Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > General Discussion


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-17-2007, 07:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
Mjollnir Incarnate
 
Location: Lost in thought
Gender double standards

I have a female friend who will sometimes punch me on the arm if we get into some teasing/banter. Since she hit me first, I feel justified in giving her a slap back in the arm.

Now she recently told me that it bothers her when I hit her back because she's a girl and I'm not. She always starts this, and I never hit her as hard as she hits me (I don't think I even could after my arm starts to go numb). In my opinion, she's making claim to a double standard that only supports gender inequality.

What are your opinions on the matter? Either way you feel, justify your answer.
Slavakion is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 07:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
Americow, the Beautiful
 
Supple Cow's Avatar
 
Location: Washington, D.C.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slavakion
In my opinion, she's making claim to a double standard that only supports gender inequality.
Sure she is, but what does that have to do with you if you don't think it's right to hit people? "She started it" is not really a great excuse. I used to be a stupid girl who thought she could hit guys and then be mad if they hit me back, but then I learned my lesson. Hitting her back will only perpetuate her childish behavior. If you take the high road and don't hit her, and point out that she's being immature and applying a double standard, then you both might actually learn something from this.

Unless, of course, you are just looking for an excuse to hit girls.

Last edited by Supple Cow; 04-17-2007 at 07:11 AM..
Supple Cow is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 07:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
Mjollnir Incarnate
 
Location: Lost in thought
Quote:
Originally Posted by Supple Cow
Unless, of course, you are just looking for an excuse to believe that men are inherently superior to women.
No, that's what I'm trying to disprove in this situation. And I would usually take the high road and not hit a person back, but she does this to a lot of people and thinks that it's just fine. I told her that if she truly has a problem with me responding in kind, I'll stop, but she's not helping herself in any way.
Slavakion is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 07:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
Americow, the Beautiful
 
Supple Cow's Avatar
 
Location: Washington, D.C.
Oops, you quoted me before I was done editing.

Either way, I don't think hitting her back is the answer. If she does it to other people and they don't know how to stop it, it's their problem. Your problem is that she's hitting you. Surely you can think of another way to get her to stop besides hitting her back. She is probably secretly happy that you do that - you are just giving her more attention.
Supple Cow is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 07:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
Girls feeling okay about hitting guys is less wrong than vice-versa since guys are usually bigger and stronger. It's still wrong. Violence against others has no valid excuses unless it's in self-defense, and that's an iffy explanation for a guy to use. Buck up. My wife has struck me down on several occasions, both literally and figuratively. I've never felt the urge to strike her because:
"BOYS SHOULD'NT HIT GIRLS". Damn societal conditioning.
um, shy away from violent women, 'cuz they'll hurt you and there's not a damn thing you can legitimately do about it.
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 09:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Carno's Avatar
 
Next time she hits you, punch her in the twat.
Carno is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 09:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
ngdawg's Avatar
 
Location: on the back, bitch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carno
Next time she hits you, punch her in the twat.
That made me LOL

I have to admit, I'm a 'backhander'...snide/inuendo remarks and I swing, usually at the shoulder. Always with a smile, never malicious and never expecting a swing in return. It's just the way some of us are....
If it makes you uncomfortable, speak up...or, like above....
__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.
ngdawg is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 09:49 AM   #8 (permalink)
Falling Angel
 
Sultana's Avatar
 
Location: L.A. L.A. land
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carno
Next time she hits you, punch her in the twat.
Dammit! Now my whole monitor and keyboard is covered with coffee!

How about you tell her to stop hitting you at all. It's time for both you guys to grow up, and hitting to the point of pain on a regular basis is not grown-up behavior (but more especially if she can't take it back, heh!).

So no more hitting altogether. This is what I tell my under-10 nephews, because, "Someone always gets hurt, and gets their feelings hurt."
__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening


My goal? To fulfill my potential.
Sultana is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 09:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
KellyC's Avatar
 
Location: Home sweet home
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carno
Next time she hits you, punch her in the twat.
I'm going for the good ol' titty twister.

Actually, I might seriously consider this move next time a girl hits me...with a warning, of course.
__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Last edited by KellyC; 04-17-2007 at 10:06 AM..
KellyC is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 10:03 AM   #10 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
Crack's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio! yay!
I hit a girl once. Bitch took my grape drink in 1st grade. I was then forever know as her "boyfriend"

What was I saying... I hope it works out the same for you.
__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx
Crack is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 10:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: bedford, tx
you need to tell her that, as a girl, the reactions of those around her will be directly related to her actions. If she thinks that she shouldn't be hit, as a girl, then, as a girl, she shouldn't be doing the hitting. When she actively places herself outside the normal ranges of decent behavior (not hitting others) then she should expect the same response back, whether she's a girl or not. THAT is gender equality par excellence.
__________________
"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."
dksuddeth is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 01:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
Daniel_'s Avatar
 
Location: Southern England
Give her a wedgie!
__________________
╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝
Daniel_ is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 03:03 PM   #13 (permalink)
Mjollnir Incarnate
 
Location: Lost in thought
Quote:
Originally Posted by dksuddeth
you need to tell her that, as a girl, the reactions of those around her will be directly related to her actions. If she thinks that she shouldn't be hit, as a girl, then, as a girl, she shouldn't be doing the hitting. When she actively places herself outside the normal ranges of decent behavior (not hitting others) then she should expect the same response back, whether she's a girl or not. THAT is gender equality par excellence.
That's more or less what I've told her. Either it's gonna be a two-way thing or nobody does anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ngdawg
I have to admit, I'm a 'backhander'...snide/inuendo remarks and I swing, usually at the shoulder. Always with a smile, never malicious and never expecting a swing in return.
That's how it starts. She'd give me a friendly backhand in the arm or shoulder, and I'd give her one right back without even glancing up from my computer while typing something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Supple Cow
Unless, of course, you are just looking for an excuse to hit girls.
No, not that either. =(
Slavakion is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 05:18 PM   #14 (permalink)
Extreme moderation
 
Toaster126's Avatar
 
Location: Kansas City, yo.
Why are you letting a friend treat you in a way that makes you feel disrespected? That's the real question here.
__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
Toaster126 is offline  
Old 04-17-2007, 06:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
ItWasMe's Avatar
 
Location: under your bed
There are unpleasant things you can do back that are not violent...

Stick a wet finger in her ear, run your tongue up the side of her face...lots of 'non-violent' ways to deter her. That, and turning down get-togethers because you don't appreciate her smacking you (you have to let her know why, though).
ItWasMe is offline  
Old 04-18-2007, 05:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
BadNick's Avatar
 
Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
Maybe by doing that she's flirting. Flirting can be friendly not just sexual. Maybe this is her love tap. Sometimes a mild, non-violent physical interaction/wrestling/hitting can be fun. It doesn't always have to be soothing, gentle, soft-touch kinda thing. Did she grow up with a couple brothers?
BadNick is offline  
Old 04-18-2007, 05:43 AM   #17 (permalink)
Leaning against the -Sun-
 
little_tippler's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
Err....tell her you don't like it and that you want her to stop. Tell her that if she doesn't stop, you won't either. Then if she keeps doing it, walk away. Who needs friends who disrespect you anyway? It may be small, but if it bothers you enough to post it here, then it's important enough.

I had a phase where I'd do that occasionally, I don't know why. I mean, smack a guy across the shoulder lightly, if he did/said something silly or whatever. I realised I didn't like what I was doing (it was obviously something subconscious and complicated that I won't get into now), and then I stopped myself doing it. I don't do it anymore. And you're right, no-one likes getting hit, even if it is playfully.
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


Fernando Pessoa, 1918
little_tippler is offline  
Old 04-18-2007, 12:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
Upright
 
As a result of growing up with brothers, I don't really apply this double standard. When I hit a guy, I expect him to hit me back, and vice versa. And yes, some might argue that fighting among siblings is in a field of its own, but I don't see a difference when anyone fights anyone else, regardless of gender. I find it annoying when girls complain about being hit by guys. Sure, it's one thing to complain about being hurt, but it's another to perpetuate the "guys can't hit girls" mindlessness. In a way, I find it a bit demeaning.

As for your particular case, if the girl doesn't want to be hit, it should be on the basis of being hurt rather than gender. If she's going to hit you, she should be prepared to get hit right back, because to not be in this mindset only perpetuates the problem. While actually hitting her probably won't solve your problem and isn't suggested for a long term solution, she shouldn't be allowed to continue on believing she is invincible and exempt from retaliation stemming from her actions. So, like what has been mentioned before, talk to her. Let her know that it's not fun/funny/cute/ or whatever she might think it is, and if she's going to try to uphold a senseless "rule" for protection, then that's not going to fly.
daretodream is offline  
Old 04-21-2007, 05:36 PM   #19 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
ItWasMe's Avatar
 
Location: under your bed
I have no brothers. And I don't go around hitting people; I think that behavior is annoying by either gender. That said, I would not even consider being around a guy who even 'playfully' hits women. And I certainly would not date him, at all. In my personal experience, the more you tolerate it, the more it escalates.
__________________
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

ItWasMe is offline  
Old 04-21-2007, 05:45 PM   #20 (permalink)
Banned
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carno
Next time she hits you, punch her in the twat.
I would say grab a handful of breast, but this works too. lol
analog is offline  
Old 04-21-2007, 06:33 PM   #21 (permalink)
Gastrolithuanian
 
Giant Hamburger's Avatar
 
Location: low-velocity Earth orbit
Are you not the Hammer of Thor?

The blows of a maid should be like waves upon the rocks. They should feel like kisses snatched in the field. If she is the girl she suggests she is, then she should be permitted to strike you when she warms your furs. Have the spirited minx bathed and sent to your tent. You will quench her fire with red kisses from smashed and bloodied lips. The double standard should fall to the ground amongst your clothes.

I have spoken.
Giant Hamburger is offline  
Old 04-21-2007, 06:50 PM   #22 (permalink)
Metal and Rock 4 Life
 
Destrox's Avatar
 
Location: Phoenix
As long as its all friendly and such, I see no problem.

I've got a friend of mine, a co-worker at that, that we both (I'm male she is female) will playfully hit each other. Each other knows that if one starts something, the other will respond equally. There is no gender police going around stopping it.

She's just being selfish in my view.
__________________
You bore me.... next.
Destrox is offline  
Old 04-22-2007, 05:24 AM   #23 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by BadNick
Maybe by doing that she's flirting. Flirting can be friendly not just sexual. Maybe this is her love tap. Sometimes a mild, non-violent physical interaction/wrestling/hitting can be fun. It doesn't always have to be soothing, gentle, soft-touch kinda thing. Did she grow up with a couple brothers?
I'm with BadNick, but try telling her it hurts. I had a girlfriend who was much the same, she would bite and pinch expecting me to be the tough macho male. I had to tell her, "bugger that, it bloody hurts, I'm not into pain, stop it". Try it, it certainly beats the tit for tat activity which gets you bloody nowhere except being accused of abuse.
cyklone is offline  
Old 04-22-2007, 10:45 AM   #24 (permalink)
 
abaya's Avatar
 
Location: Iceland
Quote:
Originally Posted by daretodream
As a result of growing up with brothers, I don't really apply this double standard. When I hit a guy, I expect him to hit me back, and vice versa.
Precisely. I am an only child, but I grew up playing with boys more than girls, and I liked the rough 'n tumble. I hated girls being... well, girly. My husband and I get into frequent wrestling matches (unrelated to sex, believe me!) and we both love it. He knows that if he tries to tickle me, he's gonna get it back just as bad, and vice versa. It's something I love about our relationship... that we don't adjust the way we treat each other simply because of "gender." (Although we do adjust the way we fuck, but that's physically necessary. )
__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

--Khalil Gibran
abaya is offline  
Old 04-22-2007, 10:46 AM   #25 (permalink)
Upright
 
EaseUp's Avatar
 
Location: SoCal, beeyotch
Maybe NWS

Solution?

EaseUp is offline  
Old 04-22-2007, 11:42 PM   #26 (permalink)
Insensative Fuck.
 
Location: Boon towns of Ohio
Hit her back, she'll stop if she really is put off by you reacting.

I really can't imagine myself talking to one of my female friends, and asking nicely for her to stop coz it is immature, or that it hurts too much. That shit ain't gonna happen, and I don't really think most guys are gonna do that either.

I agree with what you are already saying, there doesnt have to be double standards enacted in this situation because you're in control of it.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crompsin
Menoman is my hero. He masturbates with Brillo pads. And likes it.
Menoman is offline  
Old 04-23-2007, 04:36 PM   #27 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
genuinegirly's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
Ask her why she feels it's not right for you to gently nudge her back. Be tactful as you explain your views on how it's a double-standard. Let her know that you don't like being punched in the arm, and that if she does it again, you will respond accordingly. She will hopefully take the hint.

I don't think that it's right that anyone punches anyone. Poking, on the other hand, is fare game.
__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
genuinegirly is offline  
Old 04-23-2007, 05:44 PM   #28 (permalink)
pig
pigglet pigglet
 
pig's Avatar
 
Location: Locash
i don't know what the relative sizes in this situation are, but i've found that i can usually tackle the chick and/or wrestle her and/or tie her arms up. i've had some female friends who would hit me rather playfully, and it never really bothered me. then again, it didn't really hurt much and i've got a reasonable pain tolerance. still, if it did start to hurt i'd just wrap them up. its sort of the way i train my dogs; establish a firm level of dominance in your personal space.
__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style
pig is offline  
Old 04-23-2007, 07:13 PM   #29 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger
Are you not the Hammer of Thor?

The blows of a maid should be like waves upon the rocks. They should feel like kisses snatched in the field. If she is the girl she suggests she is, then she should be permitted to strike you when she warms your furs. Have the spirited minx bathed and sent to your tent. You will quench her fire with red kisses from smashed and bloodied lips. The double standard should fall to the ground amongst your clothes.

I have spoken.
Giant Hamburger shadows the earth, periodically. Take his wisdom within!
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
Old 04-25-2007, 07:41 AM   #30 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
I was going to suggest tackle-hugging her, but there have been some other good suggestions in the thread that I have to acknowledge and expand on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel_
Give her a wedgie!
Double bonus points if she's wearing a thong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by analog
I would say grab a handful of breast, but this works too. lol
This will work, but you have to yell "HONK!" as you grab.
MSD is offline  
Old 04-29-2007, 10:17 PM   #31 (permalink)
Forming
 
Punk.of.Ages's Avatar
 
Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
I hang out with some girls that like to hit me and such. I usually don't hit back, but if I do there's no "Oh my god, I'm a girl." I think if a girl wants to hit you she should be able to take reaction in kind. In the world I grew up in if you hit somebody, you better be ready to get hit back. Whether you're a girl or a boy.
__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike
Punk.of.Ages is offline  
Old 04-29-2007, 10:23 PM   #32 (permalink)
Here
 
World's King's Avatar
 
Location: Denver City Denver
That fact that you said "she started it" makes you just as childish as she is for saying that you can't 'play hit' her back.
__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown
World's King is offline  
Old 04-29-2007, 10:28 PM   #33 (permalink)
Banned
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct
This will work, but you have to yell "HONK!" as you grab.
I will never do that... specifically because my mom thought it would be a good idea to tell the story of when my dad had all four of his wisdom teeth out and was home fresh from the dentist's office and still doped all to hell on pain killers... acting goofy... and reached out and audibly "honked" as he grabbed one of her boobs, looking very proud of himself. Also take into account this wasn't during childhood, this was a few years ago.

So no... no breast-honking.

*shudders*
analog is offline  
 

Tags
double, gender, standards

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:37 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360