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Old 04-09-2008, 06:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
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World Domination

A common interest among masterminds of the criminal underworld, but a cohesive attainable goal?

Let's say you took over the world, then what? How would you police it? What would stop someone on the other side of the planet from building an even bigger ray gun then your's? What would prevent them from making a pact with the devil in exchange for a wish and in turn using that wish to wish for the ability to bend you over the kitchen sink?

Don't buy anything from the ACME Company and don't force people into compact freight cars like cattle, it won't end well, and your plans for world domination will be like that plastic bag from American Beauty.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This isn't a topic I think about often, but once in a while a thought comes to mind and I would drift off thinking about what would happen once I get to the top. Seeing as how I know zilch about politics, I would need to procure some loyal henchmen and keep that loyalty under fear of death (their family gets murdered, they get to watch). A ruler of the world needs to be a tyrant, the way I see it.

My personal henchmen squad would consist of world's top 50 scientists to work on new technology, top 10 politicians to make up laws to be approved by me, top 200 doctors to advance global medicine into the new era, top 10 architects (3 of whom would work exclusively on my fortress) to give the new world a distinctive feel and world's top 5 lawyers just in case. My personal bodyguard will consist of the world’s top 20 assassins and top 10 mercenaries. I would also establish (or use existing) training facilities to make such assassins/bodyguards as Jason Bourne or perhaps with the help of my scientists develop a Super Soldier Serum or something similar to Cyborg Ninja’s exoskeleton suit (Crysis type suits would suffice).

Freedom of religion is fine by me and would not be interfered with. Cults (manipulating people into giving money, sex, services to the “overlord”), will be disbanded under penalty of death. It’s impossible to be loved by all, but I would certainly strive for the approval of majority. Even with 60-70% approval that’s over 4 billion people on my side.

Education system would be one of my top priorities. Taking a country with the top education system and highest average test scores and applying it to the rest of the world would do the trick. Wars would be abolished since there would be no reason for fighting for land as it will all belong to me and be unified under one flag. Individual republics would be established and governed by appointed people, but they would all answer to me.

Eh, I’m out of ideas at the moment.

Let’s hear yours.
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Old 04-09-2008, 07:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I'd just stick to having lots of hot harlots and an army of blue haired ninja midgets.
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Old 04-09-2008, 07:05 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Make sure you read the list.
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Old 04-09-2008, 09:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Martian
Make sure you read the list.
Yep read that list.

Me, I would create a set of happy feel good drugs that motivate people to do the right thing and be nice to one another. After I watched this spread like fire in the world, I would then take it myself, and become happy.
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Old 04-09-2008, 10:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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there is no way to have a peaceful utopia and still have freedom. So, i'd let my people have their one vote. they can have freedom or they can have peace.
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Old 04-09-2008, 12:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I would start by being a very environmentally motivated ruler.

Ustwo?? You who think the global warming scare is mostly a scam?!?

Yes, and I would start by reducing a lot of carbon foot prints to zero. (maniacal laughter)

(and Yes the laughing violates the rules on the list, but you gotta have SOME fun)
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Old 04-09-2008, 12:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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in the end it doesn´t matter. you can´t please everybody and eventually someone with a sniper rifle won´t miss.
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Old 04-09-2008, 03:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lotsofmagnets
in the end it doesn´t matter. you can´t please everybody and eventually someone with a sniper rifle won´t miss.
Gun control, worked for Stalin
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Old 04-09-2008, 03:49 PM   #9 (permalink)
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So this is maintaining control, not gaining it. In my younger more innocent years I did think about what it would be like to have totalitarian rule over the world. The issue I kept running into, though, is that a dominated people aren't free and aren't happy, so it makes little sense from a human rights perspective. If I were a totalitarian leader, I'd be heartless and power-hungry; ruthless. It's basically the anti-Willavel.

I'd probably use religion to keep the ignorant surfs in line. Nothing gets sheeple to follow you like religion. "Do what I say" isn't as impressive as "do what god told me to tell you". I suspect it's why monarchies were linked to the church in the past. Get fake religious scholars on 24 hour religious networks repeating the bullshit and most would follow if not out of respect then for fear. I'd probably invent an enemy, like "insurgents" for those for whom the fear of god isn't enough. I'd even fake a few attacks to give said enemy the illusion of actually being a threat. If I was ever losing popularity in the polls? Bam attack an insurgent stronghold and bring some enemies to justice. I'd probably also really jack up the bullshit on cable news, and include more crap like American Idol that can distract people. No free media would exist.

I'd basically be Bush. Does everyone get that? How Bush want's to be a totalitarian ruler? Clear enough?
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:00 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willravel
I'd basically be Bush. Does everyone get that? How Bush want's to be a totalitarian ruler? Clear enough?
Bush would have a higher approval rating (zing!)
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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He's too stupid to be a real dictator. Invading Iraq was fucking stupid from basically every perspective.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guccilvr
I'd just stick to having lots of hot harlots and an army of blue haired ninja midgets.
I'd be happy with the FHM Top 100.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:21 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ustwo
Gun control, worked for Stalin
yes, i think he killed everyone that owned a gun.
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she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?
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Old 04-09-2008, 05:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lotsofmagnets
yes, i think he killed everyone that owned a gun.
It worked, didn't it?
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Old 04-09-2008, 09:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Augi
Me, I would create a set of happy feel good drugs that motivate people to do the right thing and be nice to one another. After I watched this spread like fire in the world, I would then take it myself, and become happy.
Just make sure you avoid the DEA.
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Old 04-10-2008, 08:02 AM   #16 (permalink)
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My primary concern after taking over the world will be the establishment of my personal harem.

Sign up today!
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:00 AM   #17 (permalink)
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..

Last edited by flat5; 05-03-2008 at 12:48 AM..
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:10 AM   #18 (permalink)
has a plan
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Borgs
Just make sure you avoid the DEA.
Why? They'd be on the drugs, too. I forgot to mention it would be released into the world secretively and hence forth compulsory. Did I remove freewill in this choice? Yes. Am I removing freewill from there on? I don't think so.

Besides, I would be taking the drug, too. The principle is all right since it is universally applied, including myself.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Personally, I am still waiting for AIS to learn its ABC's. First the alphabet, next the dictionary, and finally the world! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!!!! //cough cough// Ack! //cough//
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:12 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm down with the drug thing.. with the exception of having to be nice to everyone
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:36 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guccilvr
I'm down with the drug thing.. with the exception of having to be nice to everyone
How often did you meet a mean pot smoker when he was smoking pot?

Besides, it isn't like you would mind being nice anymore. Muwhahahah! //sucks on inhaler//
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:46 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Augi
Muwhahahah! //sucks on inhaler//
A wheezing evil dictator. Like in all the movies.
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:32 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Hmmm..As long as I didn't turn my Utopia into a green-wafer eating society of people wired to a mainframe before birth, and later paranoid of Big Brother and who had to be killed off by age thirty..I would just make sure the populace had my banner and stone likeness in every major city.
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Old 04-10-2008, 07:10 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Martian
Make sure you read the list.
that list is hilarious

People actually spend long periods of time tweaking their ideas on world domination? How weird.
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Old 04-10-2008, 07:59 PM   #24 (permalink)
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You'd like it if I ruled the world. It would be a lot like TFP.
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Old 04-10-2008, 08:15 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halx
You'd like it if I ruled the world. It would be a lot like TFP.
Ban = execution?
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:34 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoganSnake
Ban = execution?
I wish they would bring execution back in the UK for yobs who kick innocent people to death for no reason.
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:42 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Halx
You'd like it if I ruled the world. It would be a lot like TFP.
Wait a minute.... Even Tilted Sexuality?
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Old 04-13-2008, 07:10 AM   #28 (permalink)
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If I were going to rule the world, I would definitely do it from the top of the gravity well. Very easy to just drop rocks on people. No need for fancy weapons that way - just a buncnh of orbital crowbars with a tiny little engine and fins on each. Piss of the Evil Overlord get a 3' hunk of steel through the brainpan at terminal velocity.

That said, so long as the tithes are paid and I monopolize space travel, the groundlings would not find my rule onerous. I would not be overtly rapacious - no more so than your local tax collection agency. And if particularly busty women were aggressively recruited for orbital education, well, that could as easily be played as humanitarianism as perversion. I mean, think of the back problems they wouldn't develop in microgravity.
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Old 04-13-2008, 11:32 AM   #29 (permalink)
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All you need to take over the world is a world bank.
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Old 04-13-2008, 11:46 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiltzkin
All you need to take over the world is a world bank.
HA! Realism!

Now I'm sad.
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Old 04-13-2008, 01:26 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiltzkin
All you need to take over the world is a world bank.
....not if you have... bank robbers with laser guns!
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Old 04-13-2008, 01:45 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru
....not if you have... bank robbers with laser guns!
Nah, then they break out the NEW currency they minted previously just in case someone robbed all the old currency, then use the corporacratic media to educate the masses regarding the planned, immediate changeover which is nothing to worry about... The old currency was problematic anyway... This version has no heroes of knowledge, enlightenment, history or freedom adorning the bills.

Back to bed everyone...
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Old 04-13-2008, 02:27 PM   #33 (permalink)
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I'm not much into the domination thing...I'm more of a bottom.
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Old 04-13-2008, 02:30 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiltzkin
All you need to take over the world is a world bank.
Aren't you forgetting that you also need the backing of the world wide Jewish Conspiracy?

(Yeah, that whole 6 million dead thing was allowed to happen so they could take over the world. The medieval purges? Protective coloration. The whole Babylonian exile? Lulling the world into a false sense of security. I have this all on good authority from David Duke and Reverend Wright, so it must be true.)
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