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Old 06-26-2006, 11:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
Controlling friends?

I have this friend. She is great looking, seemingly confident and really well-to-do. But she has bi-polar disorder, is szchizo- effective and has been hospitalized several times. I have a mild form of szchizophrenia, but keep in under control very well, and I have never had to be hospitalized.
The problem is several times my friend has criticized me and lectured me about my thereapy and meds. Once, she even attacted me physically because she thought I was acting "paranoid" and "crazy". I don't think I was at all. In fact I was feeling quite sane, and she was the one yelling and screaming.
She takes every opportunity to "call me out" on everything I do, saying I'm paranoid and ridiculous. Why does she think it's her right to do that?
Also, whenever I feel good about an accomplishment, I tell her about it and she acts very annoyed, laughs or puts me down and responds self-critically about her own lack of success in that area, whether it be men, sex, weight, or work.
What is this all about? What is wrong with her?

Last edited by Dawns75; 06-26-2006 at 11:20 AM..
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Old 06-26-2006, 11:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Ummm, that's one "friend" that I would forget about real quick.
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Old 06-26-2006, 11:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Iceland
Originally Posted by Dawns75
Also, whenever I feel good about an accomplishment, I tell her about it and she acts very annoyed, laughs or puts me down and responds self-critically about her own lack of success in that area, whether it be men, sex, weight, or work.
I have a friend like that. While she is nothing quite like your friend in terms of the other behavior you described, my friend is very insecure about herself and I feel like this prevents us from actually being that close. She has a hard time genuinely feeling good about anything good that happens to me, since she sees it as a reflection on her own lack of accomplishments (that's in her mind; personally, I think she has accomplished a ton, and I tell her that). I keep my distance from her in certain areas because they are just dangerous topics, and I don't trust her reaction.

Now, as for the other behavior your friend is exhibiting... wow. How long have you two been friends? How close do you really feel to her? I don't know if I'd want someone around me who sounds as toxic as your friend does... but that's your call. I'd pretty much call that unhealthy as hell and bordering on abusive. I'd say you need to get some serious space from her and let her know that if she doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, then you won't be her friend anymore.
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

--Khalil Gibran
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Old 06-26-2006, 12:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Chicago
what's wrong with her? Could be a bazillion different things... it really doesnt matter.

With friends like that, who needs enemies... a friend is someone who should cheer your accomplishments, hand you tissues when you're down, give you a kick in the behind when you've been down too long, and know when the difference is... a friend accepts you for who you are and never ever lectures you... (parent's lecture... friends are there to vent to about the lectures)

Sounds like you really could use a new friend or two...
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
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Old 06-26-2006, 02:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Los Angeles
this is definitely a friend that you don't need to have in your life.
you spoke of having a form of sickness yourself.. if you associate yourself with people like this, it could make matters worse for you and your own well being.. ya know?
i've had a "friend" or two like this in my life and the only thing they did was bring me down. good luck to you. i hope everything works out for you
Once bitten, Twice shy.

Last edited by MySexyAssJ; 06-26-2006 at 04:16 PM..
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Old 06-26-2006, 04:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
Location: Right here, right now.
Hmmm... Friend? Sorry, that does not compute - especially if she puts you down when you feel good about accomplishing something. I think this 'friend' needs to be taken back to the friend factory for a software update.

Is she getting effective treatment for her disorders? It doesn't sound like it.
Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you wanna keep fighting evil today.
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Old 06-27-2006, 07:39 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Kansas City, yo.
Get a better friend.
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
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controlling, friends

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