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Old 12-12-2007, 05:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Messed up. How do I apologize?

A female friend of mine was supposed to urgently send some documents for work but has failed to do so at the given time, so I decided to phone her about 11 times (asking for the documents). Next day she tells me she had to go to the hospital to see her mother so she wasnt able to send them, but I ofcourse being the failure that I am decide to say something like ''you better get me those fucking documents, what the fuck, you are so useless god damnit" etc.

So then after lunch I talked with the guy who was supposed to process them after I've put them all together, and he said he doesn't even need those papers. I feel retarded and apologize to my friend via 3 voice mails but so far no response. How do I fix this? I know it's fully my fault for being an asshole, but I was pissed.
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Old 12-12-2007, 05:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
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You've already apologized, just give her some time to calm down. Be ready to talk to her some more, and don't overreact if she yells at you. Basically, just calm down and give it some time.
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Old 12-12-2007, 05:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Find her in person and say hey, I screwed up, I was an asshole, I'm sorry. Even if you don't believe that I am, I really am, and you didn't deserve that. Hope your mother is ok.

A voicemail or email won't cut it. It's 10x more sincere in person.

Also, might I suggest anger management or something if you really said those things. A little overboard!! Totally inappropriate. The only reason I suggest this is because you sorta made it sound like the only reason you're sorry for saying those things is because her mom was in the hospital.
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Old 12-12-2007, 05:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You could cut off part of your ear and give it to a prostitute; or if you're not into that artsy stuff just give it some time for tempers to cool.
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Old 12-12-2007, 06:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Find a new friend, and don't do that again.
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Old 12-12-2007, 06:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lasereth
Find her in person and say hey, I screwed up, I was an asshole, I'm sorry. Even if you don't believe that I am, I really am, and you didn't deserve that. Hope your mother is ok.

A voicemail or email won't cut it. It's 10x more sincere in person.

Also, might I suggest anger management or something if you really said those things. A little overboard!! Totally inappropriate. The only reason I suggest this is because you sorta made it sound like the only reason you're sorry for saying those things is because her mom was in the hospital.
I won't see her until the Christmas party though which is in a week, the only way to apologize is on the phone..which she wont pick up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ItWasMe
Find a new friend, and don't do that again.
but I like this one...
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Last edited by AfterBurn; 12-12-2007 at 06:42 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 12-12-2007, 06:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I hate to be so forward with this, but what you did is what makes people hate their job and wake up in the morning and automatically have a bad day when they realize they exist and have to go to work........

If I were her, there is nothing you could ever say that would fix what you did - you are fucked. You need help if you would say that to someone else over something job-related. You don't fuck with people over something like urgent documents........

I would try to tell her in person, but if you can't get that together, write her a hand-written note explaining that you aren't an asshole, that you don't normally do that stuff, that she didn't deserve it, and that you understand if she doesn't want to associate herself with you ever again - and that no matter what, you DO NOT EXPECT FORGIVENESS

There is just no reason to talk to someone like that, and for that reason, you are basically fucked. This goes back to something one of our veteran posters/admins had in his profile: I don't care who you are/what you look like/where you are from, you're either an asshole or you're not. And to this girl you will ALWAYS be an asshole from here on out, no matter what you say or do to make it up. Sorry man!
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Old 12-12-2007, 06:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: San Antonio, TX
I agree 100% with Lasereth. Also, remember, from what you said, you were a total putz. Don't be surprised if she wants to scream at you/stay mad at you. And don't lose you cool.
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Old 12-12-2007, 07:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterBurn
but I like this one...
This is how you treat your FRIENDS at work?! What do you to do your enemies, stab them in their sleep?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterBurn
''you better get me those fucking documents, what the fuck, you are so useless god damnit" etc.
You should have felt retarded whether you 'needed' those documents or not. That is completely out of line, and an extremely disrespectful, ridiculous, and childish way to speak to either a coworker or a friend, and DEFINITELY to someone who is both. If anyone at my work treated me like that I would not only never speak with them again, I'd report them to HR and get them fired.

Just be thankful that your little episode only caused the loss of your friend and not your job.

How do you fix it? Stop being an asshole, and treat people with respect.
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Last edited by telekinetic; 12-12-2007 at 07:08 PM..
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Old 12-12-2007, 07:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Ok I called again and explained I was really stressed and tired and that I was sorry and she said it's ok..Could have said it just so I'd stop calling though.
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Last edited by AfterBurn; 12-12-2007 at 07:14 PM..
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Old 12-12-2007, 07:21 PM   #11 (permalink)
Here
 
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Flowers. Candy. Wine.


Maybe porn.
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterBurn
Ok I called again and explained I was really stressed and tired and that I was sorry and she said it's ok..Could have said it just so I'd stop calling though.

She might have said it's okay just to get you off her back, and to stop calling. I would keep in mind that just because someone says it's okay, doesn't mean it is. (I mean that as in she might say 'it's okay' and still be royally pissed, and it is neither forgiven nor forgotten).

Sometimes people will talk to friends in a way that you wouldn't dream of talking to stranger on the street. It's odd how we take advantage of relationships that way. To show a stranger more respect than you do the people you care about.

If she continues to take your calls, I would suggest a serious conversation, not just a "I was having a bad day, sorry I said that shit to you" kind of thing. Let her know that you truly comprehend the magnitude of your fuck up, and that your apology is extremely sincere.

I'd also hope that, in the future, you will be much more cautious of how you treat your co-workers, whether they be friends or not. This is the kind of shit that will get you fired, toot sweet.

Best of luck to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by World's King
Maybe porn.
Now we're talkin' !!

Last edited by IdolGirl; 12-12-2007 at 09:13 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
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Now that she has accepted your apology on the phone you need to do the right thing and apologize with all sincerity in person. She needs to look into your eyes and see that you mean it.

Only do this if you are truly sorry and if you are not going to do something like this again. Treating your friends like shit is sure way to end up alone in the world.
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Old 12-13-2007, 05:44 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlatan
Now that she has accepted your apology on the phone you need to do the right thing and apologize with all sincerity in person. She needs to look into your eyes and see that you mean it.

Only do this if you are truly sorry and if you are not going to do something like this again. Treating your friends like shit is sure way to end up alone in the world.
True that. Plus it won't get you far as well.

Also if you ever find yourself in a similar situation again. Don't panic. Calm down and think through what you need to say. If you need someone you get you something, think what you need to say and don't say anymore than you need to. It might save you money, time and most likely your relationship in any form. (since you're cutting off words you don't need to say, you are more likely to cut off swear words in the process as well.)
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Old 12-13-2007, 05:55 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfterBurn
she said it's ok
Dude.

"It's ok" does not mean "it's ok". It's the universal female lie. It's the single most lie-filled two words on the planet, coming from a female.

Seriously. "It's ok" NEVER actually means "it really is ok". EVER. See also: "It's fine" and "I don't care" (when referencing her opinion on something).
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Old 12-13-2007, 06:18 AM   #16 (permalink)
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see also: "whatever"
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:15 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Well I talked to her today (didn't mention the incident) and all seemed normal..And I appologized again in person as I was leaving. I hope it's all good.
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:44 AM   #18 (permalink)
That's what she said
 
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"Never let the situation become more important than the relationship."

At the time, you thought getting those documents was the most important thing. You pushed aside everything that relationship had built up and everything it stood for so that you could resolve this one small dilemma. The thing to remember is that the relationship will nearly always outlast whatever conflict that arises, so you must treat it with respect and try to resolve the situation without damaging the trust or rapport that exists.
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Old 12-14-2007, 12:15 AM   #19 (permalink)
But You'll Never Prove It.
 
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Location: under your bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by analog
Dude.

"It's ok" does not mean "it's ok". It's the universal female lie. It's the single most lie-filled two words on the planet, coming from a female.

Seriously. "It's ok" NEVER actually means "it really is ok". EVER. See also: "It's fine" and "I don't care" (when referencing her opinion on something).
ROFLPMP! Maybe we gals should put together a dictionary of sorts for you guys.

"It's okay" in cirumstances like this means either:
a) I'm not going to kill you at this time, but don't do it again.
b) I haven't figured out what I'm going to do to you yet.

"Fine" can either mean, depending on the time of the month:
a) next subject, please.
b) shut the hell up and leave me alone!

"I don't care" generally falls under:
a) I'm fine with either choice.
b) I'm not going to tell you the right choice, but if you guess incorrectly you can expect p-a-i-n.

/threadjack
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Last edited by ItWasMe; 12-14-2007 at 12:15 AM.. Reason: end threadjack
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Old 12-14-2007, 02:55 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
Gah, sorry to pile on to ItWasMe's threadjack, but it reminded me of this gem my wife sent me last week:

9 Words Women Use
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes are only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU! (In a nice way!)

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman' s response refer to #3.
/threadjack with apologies
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