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Old 06-20-2006, 11:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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What's the worst thing you've ever done?

My junior year in highschool I went to a vocational school for an animal husbandry program. There were differen't stations were you would be rotated to through-out the year to learn to work in the animal care business. They were grooming, vet tech, animal laboratory, small business management(pet shop), and farming.

When I was stationed in the animal lab, you would care for all the animals that one might might find in a testing lab, and learn how to track their stats. We had rats, mice, gerbils, hamsters, rabbits. Probobly a few other types to. Some times the animal population would become over crowded, and would need to be controlled. on one such occasion, my teacher told me to gather up all of the babies, and put them in zip lock bags, and put them in the freezer. He said that they would not feel any pain that way,just go to sleep. My other option was to poke them through the back of the skull,which I never could have done. Once they were dead they would go to an orginization that cared for injured, large predatory birds, such as hawks and vultures.

I did not want to do this, but I had to, or I would have gotten kicked out of the program, and lost a year of highschool. Some people would not think that what I did was that bad, but to me It stands to be the thing in my life that I feel most guilty for doing. Mainly because I felt that it was wrong, but did it anyway for self promotion. I am spiritual, and believe in judgement, and I feel that one day, when I am being judged for my sins, that this will be the first on the list.


Thanks for listening, as this is a way to purge my self. If anyone else feels like sharing, whats the worst thing you've ever done?

In the eyes of the law, I'm positive I have done many other things that would be considered unlawful/wrong. But thats not not what this thread is about. If you murdered someone, please keep it to yourself
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Old 06-20-2006, 12:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Personally, I haven't done anything that was too shameful in my life, but it is therapeutic to purge the soul. I'll share an experience think about from time to time that makes me feel guilty.

When I was just a young kid, maybe 10 or 11, I was playing pick-up pond hockey with a bunch of guys my age. There was one kid who was playing goalie, not wearing any pads, so lifting the puck was against the rules. He wasn't a very good skater, but for some reason I could never get the puck by him, and it was starting to frustrate me. During the game I shot the puck at him again, and he saved it, but fell down in front of the goal, and the puck rebounded back to me. My next decision was really stupid. He was obviously in a vulnerable position and I could tell by the look on his face that he knew it, but I took a hard wrist shot that hit him right in the mouth. I don't remember much after that, but he was helped off the ice, and I'm sure he lost a couple of teeth (not to mention blood). His family was not very well off, so I don't know if he ever got much dental care. I don't remember ever seeing him around the pond much or anywhere around school after that. I always wonder if I hurt more than just his mouth with my careless act.

Anywhoo, I managed to make better decisions about my actions since then, I guess, since I never hurt anyone too badly after that.

BTW, I also worked in a lab that used test animals..mostly rats. I never had to personally kill any, but I always felt a little guilty about being a party to it.
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Old 06-20-2006, 12:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Keeping these skeletons in the closet sounds like a brilliant idea.

Everything is relative; including regret, sorrow, pain, fear and remorse.

This is a pretty bold thread, and while I appreciate the openness here at TFP, I don't think I will be walking down this path. There are some things best left to the past.

Will I be judged for my actions? Yes.
Will I be found wanting? I hope not.

The worst thing. There are things I have done that I think are worse than murder. Who is to say what the WORST thing is?

What if my worst thing turns out to be a day-in-the-life of another member on this board? (oh, come on, you know I am talking about you)

ps: I consider killing animals enjoyable sport. I have no concern putting lab animals to humane death. Your worst thing is relatively tame to me. I guess that lends credit to my argument.
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Old 06-20-2006, 12:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The worst thing I have ever done...

I was in a relationship with a guy and it was totally unhealthy for me. The guy was a total asshole and a horrible boyfriend. Yet for some reason I could not get away from him! Even after moving down to school early and taking a two-week break from each other, we gravitated back together like magnets, and he started talking about getting back together (we'd done that several times by that point). So, wanting to be with him, I invited him to attend a party that some friends of mine were hosting. It was a big beginning-of-the-school-year bonanza with a bunch of friends I had made that were outside his sphere of influence (I had lost a lot of friends to him).

I walked in the door with him and the first thing I heard was, "OH MY GOD! S. BROKE THE TABLE!" My first thought was: Whoa, someone's already drunk--and who the fuck is S.? I look over to see this really adorable guy with this cute curly hair kind of slumped over on the couch. My friend Paul points him out and explains that's he's so-and-so's friend and a freshman. I am totally, completely smitten--despite the fact that my sort-of boyfriend is standing right next to me.

So I went wild. I was with good friends, friends who really cared for me, and I just went crazy! I got drunk, I flashed people, I made out with girls. Eventually sort-of boyfriend decided he'd had enough of it and split.

The party ended up lasting more or less all weekend--because some of us got together the next night after the football game and decided we wanted to hang some more. S. and I ended up hooking up, and I ended up taking him back to my place so he could crash. The same thing happened the next night.

Meanwhile, my sort-of boyfriend tried to get ahold of me. I came home from classes on Monday to several voicemails on phone and cellphone and several messages on AIM. He wanted to talk about it. My attitude was--what is there to talk about?

He came over to talk to me in person after I finally consented, and I was just a complete and total bitch. I told him I didn't care, I'd found something better, and that S. could do things for me that he couldn't. He asked if I wanted to be with S. more, and I said that yes, that was the case. He left in tears.

While it is the worst thing I've ever done, I don't feel bad about it, not one bit. And that wasn't even the last I saw of that bastard, unfortunately.

Strangely enough...S. is now my best friend, four years later!
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Old 06-20-2006, 01:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The worst thing I have ever done was to be influenced by sociopathic "outsider" artist types and commercial media into thinking that I was a unique rebel who who thinks, talks, and acts like a "cool" or "hip" or "alternative" or "edgy" (and so on) person - as defined by others. I bought the same nonsense - hook line and sinker - that I see the overwhelming majority of young people - in fact peopleof every age - buying - especially ones who think they are most unique - because they are so much like anti-heros they wish they were.

All this absurd behavior resulted in my being a soft-headed, romantic, self-involved, and hypocritical big baby for my entire adolescence and for the extended post-adolesence that contemporary society fosters in just about everyone. For me that was until I was about 35.
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Old 06-20-2006, 01:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
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ARTelevision- I have been reading some of your post's, and I really enjoy what you have to say. You seem so wise, and I thank you for sharing some of that with me!
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Old 06-20-2006, 01:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm still doing it. I'll get back to ya if it's worse doing it to myself or someone else.
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Old 06-20-2006, 08:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I used to be a thief.

When I was a lil kid, I used to volunteer at the "Snack Shack" that was on the town's local soccer field. It was just a place that sold candy to all the kids and parents during soccer games. They made a lot of money. I stole about $200 one day. That wasn't the whole of it though.

When my mom came to pick me up, I told her that I had found $80 on the ground. I did this to cover for the inevitable occurence when she would notice the large influx of comic books that would follow. She saw RIGHT through this, of course. With tears in my eyes, I walked up to the snack shack and handed the money to some random volunteer and ran away.

I still had $120 though, and I spent it all on stupid shit that I never used. Mom never found out.

I'm not sure what it was, but I was traumatized by this. I never stole anything ever again.
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Old 06-20-2006, 09:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
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When I was a junior in highschool, I met this 20 year-old named Marie at the local video arcade. Anyway, one thing progressed to another and I ended up following her home that night. Nothing happened, of course, but this was a regular occurance. Nearly every day I would be at her house hanging out and what-not. I knew she had feelings for me (She told me so), but I just ignored her advances and usually changed the subject. Well, one night we went to the park to play basketball, and afterwards we went for a late-night stroll on the boardwalk. It was then that she started kissing me. I knew I didn't have any feelings for her (In all honesty, it felt like kissing my sister), but I kissed her back. Well, one thing led to another and she ended up giving me oral. I didn't really enjoy it very much, because I didn't have any feelings for her. She wanted to have sex on the boardwalk but, luckily, we didn't have any protection. So she just continued with the oral. I ended up stopping her while she was in the middle with the excuse that I had to go home because I had a test in the morning.

Anyway, I went home that night and I felt so bad for leading her on and not putting a stop to things. She ended up calling me the next day and wanted me to come over, but I made up the excuse that I had to babysit and that I would call her later. I never did. I felt really bad about it, but I didn't have the guts to tell her that I didn't like her as she liked me-- Especially after what happened the night before. After a few weeks passed of me not calling her, she finally called me and asked me what was going on. I don't really remember what I said, but it was the last time I ever talked to her, as I had her number blocked after that.

That might not be too bad, but it's the only thing I've ever done that I've ever felt bad about. I've prided myself on being a nice guy, but that just ate me alive for the longest.
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Old 06-20-2006, 10:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Oh man, is it confession time again? I thought we already had one of these threads.. sigh.

Well, I've already confessed one of the worst things I've ever done (to myself), in the other thread. The whole blacking out and losing my virginity in New Orleans trip... yeah.

Probably the next worst thing was what I did to someone else, once. There was this guy R, who was in love with me our first two years in college... and to whom I had absolutely no physical attraction, but I could really "see myself marrying" (go figure; I was a clusterfucked evangelical back then). He was the "godliest" person I knew, and I respected no one more than him. My problem was that I never wanted to kiss him... I just wasn't attracted, but kept trying to make myself like him. I suppose, in today's terms, he was my cuddle bitch.

In any case, he told me his feelings towards the end of that school year... at a Starbuck's near campus (one of our hangouts). I still remember the amazing things he said to me, about me, across that table at Starbuck's. I had never heard anyone talk like that to me before, with such sincerity and honesty and true attraction. He truly was the kindest person I had ever met... but I felt nothing for him other than friendship.

And I had to tell him that, to his face... and tell him that I didn't want to date anyone before leaving that summer (I was going to Thailand for 2.5 months). I left there, parked my car at my dorm, and cried for a long time. I felt so awful for not reciprocating, especially because I had been in an unrequited love situation myself, not too long before that. I hated having to do that to another human being.

You'd think that was the worst part. No. During that same quarter, I developed a crush on this hot guy on my crew team (P)... and I REALLY wanted to kiss him (I was 18 and had never kissed anyone before)! The feelings ended up being mutual and P asked me on a date just before I was to leave for Thailand for 2.5 months that summer. I told one of my close friends about it, but that was it.

A day or two after the date, R drives like an hour to my place to say goodbye (even though I've just broken his heart a bit) the night before I leave for Thailand. We sit and talk, and then my aunt barges in and says, "How was the date with P?", totally oblivious to the fact that R is sitting there, still nursing his heart, especially after I had told him I "didn't want to date anyone before leaving."

I deny the whole thing, say, "What are you talking about, dear aunt??? You must be thinking of that... uh, other niece of yours [the one who doesn't fucking LIE to nice people]." I was totally freaked out, backed into a corner, was trying to protect both myself and R's feelings (somehow). We pretended like it was all fine, but it felt awkward and R left shortly afterward.

My close friend calls me, the one I had told about the date with P... and tells me that she mentioned the whole thing to R earlier (she thought R already knew, apparently). So that WHOLE time, R knew that I was lying to him... and he never said a word. He just left the house. I told my dad about it immediately, and he told me to call R *NOW* and apologize. I did so, as soon as R got back home... but it was awful. R said he forgave me, but I knew he resented me for the next 1.5-2 years. I felt so very awful, even though I ended up with P and didn't regret that happening.

Eventually, things got back to normal with me and R. P and I broke up after about a year, and R ended up with his first girlfriend.. nearly got engaged to her (she turned him down). He went through that heartbreak and went on to be a great elementary school teacher. And as far as I know, he was single for the past 6 years up until this spring. He met a wonderful girl and got engaged, and included me in the group e-mail announcement about that.

I felt honored that he would let me know... I still feel guilty, sometimes, for lying so very painfully to him that one time, even though I was just 18 and had no clue what I was doing, emotionally/relationally. But I am glad he is happy now, and found someone who truly loves him and is attracted to him. And ever since that moment, I have sworn that I will not lie again, not even to try and "protect" someone's feelings... because essentially, it comes down to selfishness and protecting ME from getting hurt. Which doesn't work.
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Old 06-20-2006, 11:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
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i dated this super sweet stagehand for three months, then dumped him and went with a former SO. Except the super sweet guy didn't process that i had broken up with him, called me a cheat, and went on to destroy his life with alcoholism. i tried very hard to patch things up, to try and be friends or reach out to him somehow that would convince him to stop drinking and start living. he misinterpreted things, thought i was interested in a relationship, and raped me to try and show me that he was a tough "manly man". needless to say, it didn't work. i felt horrible for messing with his mind, and still do. probably always will. i know i've mentioned this elsewhere on the board. oh well. a year later, no news on how the alcoholic is healing. still dealing with the scars myself.

lesson learned: don't tell someone you love them when you might be interested in someone else. and don't throw yourself into denial over an existing relationship when you think the love might not be reciprocated.
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Old 06-21-2006, 04:41 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBen
Everything is relative; including regret, sorrow, pain, fear and remorse.

This is a pretty bold thread, and while I appreciate the openness here at TFP, I don't think I will be walking down this path. There are some things best left to the past.
I agree. While it may be good to "purge" the soul...some things truly are best left in the past. Suffice it to say that there are some dark corners in my past. Some very dark corners. Things that would curl your toes and keep you up at night. There are people whose lives will never be the same because thier paths crossed mine. That is not me...now. Although I will never be able to make amends...I have, for the most part, made my peace.

Every single one of us has regrets. Things in our lives that, at best, we are not very proud of. It is what we do with those things that make us who we are...now. Some metaphorical skeletons, like thier literal counterparts, are just best left buried.
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Old 06-21-2006, 04:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights
I Some metaphorical skeletons, like thier literal counterparts, are just best left buried.
And that... is the reason why I will never run for public office... what's in the past should stay there...
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Old 06-21-2006, 04:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
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A couple of things come to mind....

When I was 13. The church I was going to was remodeling and was holding their service in a school. One week I got up in the middle of the service to go to the bathroom. Nobody was around. The next week I did the same thing, this time I ventured into the kitchen. I saw the money from the offering and grabbed a handful. I think it was about thirty dollars and a few checks. The next week I went to do the same, but their was three or four guys hanging around the area. Following week same thing. Figured they knew, so never tried again.

On my first deployemnt in the Navy, on our second port call we went to Palma De Mallorca, Spain. Stoped into a strip joint, yeah right. Girl sat down to ask me to buy her a drink. grab my leg and worked them magical digits up and up and up. Horny as shit she asked me to fuck. I convinced myself that a BJ would not be as bad. I felt like shit it was over, first and last time I cheated on my wife or any future woman that I will have a relationship with.

'Bout five years ago when my daughter was four. She either did something or said something that really pissed me off. I smacked her, and gave her a bloody lip. Never did that again.
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Old 06-21-2006, 05:01 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Oh man, unfortunatly there is way too much stuff horrible thing I have done in my past and to me they are all as bad as an other... I had mental issue back then, still have a bit, but I am now in control of them... personality disorder issues... And well few years back when I was not in control, I did some cruel things to others and myself (SH)... I will regrets every acts I did back then for the rest of my life, even tho I was quite ill and never intented any of them... Not too sure, I want to state any in here either, I am afraid people would judge me on those acts, when I am no longer the person I used to be...
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Old 06-21-2006, 05:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 06-21-2006, 08:36 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Lets see, skeletons in my closet, I don’t think I have any left, I just made soup… humor aside, back in 5th grade, I got in a fight with someone, he started it with a sucker punch to the my back, but I ended it with smashing his face into a cinderblock wall, it sent him to the ER to get the bleeding to stop. I felt so bad, I got really depressed for years, I swore off violence, and stopped standing up for my self, I became passive and submissive, I never raised my fist since, it’s been over a decade since that day. I’ve been over it for a couple of years; I’ve found a happy medium between standing up for my self while still avoiding conflict. And I play enough violent video games to relax me when things get tough.
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Old 06-21-2006, 08:50 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBen
Everything is relative; including regret, sorrow, pain, fear and remorse.
Yep. Profound thought, bro.

It boggles my mind that some of you have non-issues weighing you down with guilt. That said, I can't say it's not understandable to feel the way you do... just less fun.

I'm pretty good about not doing anything that would make me feel guilty - I think my honesty kick might be from the fact that when I was younger I sometimes lied and discovered that I am a really good liar and I didn't like the guilt feelings failing to follow my own moral code gives. Nowadays, I don't ever feel guilt about anything, and I almost never lie, so it's moot.
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Old 06-21-2006, 10:01 AM   #19 (permalink)
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It took a couple days before I even looked at this thread. And was never going to respond with the intention of posting anything more than "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die." I'm in BigBen and Bill O'Rights corner, some things are better left in the past and forgotten about. But I think I'll share something, and I hope this lass isn't a member of the TFP...

So I was dating this girl back in college for a few months. She was Really into me, I wasn't so much into her. After a couple weeks of not wanting to be in the relationship anymore I was thinking of a way to end it when she came to my place in tears. She told me how her grandfather just died and how sad she was. I was trying to console her when she asked me if I wanted to be with her anymore. I figured that my opportunity had just presented itself and so I took it and told her "No, not really." So she started to cry some more, but got her self together and left. As she left I said, "if you ever need anything, I'm here for you." I don't know why I said that. I obviously wasn't going to be, hell, I wasn't even there for her then.

So there you have it. WHile its not the worst thing I've ever done, I dumped a girl right after she told me her grandfather died. Man, I'm a dick.
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Old 06-21-2006, 10:09 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevo
Man, I'm a dick.
Well, We knew that.
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Old 06-21-2006, 10:15 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Well, We knew that.
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Old 06-21-2006, 10:30 AM   #22 (permalink)
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There was a kid in HS that I used to give a rash of shit to. He always seemed to just take it and to me that made him an easy target. A few years ago he told my wife that he went to school with me and that I was the meanest person he ever knew then and that I made his life miserable. At that time I rationalized and convinced myself that what I did was a boyish thing and he could have defended himself at any time (he was quite a bit larger than me). A few years later he died in a motorcycle accident and only then did it dawn on me that (other than dying) I was probably one of the biggest negatives in another person's life. I'll always regret that.
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Old 06-22-2006, 01:56 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I've done several things that I consider bad that I won't go into here...my worst is something I don't feel like airing.

However...

When I was in kindergarten, this girl brought her birthday present to school... a pretty bead necklace and bracelet. I wanted it, so I took it out of her bookbag at recess and took it home with me. She discovered it missing, and asked every class member one by one if they did it. I was terrified of being found out, so I said no. I feel bad to this day that I took her birthday present and made her cry, and I never stole from other people again after that.
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Old 06-22-2006, 02:01 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Toaster126
Yep. Profound thought, bro.

It boggles my mind that some of you have non-issues weighing you down with guilt. That said, I can't say it's not understandable to feel the way you do... just less fun.

I'm pretty good about not doing anything that would make me feel guilty - I think my honesty kick might be from the fact that when I was younger I sometimes lied and discovered that I am a really good liar and I didn't like the guilt feelings failing to follow my own moral code gives. Nowadays, I don't ever feel guilt about anything, and I almost never lie, so it's moot.
I try not to do things that would make me feel guilty in the first place. I understand that sometimes we do bad things to other people, but sometimes those are the things that need to be done.

I too am a very good liar, but I try to avoid abusing the power, because--as you said--the guilt is something I don't want to deal with.
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Old 06-22-2006, 02:25 PM   #25 (permalink)
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I too am a very good liar, but I try to avoid abusing the power, because--as you said--the guilt is something I don't want to deal with.
Yeah. And the consequences.

I'm extraordinarly good at manipulating people. It's something I really have had to come to terms with, because MAN, if I want to get my own way, I'll get it, you'll never see me coming, and you'll think it was your idea. I'm that good. The people closest to me (read: lurkette and our very closest friends) know all about it at this point, and it doesn't work so well on them anymore, which is a GOOD thing.

The worst thing I've ever done... Wow. I've done some shitty stuff.

A couple things stand out. The summer after my freshman year in college, I cheated on lurkette. I was home, away from her for the first time, we'd dated all through the year, and there was this girl I worked with who I went home with one night. That's not the bad thing though--I mean, that's bad, but it gets worse. I lied about it to her. I kept it as a secret for years and years. And for all those years, it weighed on me. I thought about it literally during our wedding. Any time she was jealous of me, it was right there. I maybe went a day without thinking about it, but for sure I didn't go a week without it. Finally, after we'd been married nine years or so, I couldn't live with it anymore and told her, and told her the agony I'd had myself in. She forgave me, and I literally haven't thought about it since that conversation except maybe three or four times when I've posted something about it here or told someone about it. It's completely gone for me.

And then there's this. I'm not sure I've even told lurkette about this.... I still feel like shit about this. I'm 9 or 10. I'm at summer camp. There's a dance, and it's fun (sort of... I was, mysteriously enough, fairly popular at this camp, and I was totally on guard against my old unpopular self showing up, so there was some stress from that). At the end of the night, one of the counselors, a cute blond girl, announced that the dance was over and it was time to go back to our cabins. I thought I'd be cute and throw this paper airplane I'd just made at her. I called out her name (I've blocked this memory so hard I can't even remember her name), she turned around, and I threw the airplane. It flew straight from my hand as if it was on rails, and hit her right in the eye. She screamed and held her eye, and I ran away. The next day was the last day of camp, and I avoided her (while surrepticiously looking to see whether her eye was okay, which I ultimately wasn't able to determine) until my parents came for me.
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Old 06-22-2006, 02:45 PM   #26 (permalink)
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I think guilt is a good thing. Regret is something else. I think feeling guilt shows compassion and it observes one's shortcomings. From there you're able to grow past it.

Regret is what you have before you come to terms with your guilt. Regret may be what's keeping people from sharing.
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Old 06-22-2006, 05:44 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halx
I think guilt is a good thing. Regret is something else. I think feeling guilt shows compassion and it observes one's shortcomings. From there you're able to grow past it.

Regret is what you have before you come to terms with your guilt. Regret may be what's keeping people from sharing.
I think our slight disagreement on the nature of guilt stems from the fact that if I try and do what I think is right, I feel no guilt if the end result ends up hurting myself or others. You know, because I tried to do the right thing. Therefore, guilt (for me) is simply my brain telling me to stop the cognitive dissonence.

I think guilt, broken down far enough, is selfish. Actually, I think literally everything a person does, if broken down far enough, is selfish.

I would also say guilt and regret are the same thing, only the former one is more emotional, and later one is more logical.
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Old 06-22-2006, 05:48 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Toaster126
I would also say guilt and regret are the same thing, only the former one is more emotional, and later one is more logical.
I tend to look at it the other way. I can do something and thus be guilty but perhaps not feel guilty or at least convince myself that I was in the right. If I regret something on the other hand I certainly must feel at least some remorse.
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Old 06-23-2006, 06:43 AM   #29 (permalink)
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I tend to look at it the other way. I can do something and thus be guilty but perhaps not feel guilty or at least convince myself that I was in the right. If I regret something on the other hand I certainly must feel at least some remorse.
I was using the word "guilt" as the emotional state, not the word that we use when people have culpability for something. But I see your point. It's all semantics anyway.
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Old 06-23-2006, 11:05 AM   #30 (permalink)
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I had a brief fling with a married man. That wasn't the worst thing I ever did though. The worst thing was not feeling bad about it. This guy's wife new me, trusted me, and thought of me as a friend, and I slept with her husband, and then continued to be her friend. After awhile they moved away and then I felt terrible when I had time to think about it. I want to appologize to her, but I know what would happen to their marriage if I mentioned it. In fact, I've never spoken about it in four years until just now.
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Old 06-23-2006, 12:50 PM   #31 (permalink)
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This is a good thread. While I've always been reserved and usually think my actions through before I actually move, I too have had my share of things I am not particularly proud of. But fortunately, those actions and the consequences have shaped me for the better.

Many years ago, I stole a digital camera from this girl I didn't really know at this camp. I think I only stole it because I could. Afterward, the girl came around and asked people if someone had seen her camera. I kind of looked in another direction and pretended not to care. But I felt so bad after that. I've lost things before and have had my belongings stolen, and I was very angry and frustrated. I had never thought of it this way, but when I stole things, the other person would be feeling the same way. Needless to say, I have never stole since. I prefer earning my own money and buying what I wanted. It's far more satisfying because I have put in the time and effort, and it makes it more meaningful than if I "just got it".

Ahh confessions, they cleanse the soul =P
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Old 06-23-2006, 03:04 PM   #32 (permalink)
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The worst thing I've ever done? Beat a one armed foreign exchange student with his own prostetic arm.

Yeah, sounds bad I know, but please let me explain. He was from Austria, and quite frankly he was a dick. He was fairly small (5'8, 150lbs), but from day one he bullied pretty much everyone he could. Because he had one arm, and was an exchange student to boot, he was more or less untouchable. I was larger than him by about 30lbs so he never tried it on me, but after 4 months I got a bit sick of it.

So one I saw him standing over a friend of mine punching him in the face. This was in the quad (lots of people able to see), I went up and pushed him off and tried to help my friend up. So he started throwing punches at me, I simply deflected them and pushed him back down to help my friend up (which he had interruped). This went on for another minute or two, where I was fed up. So instead of pushing him down again I took his arm off and smacked him accross the face a couple times.

Needless to say there was a scandal in the small town. All the faculty officially were outraged (though most knew what was going on), and the kid's exchange family wanted me expelled. The issue was pushed back time and time again until he finally left. I never got in trouble, but I did get one hell of a story to tell over a few beers.
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Old 06-23-2006, 03:11 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Beat a one armed foreign exchange student with his own prostetic arm.
That... is fucking awesome.
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Old 06-23-2006, 03:17 PM   #34 (permalink)
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That... is fucking awesome.
Yeah, dude. I wish my bad thing was that cool.
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Old 06-23-2006, 04:20 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Damn... I want to beat a one armed foreign exchange student with his own prosthetic arm...

The worst I've ever done is convinced my ex-roommate he had a virus on his computer and to reformat his hard drive.
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Old 06-23-2006, 06:15 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I could see myself hiding the prosthetic limb perhaps... But man. That's fucking classic.
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Old 06-23-2006, 09:48 PM   #37 (permalink)
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At first i ignored this thread, then i started to reply a couple of times, but I couldn't. I still have a hard time with seeing myself as the person I used to be....really believing who I was.

I sold drugs for a number of years, not just marijuana, but "Hard Drugs". Meth, coke, etc...
A close friend of mine committed suicide, Pat was strung out on my dope. I knew he was strung out, yet I continued to supply him. I was the first one to turn him on to that shit, the only person he ever bought it from, and now his son no longer has a Dad. I watched somebody get their thumbs cut off over a drug debt, not one owed to me, but I still watched it happen. One of my old friends is doing prison time, for murdering another one of my old friends, all behind dope....that I was selling. I know of several lives that I helped destroy, and I'm sure there are many more that I don't know of. I know that I didn't force them to buy it, but try looking Pat's wife in the eye, or his son, or his mother and feeding them that line of bullshit.
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Old 06-25-2006, 01:24 AM   #38 (permalink)
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I abused my first girlfriend for about 2 years out of our 2 1/2 year relationship. I didn't realise what I was really doing at the time (I was 17). Basically I found out that the reason she was the way she was was because her brother had abused her. She was adopted and he never really accepted her and was jealous of the attention she took away from him so basically made her life hell, and he was the favoured son.

It was pretty horrible what I did. I guess I unwittlingly took on another persons entire life because I loved her and I wanted to fix her, and I ended up making her life a hell of a lot worse. I couldn't deal with not being able to fix her and the world and I took it out on her. Its weird to look back at something really horrible you have done - you have to accept that you didn't know any better at the time but you still have to live with the damage that you have caused. All I can say is that we both learned a hell of a lot for 17 year olds and I guess the emotional scars heal and leave you a better person.
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Old 06-25-2006, 09:39 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
And then there's this. I'm not sure I've even told lurkette about this.... I still feel like shit about this. I'm 9 or 10. I'm at summer camp. There's a dance, and it's fun (sort of... I was, mysteriously enough, fairly popular at this camp, and I was totally on guard against my old unpopular self showing up, so there was some stress from that). At the end of the night, one of the counselors, a cute blond girl, announced that the dance was over and it was time to go back to our cabins. I thought I'd be cute and throw this paper airplane I'd just made at her. I called out her name (I've blocked this memory so hard I can't even remember her name), she turned around, and I threw the airplane. It flew straight from my hand as if it was on rails, and hit her right in the eye. She screamed and held her eye, and I ran away. The next day was the last day of camp, and I avoided her (while surrepticiously looking to see whether her eye was okay, which I ultimately wasn't able to determine) until my parents came for me.
Some years ago at a cub scout camp, outside in a large field where ~40 of us were just goofing off, I made the mistake of deciding to play with a boomerang that was there for us to use. I liked boomerangs and was pretty good at throwing the ones I had (have) at home. Now, it probably goes without saying that this one was not an authentic boomerang. It was neither made of wood, nor should it have been around a bunch of cub scouts. This particular craptastic toy was pressed somewhere for .05 cents a unit. It was a particularly flimsy, too light, neon orange death spinner. It had an edge that would've given the best ginsu knife penis envy.

So I threw it, expecting it to act the exact same way as my heavier, wooden ones at home. It didn't. It flew much too high, then swooped down from the top of its flight... straight acrossanother kid's face and the bridge of his nose. It bled horribly and they ended up calling an ambulance to take the kid to get stiches. I don't even know how many that kid needed. But I didn't have the luxury of leaving the next day. This happened halfway through the first week of a three week camp. So, instead of finding the kid later and apologizing, I avoided him at all costs. A glance at him offered me nothing but a pit in my stomach and a quick turn in the other direction. That worked until he came up to me during the last day. He yelled at me, threatened me, and used profanity I'm still impressed with.. and I just sat there and took it because I deserved it for not doing anything to help the situation.

---

When I was 16 I also helped my dad bury the neighbors' new kitten that he accidently backed over as he was driving me to my boy scout meeting. I know he couldn't've helped it; our driveway was at such a slope that you couldn't see anything that short directly behind the car... but he just grabbed two shovels, started digging a hole under a bush that would easily cover the newly dug dirt and told me to help him. I just stood there watching the death throes of this kitten, not knowing how to help it. I couldn't bring myself to do it any more harm, even if it meant ending its pain quickly. I just stood there until it stopped moving, then picked it up, placed it in the hole, and buried it myself. I don't think my dad ever told the neighbors what happened... just acted like he knew nothing and probably outright lied about it. But I never told them either, didn't even make up a story to tell them so they'd stop worrying about it. Nearly all I could think about was that my dad killed something, a kitten, and actively covered it up so that he wouldn't get blamed for it.

I realize this is probably something of a minor nature to most, and nothing to others, but I've always had a much harder time accepting the death and pain of animals than humans. It affects me much more intensely. Humans get sympathy and worry for emotional problems and issues. The image of this kitten writhing about and pawing at invisible attackers is something that won't leave my mind, and instantly brings tears to my eyes. And, again, I didn't try to take any credit for it.
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Old 06-25-2006, 03:41 PM   #40 (permalink)
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The worst things I've done, are the things I've failed to do. Stand up for someone who was being unfairly persecuted, take the unpopular opinion because it was right, contradict the boss when he's being flaming a-hole and steering the whole enterprise toward ruin. That kind of thing. In the long run, it's the worst thing you can do -- and most of us do it daily.

Later in life, I've tried to do better on such matters -- and have had my head handed to me a couple of times. Maybe it's karma :-).
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