IS 12 years too much of a difference?!?!
 

Hi.. im a 38 my boyfriend is 26 we have been dating for 18 months now and we really love eachother. but i have a HUGE!!!!! problem with the age difference, i really don't look my age and he looks older than 26 soo is not like you really see the difference. they still ask me for my ID when we go out, wich i find funny. but the fact is that i am 12 years older than him and i think that is way tooo much... i don't know what to do. I have two kids, and he really cares for them, (also very important) he does not want to have any of his own... that is a plus for me.... he is always talking about out future together and planning, but i can't stop thinking about the difference in age... please help....

Could you please specifically delineate what it is that bothers you about the age difference?

I say rock on. :D

Society.... if you're a 45 year old man and date a 20 year old woman it's ok.... but when is the opposite, people tend to judge and look at you like your crazy... I know I should not worry about what people think, but... I come from a very square family and they do not approve.... I should be with a man not a boy... they say... I hardly speak to them anymore because of it... but I can't help to wonder sometimes... is it true!?!?!

If you're happy, they what does it matter? If you are too concerned about what "society" thinks, then issue isn't with "society". If you love someone, then it shouldn't matter. If you were 30 and dating an 18 year old, that's a little different. As long as you are happy, then don't let others bring you down.

You need to get over the age thing, and go with the flow. Maybe it's just you're afraid of commitment, and that's your way of pushing him away. If it's love, then hop on and go for the ride!

Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore

screw society.

Then don't tell society how old you guys are.

Is it any of their business to know? No.
Is it any of their business how old are the men you date? No.
Is it any of their business how old are the women your man date? No.
Do I care? No.
Does TFP care? No.

Society probably doesn't care either. The days of judging couples on ages are in the past, sure there are some that still do it but fuck 'em.

Yes.... that's my new way of thinking.......:thumbsup:

Thanks.....

I know the problem is me and my old school way of thinking....but.... I have never felt the way I feel when I am with him, with anybody else in my life... sooo with all my insecurities and doubts I will definitely follow my heart and see what will happen.... Thanks...... :)

No problem amelia. May everything work out in your favour :)

I know the problem is me and my old school way of thinking....but.... I have never felt the way I feel when I am with him, with anybody else in my life... sooo with all my insecurities and doubts I will definitely follow my heart and see what will happen....:)

See... that's one thing i won't do... lie about my age.... I do lie about his..:D and he hates it..... im such a bitch......:p

I think it's ok. You're both at an age where you're mature enough to get along. When I was 17 I dated a 26 year old and it was awful, because he had so much more life experience than me. He would always talk to me like a mentor, not a boyfriend. I think having the experimentation stage in college makes a big difference.

I'm in the same boat as you, only I'm on the opposite end. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 38. I had a wee bit of problem with the age thing at the outset but like everyone else has so wisely said 'If you're happy, then screw all the rest.' The more you allow this to bother you, the more problems it's going to create in your relationship and why would you want to mess up a perfectly good thing just because you are a little older?

And if it makes you feel any better, 12 years is not as bas as 18 years :lol:

I say congrats to you for finding someone who makes you happy! Enjoy it!

I would feel uncomfortabel because I would be at such a different place in my life, but thats not always true.

But to you I say do it! As long as it makes you happy

No, 12 years isn't too much of a difference.

Whatever works for you is all you should care about. If this relationship makes you happy, go for it.

Now, there may be issues that arise in such a relationship that wouldn't normally between two people closer in age, but it's a very situation-dependent thing, and I'm no authority on the matter. The only advice I'd give is to communicate, communicate, communicate.

Nope, not a problem at all. Older women rock! If it were up to me (I'm 29), I'd be consistently after 40+ year old women. I've been with women almost 30 years older than me! It's a lot of fun. Kudos to you for knowing what you want, and having fun with it! Don't let it bother you...nobody needs to know your age.

a couple that are some of mine and Dave's best friends are 12 years apart, her older like you...they have been together for 3 years (he's actually one of my ex's and was in my wedding lol) and they couldnt be happier

I say dont worry about it and just enjoy your happiness

12 years is only a problem if you are 6 and she or he is 18.

My Mom's husband is 17 years younger than she is... he's only four years older than my older brother. She's been happily married for almost 20 years.

I'd say age doesn't matter one wit.

I wasn't implying that you should lie about your age and his age but instead, don't tell anyone about it. If someone came up to you and your bf and ask about the age differences, just simply tell them why it should make any impact on your relationship with him.

WOWWWWWWW

My ex-wife was named Amelia and we were 12 years apart..... I thought this was her....

(sorry for threadjack but scared the F outta me.)

Amelia, seriously, 12 years is only a difference if you make it. Lady Sage is 9 yrs. younger and we get along great.

My ex Amelia and I never truly knew the age difference, and it was never a problem. What split us up was the fact she couldn't handle me going back to school and choosing a profession where I won't make a lot of money.

Anyway, love is blind and age is just a number, don't worry about it. The more you worry, the more it WILL become a problem, but only because you made it one (whether consciously or not).

It only matters if you make it matter.

The age gap is happening more and more anyway.

If the ONLY thing worrying you is a number, then I'd say it's not too much of a difference at all. If everything else clicks as perfectly as it sounds like it does, then you've got a good thing going there. Age difference should not matter nearly as much as personal differences.

If it were 18 and 30, I might say you need to be careful due to the generally larger developmental and maturity differences that occur in that time, but even in that case I wouldn't say that, by itself, the age difference is so important that it overrides other factors.

If my sister (20) brought home a guy who was 32, I'd be much more interested in what kind of man he is and how he treats her than her age, though the age difference would probably make me look a little closer. Heck, when I got together with Grace, she was 20 and I was 25, and that caused me to pause and take a look at the situation a bit more closely.

26 and 38 is a much different story. A lot of emotional growth can occur in one's early 20's. If there are no major problems coming out of the age difference, I'd say don't sweat it. Keep in mind that others may find it objectionable and you'll have to deal with that. If it's not a problem, and it shouldn't be, don't concern yourself with the numbers.

Gilda

There was a time when I was only a few years older than Grancey, but I've noticed that the age difference between us has swelled to about 17 years now. She never seems to age.

I wanted to thank you all for your input, I know this is more a personal problem that I have with the age difference, and something I am willing to work with. But we do love each other very much and I know it will all work out... :)

end of. There does not seem to be a problem to me, at all!:thumbsup: