clavus

What’s the difference between soap and detergent? There must be a difference. You never see body detergent or hand detergent? And what does “detergent” mean anyway?

I use decongestant when I am congested, and defoliant when I have too much foliage. So when I use laundry detergent, I figure my clothes must be...terged(?).

“Terged” – another way to say “covered in beer and nachos.”

Anyway... there I was, pushing a shopping cart down the dairy aisle. I was pushing forward, looking left, trying to figure out which aisle to turn into to get my dishwashing detergent. My concentration on this enormous task was interrupted by a rather attractive young lady who was dressed for warm weather, but feeling the effects of the cool air, if you catch my drift.

So I was pushing forward, glancing left, and trying to look at this girl and trying not to look like was looking at her when I realized that I was passing the detergent aisle. And jusst when I realized this, she looked over at me, and I looked her right in the eye, turned a hard left, and crashed into the toothbrushes.

The end of the aisle had this big display of toothbrushes hung on a coroplast board, and I knocked the living shit it. I shattered the mounting brackets on one side, and the whole thing canted wildly into the detergent aisle. Toothbrushes flew everywhere.

So I started trying to hang them back up, but they wouldn’t stay on, because the whole thing was catywompus. Then I tried to fix it, but that was impossible, because I BROKE it. And dear GOD, the cute, thin-shirted woman came over and started trying to help me, and I was trying to act cool, (Like "It's OK baby. I do this kind of thing all the time") then she sort of threw up her hands and walked off to buy whatever cute girls eat while they tell their friends about stupid assholes at the grocery store...

Detergent.

I guess the difference between detergent and soap is that you don’t make an ass out of yourself looking for soap.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

TexanAvenger

I've worked in a factory where they make soap. Believe me, it's because they get all the "looking like an ass" out before handing it over to the customer.

And hey... I've gotten a concussion on a ski-slope due to a thin-shirted woman. Compared to that, way I see it is this- if you're not +1, you're breaking even.

Halx

Damn.. nobody's said anything. Clavus, I love your stories. Secretly, I wish to be put in all the humiliating situations you get into.

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clavus

What do they do with all the leftover LLAA?

Stupid question. OBVIOUSLY they sell it to the detergent factories.
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Thanks, halx.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

ShaniFaye

you always always make me laugh so much clavus, I've missed your stories

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

absorbentishe

If I would have had coffee in my mouth, it would have come flying out! Brilliant!!

Elphaba

"terged"

Sultana

Love it! I'm sure she was secretly flattered that you devistated a toothbrush display for her. Very secretly flattered. So secretly that she may not have even realized it!

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

shalafi

thanks for the laugh clavus. you always have the best stories.

Crack

What type of foul beast is this?

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Brewmaniac

clavus, this cracks me up! Thanks for sharing your stories with us, most people wouldn't tell a sole.

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

clavus

"Catywompus" it's like "higgeldy piggeldy," but not as bad.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

spectre

Same here.

Another great story. Thanks for sharing it.

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"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

Grasshopper Green

I'll never view wrecked displays at work the same way again.

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"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

uncle phil

there i go, back to elementary school...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

pornclerk

I know this post was just for a laugh but I looked up the definition out of curiousity!
de-ter-gent –noun
1. any of a group of synthetic, organic, liquid or water-soluble cleaning agents that, unlike soap, are not prepared from fats and oils, are not inactivated by hard water, and have wetting-agent and emulsifying-agent properties.
2. a similar substance that is oil-soluble and capable of holding insoluble foreign matter in suspension, used in lubricating oils, dry-cleaning preparations, etc.

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Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

healer

A brilliant story, clavus. The fact that it's true - I mean this actually happened - makes it all the funnier.

Not that I'm laughing at you...more along the lines of with you.
Bileedat.

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fresnelly

To think, I was avoiding this thread because I assumed it was going to be a technical definition battle royale, an I come in to find another classic Clavus story.

Thanks for the laugh. I've blacked out all the past boneheaded moments I've gotten myself into trying to impress some attractive stranger. If I was there with you, I probably would have slipped on the fallen toothbrushes.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

Dilbert1234567

(it keeps tellling me my messages are to short..)

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Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

little_tippler

Another brilliant Clavus moment. I'm sure she WAS secretly flattered. I would have been!

So, since you seem to know your jargon (I love the words you use), ever heard of frobbscottle and whizzpoppers? I'm wondering if the reference means anything to you!

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

CSflim

Great story Clavus. Got a good laugh out of it. Thanks for posting!