect. It's no different for the independent contractor; it's all cool and legit until you accept money for sex.

Otherwise, you'll be expected to be nothing short of a modern-day Renaissance man. You'll need to converse on art and architecture, speak a couple languages, follow current events, and know what women are really like and what they want better than any other man you know. Unlike a female prostitute -- and I have to make the comparison here -- sex is not a foregone conclusion. More often than not your role is as eye candy, a companion and brilliant conversationalist. And anyway, let's face facts: Sex may be the last thing on your wish list when you consider the potential clientele -- these people are not supermodels.

Depending on your skills and your reputation, one night as a gigolo can net you a wide range of fees; from a couple hundred dollars into the thousands. Check your Yellow Pages under "Escorts" or go solo and see what the competition is up to on Gigolo.com.
Never tried any of this myself. Maybe I should sell my blood. Hell, I do it for free now and then, maybe I should get paid for it while i'm at it.
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Old 03-29-2006, 08:15 PM   #36 (permalink)
Chicken scratch.
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Location: Japan!!!
Bing bing and Big Ben,

Those stories made me laugh my ass off. You guys rock.
One, two, three, four, fiiiiiiiifth.
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Old 03-29-2006, 08:57 PM   #37 (permalink)
Searching for the perfect brew!
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Wonderful story Ben, I really got a kick out of it. Charlatan yours made me laugh. Thanks for sharing your stories everyone!
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"
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Old 03-29-2006, 09:57 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Location: AWOL in Edmonton
I took part in a several month red blood cell study, back when I was athletic. I willingly sold huge amounts of blood. For food. Alright, it was cases of Powerbars and other nutritional suplements and technically was volunteer work with consideration. But the basic idea was blood for food.

They took blood at the start of the training season. Then a week later. Then every three days as I started training hard. Not a little blood, but several vials worth. Not like a red cross donation, but way more than a diabetic sample either.

But that wasn't bad. It was when I started doing some construction work and serious training at Fortress Mountain. The researchers were intrigued about the change in elevation (Calgary, at about 1000-1100 m (3500 feet), Fortress, at 2000m+ (7250+)). I would train in the morning, work all afternoon, then go back to my room at Fortress, exhausted, to find out that someone was waiting to take my blood. And I'd never know when. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes a week passed.

My part in the study ended shortly after I greeted one of the researchers, who had driven out from Calgary to take a sample by saying "When are you fucking vampires going to leave me alone?".

It didn't take me long to learn to hate needles. Also, when you are in thinner air and over training, you already feel lightheaded. Then they take your blood. Fucking vampires.
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Old 03-30-2006, 04:09 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Location: South Carolina
This si just a followup for Ben's wonderful post again.

First, a preface: In 7th grade, some kids made fun of my winter coat in school bc i wore the same one i wore in 6th grade, which is, apparently, a big nono. So, after that day, i never wore a jacket to school (not hard to do in SC, but it still gets to about 20F during winters).

Now, in the 10th grade, i was in marching band and we went to goose creek to play in a football game, no biggie bc the marching band uniforms were wool and very warm. I didn't learn until that afternoon that we were not dressing for the game bc the whole band wasn't going and we were just going to be playing in the stands...No biggie for me, except for the fact i was in jeans and a t-shirt.

Well, yeah, it snowed during the game and i'm in probably stage 2 hypothermia (violently shaking) while my friends try to keep my fingers warm. I'm trying every meditative technique i can just to finish out hte 2 hrs at 25F with snow coming down while playing a sax.

I got home, everyone told me i was going to be sick, etc, but I didn't even catch a headcold from it. Other part: After that, nothing really felt as cold anymore. I can't go out in 20 degree weather in a t-shirt w/otu shivering, but it doesn't physically "hurt" anymore.

Not as interesting as Ben's friend, but it's still pretty amazing at what can change people.

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Old 03-30-2006, 06:55 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Elphaba
And provide the necessary illustrations!
Absolutely. Clavus has to do the illustrations.

Hey Clavus, how are you at drawing really drunk people?

There would be lots of illustrations like that.
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
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