DaniGirl

My mom called me last night balling ( she is bipolar ) telling me that I should have not brought three little girls into this corrupt world. Apparently she went on a web site to find out how many sex offenders are in our area. She was surprised to find out that there were 72 known sex offenders in our city alone.

One of my favorite television shows is Law and Order SVU so I was already afraid of raising three girls. Now I know men and boys are also at risk for sex offenders, I just know threw statistics that women and children are in the most risk of being sexually abused. I feel like the number of kids disappearing and being found in suit cases or in rivers is happening a lot more recently. Something that I think is really sad and depressing is that most abductions are done by someone that cares about the kids, a parent or family friend. That is crazy.

Me and POA where talking about theives. That in some places around the world they would cut off someones hand if they steal something. That would probably stop a lot of theft from happening. Now if we apply that to sex offenders that would be awesome. But instead of cutting off there hands we cut off there dicks. I really don't know about women sex offenders though.

Now here are some things to think about...
What would you do if you found out that a good friend or family member was a sex offender? Or even a neighbor?

What is the world coming to?

Martian

Statistically speaking, your child is much more likely to be abused by a friend or family member than a random stranger.

Statistically speaking, your child is much more likely to be abused by a Catholic priest than a random stranger.

In other words, the whole thing is a bit overblown. Yes these things happen and yes they're bad and wrong and scary, but it's important to maintain a sense of perspective. Checking your blind spot when merging on the freeway will go a lot further towards protecting your little girls than freaking out about the Monster in the Dark.

Noteworthy: It's my understanding that a person can potentially end up as a registered sex offender in the US for things like urinating in public. I get drunk, piss on a dumpster at 3 am and get caught in the act by a cop in a bad mood; now I'm an Evil Predator.

What is the world coming to? It's a good question.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Cynthetiq

we live in the world that we see.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

DaniGirl

I never knew that getting caught peeing outside would qualify you to be registered sex offender, that is insane. That means Punk.of.Ages is considered a sex offender, he is always peeing outside my apartment when he is drunk. I got sick of him peeing all over my bathroom. What is the world coming to?

And Cynthetiq has a good point, but sometimes it is hard to see the world in a good way when there is so many issues. And I don't always feel this way, I'm just having one of those days.

Willravel

Ah, you beat me to it. People misunderstand sexual abuse of minors. Odds are it's not going to be the guy in the trench coat at the park, it's going to be the a-bit-too-friendly uncle or grampa, the coach, the preist... someone not obvious.

Dani, you're a damned good parent to be concerned for your little girls. Teach them what to look out for, people making innapropriate comments or actions, and to find a crowded area, etc. etc. That's the best you can do. That and you can take them to Muay Thai classes from the age of seven.

snowy

Or boyfriend. Be careful about the men you bring into your home and introduce to your daughters.

And let them know that they can always talk to you, no matter what. Keep the lines of communication open, and you'll have much less to worry about. And let them know that an adult asking them to keep something a secret is not appropriate, too, and to let you know if an adult asks them to keep a secret.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

DaniGirl

Well I'm fortunate to not have to worry about a boyfriend, Ive been married for 5 years. But I am still worried about some of my husbands friends, but I keep my eyes open. I never thought about "keeping secrets", that is something I will have to talk about with my kids. Thank you Snowy

And Willravel thanks for saying that I am a good parent for being concerned about my kids well being, its good to know that someone understands. And I have a few uncles that are in prison for being child abusers, Ive never meet them but it is still scary to know that I have that problem in my family.

Punk.of.Ages

This shit isn't necessarily happening more these days, it's just looked at different these days. In the past it wasn't so easily spoken about, and, now that societal outlook has changed, these people are caught more often and it is talked about through the media more.

It's definitely a worry, especially when I take into consideration that I've met very few women who weren't sexually abused to some extent at some point in their lives, but there's only so much you can do.

Those things have already been mentioned in this thread...

...and yes, if I got caught peeing outside (or that time I had sex out on the porch, for that matter) I could be put on the sex offenders list and be made to look like a monster.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Psycho Dad

I don't know about "statistically speaking" Statistics can be and are manipulated. The person who may molest one of my nieces may be a friend or family member. But there are plenty of news reports of rapes, kidnappings, and other abuses by perfect strangers.

You have to be mindful of your children, where they are, who they are talking to and what they are doing.And that just isn't something you have to do these days as this is what the world is coming to, it was that way when I was a child. About the only thing I can think of right off I hope has changed is I hope everyone doesn't automatically assume the homosexual person they know wants to harm their child.

As for the registered sex offender's list. If you are concerned about that. Find out who the offenders in your area are, research why they are on the list and evaluate what risk they may pose to your child.

As for the relatives... I don't care what anyone says. Instincts are instincts. If you don't feel comfortable about a particular family member, trust those instincts. If an uncle, cousin or sibling abused you in the past, what makes you think they have changed? And make sure your child know they can come to you with ANYTHING they need to talk to you about.

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

Shaindra

We live in a time when things are actually *safer* than times past. The difference is, things are more open. News media runs stories preying on parents' anxieties. Sex offender registries abound.

Bad things happened in "the good ole days". The difference was, nobody talked about it.

Take reasonable precautions. Teach your kids to respect their own fears about people and to have clear bodily boundaries. But don't waste too much energy worrying about things that you really have little control over.

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Crack

I knew (know?) a guy that is now a registered sex offender, he was 18, she was 16 (2 months before her 17th birthday) when they had sex. They had been dating for 3 years in high school, now he can't live within 1 mile of one.

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Martian

Of course the news reports on the cases of strangers.

This is part of the problem -- we're all so interconnected and hear so much about horrible things that happen that we start to believe they're commonplace. It's difficult to maintain a sense of perspective.

Perspective:

There are approximately 70 million children living within the United States today.

Approximately 3.5 million cases of abuse were investigated in 2007.

Assuming that all cases were legitimate, that's 1 in 20, or 5%. This includes all cases of abuse, be they physical, sexual or emotional.

80% of those cases were perpetrated by one or both parents. The overwhelming majority of the remaining cases were perpetrated by someone known to the victim (a caregiver, family member, neighbour).

Pretty pretty picture:


Further reading.

Child abuse is a terrible thing, and it's important to protect your children from it. However, it's equally important to remember that these things are relatively rare in happy homes. I'm not going to tell you not to worry about it, or even that you shouldn't. It's something to keep in the back of your head, but make sure that you remember to let your little girls be little girls too. That includes things like playing outside, scraping knees and doing all the assorted things that kids do.

I Am Not A Parent. It probably shows.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

squeeeb

stanhope said it pretty well

oh, it's pretty NSFW

__________________
onward to mayhem!

Punk.of.Ages

This...

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Hektore

Urinating in public --> indecent exposure --> sexual offense (2nd degree misdemeanor in PA - unless a minor is around then it is 1st degree)

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dippin

I am strongly opposed to the sex offender registry. I think that anyone deemed likely enough to reoffend shouldn't be out, and those who aren't likely shouldn't be grouped with those in the prior group.

There are 10 registered sex offenders in my zip code. 3 of those are in the list for statutory rape, all 3 with convictions before each had turned 20.

SecretMethod70

Read posts #10 and #12 repeatedly until you are no longer significantly worried.

There is actually less crime now than there has been in the past. It's just reported more. And it makes for good TV. The world remains pretty safe.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

gabrieljosh

very impormative posts...

DaniGirl

Impormative? did you mean Informative? If it was an accident I don't mean to correct you, there are many words that I don't know the meaning to.

Martian

Perhaps it's a portmanteau? Important/informative?

Also, Google is excellent for words you don't know. It's a fun way to Learn Something.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

DaniGirl

that makes since, I usually don't have to look at Google, I have Punk.of.Ages. Hes the all-knowing one.

Punk.of.Ages

I'm not all knowing...

I just know how to use Google for you!

Google's the all knowing one.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

DaniGirl

well fine, i thought you would feel special. NOW I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

genuinegirly

Martian, thank you for posting that great little visual chart. I had no idea that such a huge proportion of child abuse cases deal with the parents themselves.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Toaster126

“I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint.”

Hesiod was a Greek poet living around the 700 BCs when he said that. I happen to think every single generation thinks things are going down the shitter, and yet we are still here for now at least...

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

DaniGirl

The children are our future